Have you ever tried to run with any kind of baggage?
Maybe it was the airport and you were late for your flight
Maybe it was a purse
or a backpack
or groceries
if you have then
You know the agitating experience of not having full range of motion to get were you're going
You know the gnawing temptation to put down whatever it is you're carrying
Only I can't put him down
I can't let him go
and it's a hindrance not to where I'm going
but rather where it is I've been trying so desperately to leave

there were nights when you'd turn
away and you'd refuse to let me
touch you. if you want to know what a broken
bone feels like put your hand right
here.

when I heard of
Katrina I had no one to hold my hair
back, I had no one to tell me that hansel and gretel don't end up
eating each other.

lately I've been cutting up
bibles and bleeding with the
moon, there's things we know how to
fix and things we
don't.

if church was your
bedroom I ****** the sixth
genesis out of you, I pulled adam's second
son from your hair while you moaned the fall of jerusalem into my
mouth.

when we were good god considered shutting down
heaven but when we were bad, when we were
bad satan cried himself to
sleep.

In this world, at least I am whole and holy.
I know for a **** splintering fact that I am not important to the human race.
I am no disgrace, not a waste.
Just a face.

I seem pointless,
but by God I'll be ****** if my **** body was spineless:
I'm strong.

I face the people that I know don't want me,
I face the sobbing tear-streamed gazes
and see myself in their eyes,
looking long and lean and thin,
two sunken purple rims
and lips cracked,
showed the face of my sins.

I am a woman born free and falling deeper into the world she holds as her own.
These mazes of time splinter spokes and pierce the thick air.
We move as the molecules of water,
but no one seems to stop to bother seeing if the Now is alright
instead of waiting for tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow night.

Maybe breathe, and see?

That there is beauty within me.

I hold the hands of  different lands,
but does that make me different from any other man?
Or woman, because I am both:
The sun and the moon are held within me.
Each *****.

I feel the scorching red and orange delight of day
while trying to keep night at bay.

But when the moon glides over crystal, violet sky,
there is no reason to hide.

Feel a howl rumble deep within and
smile a grumbling smile,
dark and biting the wolf chomps chatter,
cackling with master planned disaster.

And this I hold deep within my soul,
clenching tight a harbored goal to have a human
be a human
as once they were
just another **** species among many on Earth.

I want to be loved for one night,
then I shall be content in isolation,
comfortable in the lack of weight
on the other side of the bed.

One night, to be kissed brand-new
by foreign lips; a familiar fear
as she leaves her dress on the chair,
and our inhibitions on the floor.

Absence of physical touch, heard words;
no tangible proof I exist, or should exist
at all. I miss the fatigue. Brief sensation,
some energy - our collective heat;

the way we sweat beneath the sheets.
The way you need to call out to me.
I have not heard my name in weeks.

I want to be loved for one night,
then I can return to pollute these pages
with something beyond conjecture,
something worth holding on to.

The words of pages you lent me steal my thoughts and consume my helpless mind, my helpless heart.  
My helpless heart still loves you and you didn't know.
You didn't know that was the last time I'll see you for some time.
Some time apart is all I can do because I can't do this anymore.
I can't do this anymore and I didn't tell you.
I didn't tell you that I can't afford your presence.
I can't afford to sit by while the seconds count the times you break my heart.
My heart can't take the conversations we have.
The conversations we have can't stop hinting at the future we might have had.
The future we might have had consumes my helpless mind, my helpless heart.