The day I killed myself,
I tried to brush it of and pretend I'm okay,
Tried to hurt myself every single day.

The day I killed myself,
My mum cried forever,
My dad brushed it of like he's not the one to blame.

The day I killed myself,
I woke up and went about the day,
Like nothing ever happened because it never does.

The day I killed myself,
I fell in love with the cat,
And pretended things weren't so bad.

The day I killed myself,
I woke up in hospital,
Everything attached to me.

The day I killed myself,
I watched the sun fall,
And said to myself here comes another day.

The day I killed myself,
I had another drink,
To numb everything away.

The day I killed myself,
My dad kicked us out,
Became homeless again.

The day I killed myself,
You hurt me so bad I couldn't breathe,
Then you told me to leave.

The day I killed myself,
I watched the stars,
How bright and beautiful they are.

The day I killed myself,
I unkilled myself.

For too many years i'v been writing poems about wanting to die,
but not knowing how and not having a clear reason as to why.
But this poem is a little different from the ones before,
as this poem is a little bit more happy rather then a little bit more sore.
The past is where all my memories are,
where I was planning to take my life with a car.
So many people have told me to forget the past,
but i always wanted to remember and for another day to last.
But let's forget all that and move onto the present,
where now i understand what the past really meant.
I am happy to say that i have finally started to move on,
all the things that caused my life to stop are gone.
The voices, the place, the faces and perfumes that i used to remember,
are now all gone and I am now able to live in December.
It's been nearly a year since i'v been going to the gym,
it's been a huge part of my life meaning that remembering the past is very slim.
I used to hate looking at myself in the mirror,
now I do it everyday and the future seems a bit more clearer.
My cat has helped me to cope with the anxieties that i have,
she keeps me happy rather then sad.
My parents have changed me to how i am today,
now i'm looking forward to each and everyday.
So my message is as simple as it gets,
go through each day like it is your best.
Remember live life slowly because it's not a race,
I am still living life but i have finally arrived at my happy place.

"Certian people remember certain things from the past e.g. perfume or smell, voice, face, place etc. A person can truly say that they have moved on when that person passes by something or someone which before they would have stopped and smelled a certain perfume, have recognised a certain face or recognised a voice, or recognised a certain place, then that person at that moment will pass by and not recognise a single thing of the past, then that person can truly say that they have moved on, because they have simply forgotten."

"People shoudn't be defined by the mistakes that they make but rather the courage that it took for those mistakes to disappear and never come back again"

When i look at the mirror all i see is you,
You see i never wanted to become a person that i hardly knew.
You always see the other side of me,all my faults and my glitches,
I cannot become anything better,so you leave me with open stitches.
Why don't you ever show me that you love me?,
But you always change the subject to something like "make me a cup of tea".
You leave me crying by the mirror,looking at myself and thinking will i ever be good enough for you?,
It leaves me wondering are all the things you said to me true?.
You call me many names,one of which is monster,
How can you say such a thing,I'm supposed to be your daughter.
I am trying to leave the past behind me,but you don't seem to see,
You want me to be different,than i was ever meant to be.

It seems sometimes that depression has no cure,
you just can't be happy and people call you immature.
People just don't seem to realize that this won't go away overnight,
the thoughts and feeling hold onto you so tight.
People always think that everything's for attention,
but what they don't realize is that it's like you are stuck in an invention.
People just don't understand how this really feels,
they think that calling 999 would make all of this heal.
The truth is I am not the person I used to be,
I used to be happy and energetic which you just can't see.
I do my best to hold back and pretend,
like everything's okay and this will mend.
It's easy for people to say you'll get over it,
but they don't realize that all you want to do is quit.
You just can't bring yourself to think about the future,
because in moments like these you count yourself as the loser.
You can't sleep because you think about what happened,
this is not at all as you imagined.
But you know in your heart that you can get through this,
all the bad things that happened you just need to dismiss.
You just have to remember that your not the only person going through this struggle,
you know that you will find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Everyday for me is the same,
I don't know what to really say.
The world is not your oyster,
all I do is make bad choices.
I try and try to succeed,
but all I do is fail and misleed.
People just don't understand my situation,
they can see my anger and my frustration.
I pretend like like there's nothing wrong,
but really I was sad all along.
You feel like nobody really cares,
and when they ask you,you just fill up with tears.
You are stressed and depressed you don't know how to deal with it,
the world is tearing you apart bit by bit.
I can't get the words out of my mouth,
because I don't want then to know.
I can't help but hide my emotions,
because all I am feeling inside is broken.
I dream that I am swimming in an ocean,
were nobody can touch me and I have no emotion.
I feel like I just don't care,
I then feel on my cheek there's a tear.
I'm living in a lie,one that i created,
because this is just not me,and this person I hated.
Although today I am still alive,
I just hope that tomorrow I will survive.

You think life is going well,
but in reality it's like you are locked up in a cell.
Every moment flashes before your eyes,
you hate those sorry 's and those lies.
You wish you could redo what you already started,
but it was already reported and outsmarted,
You always think about the what ifs and maybes,
I'm just asking please safe me.
We make mistakes we are only human,
we wish we were superhuman.
We have days that we want to forget,
you just can't help it but get upset.
You can't help but stare at the sky,
thinking about what might of been,and then you start to cry.
You never felt this angry,you just don't know what to do,
you just prey and hope that someday you outgrew.
You blame the world for your own mistakes,
you are so ignorant of what's at stake.
You see the world in black and grey,
you just hope when you go to bed it will all go away.

In moments like these you need a shoulder to cry on,
but nobody's around so you try to sleep on it till dawn.

In moments like these you just don't care what happens to you,
people around you act like they already knew.

In moments like these depression is eating you away,
you don't see colour in the world all you see is black and grey.

In moments like these you need someone to talk to,
but you cant bring yourself to say it so you try to break through.

In moments like these you think your not good enough,
you put yourself down because you know it's too tough.

In moments like these you just don't want to live,
because there is no other way because they won't forgive.

In moments like these you need determination and strength,
because you don't know if you will hold up till the end.

In moments like these you stare at the sky,
you think what it would be like,so this is my goodbye.

Would you call me a criminal if I did something wrong,
you can't blame it for the way I was born.
I trespassed into private property where I'm not allowed,
the police were called which was all that I can endure.
Would you call me a criminal if two police officers had to drive me home,
to get me away from the trouble that might foam.
Would you call me a criminal if I said I went back,
they called the police again,
then I ran on a different track.
I got caught on the way by two police cars,
they put me in the van and drove me to the station behind bars.
Then we got to the station where an officer asked me questions,
but I refused to answer and tolled lies which ended up in ruins.
I am a criminal as I was in trouble with police six times,
the only way I know how to express this is in these words and rhymes.

I remember the first time I got bullied,
I felt like I was being discouraged.
You think the world evolves around you,
you know I don't think that's true.
Did you ever think how it might hurt me,
of course you didn't, you only wanted your friends to see.
I will never understand why?
all you ever do is lie.
You are so heartless,
you never realise that I'm crying alone in the darkness.
I remember when you were racist,
you don't know how much that hurt and what I might be facing.
I know sometimes I was stupid to react,
but you hurt me so bad that I had no choice but to snap.
You know sometimes I am scares to even go to school,
but as I learned you just have to keep it cool.
I remember when you wrote a racist letter,
you know I couldn't stop crying,
and hoping for something better.
I wish someday you could realise what you done,
but I could never forgive you for the pain that you caused and that you thought it was fun.