Did you see my ex
she looks like a mess
thrown back hair
and sweatpants
reminds me of the days
we spent in bed
longing to stay there
but knowing we'd eventually
fall apart

anyone I've loved
I will always love
unless they give me
a reason to hate them
I just can't not love them
their voice reminds me
of all the lovely
compliments we passed back and forth
their smile reminds me
of all the times
we made each other laugh
their touch brings me back
to all the times we touched in the past
to the moments we held each other
alone together

and no matter where I am in life
when I see them
it makes my heart tingle
because it still knows their name
it knows their favorite candy
and the way they played with my hair
and it can't forget how happy
those moments were
even if they are in the past forever.

A hot tea on a cool summer day reminds me:
that even in the blistering summer heat
the clouds can provide shade
that even in the most brutal of winters
you can feel the sun on your cheeks

Why do you think it's okay
to send me snaps
of your shirtless self?

Maybe we were there once
Maybe I was okay with it even after we broke up
for a while
but life has moved on

I have someone else now

I don't need to see your chest hairs
when I talk to you

It's not uncommon
for me to question my future
and not know what I want
for my life

All the uncertainty frightens me
and when the options are weighing me down
I cling to what I do know

**I know that I love you

I am worried that I lost my Joy
my abundant happiness that poured
out from my soul
in the form of an infectious smile
that made me inexplicably me

I get more
"are you okay?" 's
than I do
"you look so happy"
or
"you have such a nice smile"

Was I just so innocent
that it was easy to keep smiling
was it easy to have hope in a future
because I believed it would be brighter than today
why cant I believe that anymore
why is it all so mundane
why don't I feel

I am no more
than champagne
laughing