i haven't written much these days
because i can't find anything to say
about these dark days or my odd ways
of thinking
in a way that actually conveys anything
better than a blank page would
so, it should be understood that this essentially
is an empty journal entry and
consequentially
says more than i can, today

I wanted to fix things but all my change fell out of my pocket and I have nothing else to give away, I guess i'll have to stay the same

i can feel you letting go.
i can feel your tight grip around my hand loosening.
i'm afraid of how cold my palms will be when you let go.
i'm afraid of not feeling your soft skin against mine.
i'm in so much pain watching you walk away.
i'm in so much pain watching you lose interest.
when you were gone, we both learned to be independent.
when you were gone, i finally managed to restrict myself from missing you.
when you were gone, i think you finally managed to do the same.
when you came back, i think i was okay without you. until you told me that the only thing you were certain about was me.
when you came back, i think you realized you don't need me anymore. that it's easier without me.
if that's the case, i hope you'll just tell me.
if that's the case, i hope you'll help me get over you.

if you ask me if i'm fine,
i won't lie and i'd say no,
i am not.

if you ask me if i've found someone else
i'd smile and i'd say no,
it's still you.

if you ask me if i still feel the same way,
i'd smile and i'd say yes,
it never changed.

if you ask me a question,
i'd always have an answer that
i've always had stuck in the back of my mind,
and that answer is you.

so please ask me,
because i won't.

ask me please,
ask me if i still love you.

if you would,
i'd say i do.

but even if you won't,
i'd still do.

everything's breaking
and i'm running
to the only place
i've ever known
to the only place
i've ever called home

i'm running to you-