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 Sep 2017 Harry Roberts
Deedee
Only for a moment did I think I could feel again
Love & light pouring out of me like a fountain
First time experiences
Long nights so lustful and mysterious
Each day my heart yearning for you
Growing more curious

But the darkness that swims around inside of me
Is too strong for anyone to come too close to me
Before you even scratch the surface
That darkness comes out as a full blown circus
A freak show of emotions
From a heart so blackened and broken
So now I look into your eyes and ask you this
What do you do when all that you've got is a box of broken pieces?
 Sep 2017 Harry Roberts
Deedee
Alone with my thoughts, they come in waves of emotions
Emptiness has taken over me, I'm drowning in its ocean
What it would feel like to be loved
Oh so long I have waited for your touch
Is it my figure or my soul too black
Is it a personality that I lack?
What is about me that is so unloveable
Since when did I become so disposable?
Swimming In this sea of loneliness no one can see my tears, no one knows my fears
For the girl who was never spoken to did not speak
She didn't whimper, nor did she sleep
I walk through this life with a heavy head on my shoulders
Too many questions gone unanswered
Filled with pain and sorrow
I dread getting up tomorrow
If I would be so lucky to sleep forever,
Would anyone notice my non existence endeavour?
 Aug 2017 Harry Roberts
Deedee
A butterfly from my window i see
I take no notice, it's you I need
But you are gone now, resting in your grave
People think what you did was selfish but I think your brave
Dragging myself from my pit
I sigh, breathe and think about what I've got to live
Another day of guilt, another day of sorrow
Another day of living with no hope of you tomorrow
A butterfly landed on my chest, right where my heart is laid to rest
It's wings so beautiful and delicate
This butterfly can't speak but yet so eloquent
A gentle reminder that you are near
A reminder that I need not fear
But I still need your touch
Your voice I miss so much
Why
What am I doing
How did I get here
Why bother going on
In your mind
Out of it
A troubled past
Or a bleak future
Yet I am
Present
I didn't see the point
Yet something pointed me here
I thought i can't go on
Yet now I'm writing poetry
I thought I needed solitude
I found solidarity
I thought that I was weak
Asking for help is strong
I've edited this, switching the second part to  "I". Originally they were "you" because I wrote this poem  while in the hospital and wanted to help;My wife (a much better poet!) pointed out that person change and how it's much harder to write from first person....which was part of the reason I was in the hospital in the first place, I needed to learn you gotta put your own oxygen mask on before you try and help others.  I did leave  hand written copies of the original around the ward when I left.   Now I'm not saying I did do it, I'm not saying I didn't do it, I'm just gonna say the coyote outside didn't move in his own!
I can't shrug the vast curiosity
For the beating heart that strives
for her has become flat lined,
a line that no longer represents
hot coals of my love

The quivering shores are barren
to the sand that we count
as it is lost in winds of time
and life experiences.

Fast paced indecisiveness is lost
with my teenage years.
As is the confidence and acceptance
to sparks of love.

My soul shakes at the thought
but my heart leaps from my chest
like salmon up stream,
forgetting the cold waters and unable
to remember the tune.

For I am a bruised man.

So I cant risk the shards of this
glued heart being handled again,
As one drop, one fall,
could mean the end of my affection.
Loving, loving and loving some more - the fear of falling again.
 Aug 2017 Harry Roberts
Agrina
I will write this poem on the wall
On the night before I fall
I take my hand and face my wrist
And from there I gave it a little twist
What roams in the mind is regret and sorrow
Will I be there to see the morrow?
I carve a bleeding rose from my flesh
And a broken heart without a mess
As tears roll down the pale face
I then knew I was living in a maze
I use my blood to narrate my story
From where it began to being lonely
Moving on to the scenes of agony
The pain and suffering present since morning
Alone I lay in my pool of shame
Without a being to take the blame
Sadly did I live and lie
And gladly did I leave and die.
 Aug 2017 Harry Roberts
Agrina
A world of silence
A place where she could express her insanity
A corner where loneliness became her friend
None could make sense
From the art she made through the blood which was shed
For all failed to see
The pain behind her eyes
Expressing her life
Like a blooming flower of a million colours
Revealing the beauty of her scars uncovering her past
All failed to see
For they were blinded by pride
Alone she remained with her solitary yet dark soul
A place where she sought for peace and found a solace.
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