banksy once said
"i mean, they say you die twice.
once when you stop breathing
and a second, a little later on,
when somebody says your name for the last time."
you killed me when you broke my ******* heart.
and i know you haven't said my name in months.
so i guess i'm practically six feet under.

Lets lie down,
On your bed,
Let's prove to each other
were not dead.

Crumpled clothes,
Hair a mess,
Breathing hard,
against your chest.

Smelling sweet,
Of love and sweat,
Pillows strewn,
Sheets all wet.

A happy girl,
Rosy cheeked,
With her man,
Ain't love neat.

I have failed again
Doomed to live out my existence
In a shell of betrayal and self afflicted heartbreak
Knowing that I wasn't enough for you
Knowing that, despite my problems
Somewhere, two souls meet in infinite embrace
And the sword of jealousy pierces my knotted guts

Every time I hear your name my body shakes
This pain is no longer emotional
It strikes my core and shatters all I have built
My knees weaken and my chest tightens
My head hurts and my tears flow without asking
It happens randomly throughout the day
My collapses are uncontrollable

Stupid things remind me of you
Like bikes, and guitars, and cigarettes
And Law and Order and Friends and Eric Clapton
And pipes and aches and organic food
And kisses and touches and holding you
Mostly holding you with the reassurance of your voice
Saying I will never lose you

And I didn't

Tonight I realized that
you weren't the one
who wrecked me,
ruined me,
or destroyed me.

It was me.

Because only I
have the power to
do that to myself.

                                        I destroyed myself
                                        by loving you.