We lie in the dark,
on the sidelines of existence.
watching and waiting
for the day the fire can leap from our throats
and scorch them all.

But for now,
we observe and listen.
silent in the shadows,
we see them,
spitting sparks of words that sting each other.
unknowingly sealing their fates.

And when the day comes,
we, the silent ones,
will creep out of the dark.
our fire will singe them to the ground.
realization in their eyes,
that their sparks
ignited a fire that burned them in the end.

Drops hit the shelter above my head,
And the noise drowns out the thoughts,
the ones of a savage sadness.

The water keeps my tears at bay,
like the sky can cry away my pain.

And the thunder is loud enough to erase bad memories
and keep my anger hidden.

I lay down in an empty bed,
eyes closing as Mother Nature sings
a melancholy lullaby.

And with my last gasping breath
I release the words that will make her soar,
“You are beautiful, my dear.”

every day i’m sleeping more
and waking up less.
and the thoughts spinning in my head
are keeping me dreaming,
the dreams of days forgotten
and nights where monsters are lurking.
I can’t see past the dark
that surrounds my head in the night.
it lulls me into its false comforts,
promising the release of bad memories
and the sweet syrup from my veins.

I am at my wit's end
I just want to shut down and hide from the entire world
I can't continue ******* people off
I can't keep talking about my problems
to sort out emotions as I feel them
I can't keep reaching out to people
who have their lives on track
It's not fair for me to cause stress for other people
I can't even describe how I feel anymore
It's more than depression
It's worse than anxiety
It's something unknown
It isolates me
It confuses the **** out of me
It causes me to feel out of my skin
to the point I want to rip myself apart
I don't want to discuss it
I don't want to see a doctor for it
I just want it to go away
The possibility of me being dead by thirty does not surprise me
I am starting to understand the peace those suicide "experts" talk about
The peace
when you make the choice to die
how all of your emotional turmoil just disappears
Maybe I am becoming suicidal again
I don't know
I am so through with thinking
I don't want to die
but I can't keep living a life full of dead ends

i know you're searching
for a savior
but you're just another
ship captain and i'm
just another lighthouse
flashing you towards
the rocks
attention only makes
me more distant
at night i suffocate dreams
of you with a pillow
until i lie beside the
cadaver of our love
wrap it's cold,
dead hands
around my neck
like a scarf in
this winter hell
last i checked the
weather report
promised no sun
a god told me  
i'll sleep like the dead
when i live
like them too.