why is it
that i feel like crumbling
in a room full of people?
why is it
that i don't see anyone's eyes
flicker like a supernova
when they see me?
why is it that i can build people up
so they can see the sky
go on for miles on end,
but i tear myself down
until i am inside the earth
feeling its breaths in sync
with my own?
i want to feel as bright
and as big as the sun
but i keep caving in on myself
i'm so tired
of looking at myself
and seeing nothing
but sadness buried in my bones
i want existing to stop feeling so heavy
i want to feel alive again
without wondering what the catch is
why is that
so much to ask?

i wish i had
never entered.
i wish i would've
looked the
other way.

(why did i let you in?)

your finger tips,
they feel like daggers.
your voice,
a song i would
never sing again.
your touch,
it feels foreign
and suddenly i'm
in a strange place.

(you're not who i thought you were)

you used to shine
so bright,
you were a star
in my sky.
the sun that lit
up my world
but you've
gone away.

(i wish i could take it all back)

the time i woke up crying,
sleepless nights,
fingers intertwined,
quiet voices,
hellos and goodbyes.

i used to look forward
to the sight of that
blue house
on the corner
but i now look away.

Put me in a chokehold and press my face into goose feather
Pillows
stained with mascara tears, acid rain rolling down translucent
Cheeks
glowing and painted with rouge the color of
Fire
hot in my heart and pumping to the furthest reaches of my
Limbs
bound and held captive by smooth black ropes leaving me
Helpless
to go against your will, I am at the mercy of games we
Play
rough and don't treat me like I'm fragile I'm not meant to
Break
down barriers and ascend stairs toward the gates of
Heaven
Is found in leather and lace, cuffs, safe words and
Submission
resonates with angel wings beating as drums

You promised me the world,
Then left to go find your own.

urodziłem sie boleścią?
więc umre, boleścią
      i smrodem nad żegnaj
zwanym śmierć*;

if i was born of pain & death,
i will die: in
                pain, & of death
keeping guard,
  to ensure a welcoming
toward an angelic breath
served
               last & the least
welcome.

I Fully comprehend what they mean by the struggle is real.
My true self is what I tend conceal
Afraid of what I feel
And lately it hurts as I began this process to heal

It's my pride I wish would die along side with the plenty of tears I cried
Its the chambers of secrets that silences My truth I tend to hide
Its the bottled up emotions that internally lie.
Its the unheard voices on the inside

Its the toxic and venomous things I can do without.
Its the violent roars from the untamed screams and shouts
I breathe in, and I  breathe out
I'm letting it go, I'm letting it all out
Then I sense the spirit of nature surrounding and filling me all about

Its what my mind perceives as pain that  My soul and body feels, embraces, and dances in the midst of the storm's rain
As it cleanses and purifies my lower self composed of dirt, blemishes, and ****** tainted stains.
Its all about the experience of learning, character building, and strength to help me sustain.
Because one would never know joy without pain, or sunshine without a little rain.
And now I'm alive again With Gold,  Royalty, And Power Flowing through my veins carrying microscopic Intellectual messages to and from my Renewed brain.