my friends say it's pointless to cry over
that i'm better than that
"**** him"
i just hate this so much
these tears,
so called "pointless"
are present and
undoubtedly existing
i know i'm not too high to mistake
i rub my eyes
i ******* fingers
i know they're real
i'm still fighting it
because i'm "better than that"
but these tears,
they sting
they burn on my cheeks
have i fought it for so long?
but i saw you
with her
and you saw me
then you grabbed her hand
just to let me know
and trust me,
i know
my dad tells me not to regret anything
not to regret the money i spent,
the time i spent,
the love i spent on someone
so foolish
he tells me it's just a lesson
and i'll learn many more
i know i gotta be prepared
i feel like i should be
but i think i'm not
i regret ever telling you everything
i regret my words to you
i regret my hands and how they know you so well
i can still feel you
my hands won't let me forget
your smell is memorized
your laugh is memorized
you're still there, right?
god, i just hope you know
i hope you know she doesn't compare
i could elaborate but i think that says enough
we're all in denial, aren't we?
this is where i say "**** him", right?

i miss high school
not really, but y'know
i miss all the things
i got to be.

Far too long since I'd held,
those perfect, perfect hips.
Far too long since I'd kissed,
your beautiful sweet lips.
And here I am as you sleep,
wishing you a good night,
and promising you,
that it'll all be alright.
I love you, more and more
with each passing moon.
I've waited to so long,
but now I'll see you so soon

completely addicted to you
and the way your lips fit mine perfectly and effortlessly
how your smile makes my heart melt and shatter
the softness of your skin
paired with your warm scent
i can't even fathom how someone
can be so intoxicating
but here you are
doing exactly so
and i think it's incredible
how i would choose you
over anyone else
the only words i could use
to tell you how i feel
would be "i love you"

what is it called when you need constant reassurance of your importance?
what is it called when you require frequent contact and kisses to feel wanted?
or when you feel like you don't matter at all to the person who matters to you.
what is it called?
cause i cannot find any appropriate words to describe how i feel.
how i am intensely pathetic and miserable both with and without you.
what even does that mean?
i'm nervous for the fallout
for the day you look into me and say
that you no longer love me.
i feel it coming
i sense it with my whole being
i can already feel you leaving me;
how my chest caves in
my knees grow weak
and my cries go unnoticed
but you still walk away
until then you just turn your head.