It is not as poignant
as an abused animal,

Or powerful as
a crying child,

Not as memorable
as a warzone,

Not a battlefield
of brain damage
from repeated blows,

I am not a hero
and I am to old
to be a victim
because the expiration date
was a long time ago,

So when people
talk about their trauma
I do not expose
those old wounds

Because,
no one really listened
when I told them the truth,

So I take my shovel
and I bury old scars
dig as deep as I can
until I can see
the stars
on the otherside

I am being silly
flexing
while wearing
a black coat
but under these
long black sleeves
I got arms
like young
Hercules

Whether I am weary
or not
I wrap myself up
in the cold
winter cloth
to shiver
and shake
this dust of snow off.

I go to work out,
then go to work,
whether I am wide awake
or barely alert,

But, my once feather light feet
now are like lead weights
that burden me,

Caffeine doesn’t seem
to be working,
even in excessive
doses,

My left eye closes
sealed shut
with sleep dust,
so I pull it up
and out
like a little scab,
thank goodness
it doesn’t bleed
like that.

Even though
I try to trick
my tired mind,
I know
that I am slow
because
I don’t even want to
finish this…….

We are citizens,
victims of a system
of stratification.

We use fiction
to relate
us to them,
women and men,
social programming
for the progress
to do more then
just began again.

While the filthy fat cats
are raking it in
doing more then
making a killing
by selling weapons
made to ****
foreign children,

making profits
off the violence
while calling us
immoral
criminals.

So, we use fantasy
to cross the breach,
break the cranium
so you can see
reality
through
that fictional brew,

and gain compassion
from the stories you read
or the movies you see.

This is the time
to select a brave few
who may follow you
through

I miss the small town girls,
whose names I have
mostly forgotten,
the games of tag,
the make believe scenarios,
the fun we had.

I miss the star lit chats
that the adults had,
while I ran
with flint rock sparks,
and chased fireflies.

I miss the old campground,
where we would swim
in a small sandy pond,
splashing.
When the older folks
dipped in
they got bitten,
but I never felt
any fish nibbling.

These memories
have been dimming
over time,
plus distance
as I swim in
a different
world,

but I was younger then
playing with other children,
innocent.

I miss those moments.

The battle’s done.
the words are spoken,
body tired,
spirit broken.

Thus, I walk,
a flickering flame
that has no name,

a whirling windstorm
that will not
pass this way again.

The fire dims
then expires.
The flesh falters
and there is
no more desire,

and all I was
is left distorted,
passing friendly memories,
into whispers,
then written vagaries,
and on into nothing.

In time I die
a thousand plus
tiny deaths
long after
my final breath,

but whatever
comes after this
I hope the world
was at least
a little bit better
cause I existed.

I am preparing
for the sharing
of grief
as a another doctor
leaves.

Space and time
part like
the red sea.
I believe
the next one
will be good,

but I am emotionally attached
like I was to the last,
and the other doctor who passed.

Christmas time
and I will come home
to find
these tears of mine
are rather silly,
falling for
a fictional character
who isn’t even
dying.

He is just regenerating,
just changing
like we all do
even though
we struggle to
hold on to the past.

Nothing lasts,
nothing last,
nothing………

They agree with me
retroactively,
say they
were always
against the hate,

but I remember when
those women
and men
came rolling in
with their rage,

when they said
the immigrants
were to blame,
when the few
who stood against them
were defamed.

It has happened
again and again,
blacklists,
secret prisons,
social poisons,
marches,
white rage,
fascism.
The masses join in
while we keep struggling.

Then when
peace swings
back in,
when the pendulum
is less threatening
I hear them say
that they never behaved
that way. *******!

I’ll bet their grandchildren will proclaim
“I could never be led astray the same way.”
Then make the same about face.