your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

scarlet lies
bloodshot eyes
broken bench where bats fly
perfect night imperfect still
soft embrace on jagged metal
a night that ends in moans
until we depart to
homes that are not homes

I said I loved you
you said you were falling in love with me
which is different

I said I hated everything
you said you didn’t hate wildflowers

bleach running down my throat
to clean out all your lies
which i swallowed whole

hour long calls
hour long messaging
hour long giggles

minutes long stories
minutes long for a few words
minutes long for being scared, afraid and desperate

seconds long for three words
seconds long for saying sorry
seconds long for a bye

and a fraction of a memory

i know it's bad to hold on but i just miss your company.

i don't think i miss you like i used to, maybe it's just the friendship i want now, the conversations we had and how happy i was.

i miss me.

i wish we knew from the start,
if someone was going to leave you in the end

so that i would never get close
                            never would trust
                        & never would love them

Your naked body
Pressed on mine
We kissed

I thought that
I should feel
Something

Thrill, euphoria
Lust, love
Or bliss

But no
I felt
Nothing