How fun it would be
To fall down a hole into a far away place,
Full of creatures unknown,
Stories untold,
A universe away from the human race.

How fun it would be
To be able to think all day.
Mad as a hatter,
Crooked as a caterpillar,
With no one to feed your head except
The whispering winds around you.

Oh Alice, dear Alice,
How I do envy you.
Up here, surrounded by malice
Violence, and ever-vacuous people.

Every day we feed our heads with
The words of crooked politicians
And mindless, uncivil movements.

Oh Alice, dear Alice,
This world's time is ticking closer
To the end.

You bring out the fear in me, the unbearable panic in me
You bring out the weakness and the white flag
The constant feeling of worry and the need to be prepared
You bring out the negative in me, the what ifs and terrible endings
The constant anticipation of how to stop you from ruining me
You bring out the paralyzing fear in me that leaves me breathless
The tingles that spread through my hands, my arms and chest and into my stomach
slowly reaching my face, starting at my nose then spreading under my eyes
they start to twitch and my hands begin to cramp up towards my body
My muscles contracting and tightening within their free will
pretty soon my shoulders tighten up and my body is stiff and im unable to move
I can hardly breathe.....
My chest is tight and its hard to get a good breath.... I'm unable to talk..
All i can do is cry....
But this isn't the only thing you bring out in me.
You bring out the fighter in me, the side of me that doesn't want to give in. You bring out the strength that i must remind myself that i still have
You bring out the side of me that wants to understand you, that doesn't want to fear you
You bring out the DON'T STOP ******* FIGHTING in me
I wish to understand you, i know there is no getting rid of you
I want  to be able to live everyday normal..
I don't want to have that thought in the back of my mind "what if my anxiety picks up today"
I want to be happy and go on with my day and not even have to think about you.
I want to be better, i want to be strong, i want to be in control... but maybe that's it.. maybe your here to show me i cant always be in control?
Sometimes i cry because you bring out the confusion in me and the helplessness.. the fearful child that doesn't know what to do, sometimes i feel it would be easier to end it all... but i cant imagine leaving everyone i love behind... it just ***** that you bring out these thoughts and feelings.. sometimes i don't even know what I'm feeling.
I just want to be happy again

chaos erupts like a fire inside my mind
self destructive habits roaming my brain like a familiar terrain
I have become acquainted to the lack on control I have over my mind
i want control, but my body has given up trying to fight the demons inside
I am tired, I am scared.
I am not mine, I am my mind’s.

Maybe we've both matured.
Maybe we've just drifted.
Maybe we were meant for only a short amount of time.
Maybe we were meant for this fate..

That doesn't mean I don't miss you though.

I look happy, don’t I?
there are no cuts on my wrists
all you see is the smile on my lips
But how long will it take you before
you will look deep into my eyes
and realize that you didn’t check good enough
Have you seen my heart? it’s filled with scars

*(s.m)