Every time I see you
You're stronger than I remember
And I thought I had torn you down
I'll have to fix that

You seem taller
More confident
What's gotten into you
Since we last met

What the hell is this
You've never fought back
I was going to make you worthless again
I don't understand

Okay okay
You win, now *******
Yeah, sure whatever, I'll leave you alone
But remember what I helped create

You've got guts kid
Even I can't argue that

Im waiting for the sting.
For the gunshot that ends me.
Im waiting for you to give up on me.
Im scared that
In the midst of my happieness
You will come forth and mention your upmost sadness.
Im afraid you are gonna hurt me
(yes, guys get hurt and remember it too)
Im waiting for you to realize what a ****** i am.
I wait for the day you find someone better.
And though you tell me im the one,
I still have nightmares of abandonment.
Its not your fault.
Maybe i should just believe in love,
in you
But im scared
Cause ive put my faith in places before,
*and was met with overwhelmong dissapointment

I said it before.
But i didnt explain.
The complexity of my words.
What did i say?
"My tears are like knives
And im crying all over my body
Ive got scars all over"
See i wasnt lying.
My cheeks look like a cuttingboard.
Each time my body gets cut open
My blood runs black.
It oozes through my veins, and out to the ground.
I am not to be understood.
Like one runs into a train
The roads so similiar
But wind up here,
On this one tear.
These tears that cut,
Are like unopenable doors that shut.
The wind up closes,
As my final thoughts choose to vanish.
These tears
These knives
Prove often to be poetic
Because i often write about the scars.
I often write about my pain
but my silence echoes.
Bouncing
Bouncin
Bounci
Bounc
Boun
Bou
Bo
B.
*silence

If i told you i needed help
would you listen?
Or would your silence
Echo off the walls.
See my life is like a car,
Sometimes moving fast
And other times so **** slow.
If i told you i feel hurt inside
would you not just hear
but listen
to what i said
I need someone to care.
Im tired of trying to fight alone.
Im tired of trying to survive at a table for one.
If i told you
I cry all over my body
And each tear is a knife
And they are leaving scars on my flesh,
Would you cut me a bandage,
Sop up my blood,
Or leave me to bleed out.
If i told you
I was alone and my demons are taunting me
would you get me out
Or would you keep walking
or keep scrolling...
Im not begging for attention,
But one cannot be expected to be alone and silent like a life long detention.
If i told you
I was ready to confess everything
Come clean from my secrets,
Strip myself naked so you could see my imperfections
would you care even the slightest bit
Or are you so selfish
And so ignorant
To walk on
And leave this person to die.
If i told you i was ready to die
would you blame it in cliche,
Or believe it and save me from damnation
Its time to think.
It could be up to you
This isnt just my world,
Its yours, too
and dont you want to be
somebody
To someone?
I need you.
Because all of these "if i told you's
Are becoming
**im telling you

When you remember me, please remember my smile.
When you remember me, think of the way I laughed.
When you remember me, remember the way my hair looked in the morning.  
Don’t remember my cuts or scars, I’m not ashamed that I cut, but you are.
I want you to remember me running through the sprinkler or making silly faces underwater.
I want you to remember me wearing miss-matched socks.
I want you to know how much I loved you, because I really do.
I’m sorry if you are reading this, I didn’t want you to live a day without me there with you.
I want you to know it’s ok if you find someone else to love, someone you can make love with.
Someone who does your laundry like I did.
I want you to find someone who likes mint chocolate chip ice cream as much as we did.

Everyone wants to get on the front page
**but sometimes i dont want everyone to see me

If you think you can love me,
I'll give you a good chance.
But i must say
im really quite stubborn
I will insist that i am ugly
Which in fact i am
I will cry,
though im a guy.
I will fight for you,
Despite my own fright.
If you think you can love me,
I welcome you to try.
The question is
*do you accept this challenge, ***?