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Elvie Libby Aug 2015
I admire you,
I really do,
The way words flow through you,
Almost like you're some form of prophet,
Each syllable etching a new crack of brilliant clarity in the timeline of our former hazy days.
I admire you,
I adore you,
Let me keep you.
The people I'm allowed to call my friends are more beautiful than I can describe to you.
Elvie Libby Jan 2015
Tell me,
Tell me how,
Tell me how I’m selfish,
Tell me how I’m selfish for planning my ending.

Explain to me how, though you can see the ropes tied to my limbs,
and you can feel the itch of my scream in your ears,
and ignore it,
that I am selfish.
“They took their own life”
As if it’s a surprise.
They finally retrieved the ultimate prize.
The right to their own life.
A life spent on somebody else,
as I often restrict myself,
“I can’t leave, there’s too many people relying on me.”
Explain to me how YOU are selfless,
when day after day,
at any opportunity you remind me that I made a MISTAKE.
How dare I try to abandon YOU?
Was my mistake ever trying in the first place,
or not having tried hard enough?
How is it that a right to my life that doesn't belong to me,
negates my right to a death,
the only thing, that will ever be recognised as my own.

“Here lies, Libby Preston, a girl who felt the need to take her own life.”
I apologise for my ‘wrong-doing.’
I apologise that I took control of what should have been, mine.
I apologise that you can’t think past what you feel inside your head.
I apologise that you can’t accept mine.
I apologise for the fact that the human race feels it has the
right to end the life of another living creature,
but do not have the right to do what they would like with
their own.

A death can rattle the planet.
It will cause upset, naturally.
However- emotions fade.
Reality does not.
We can dive into irrelevance,
I will decide not to live a life taped to the sole of somebody else’s shoe,
I will decide to live for me, and to die for me.

Lecture me about consideration, go on,
I dare you.
Hypocrite.

I’m ‘selfish’ for wanting a right to my life.
You’re ‘selfless’ for stopping me.
For anyone who's ever been trapped by too much 'consideration.'
I don't mind if you disagree with me, this is simply my point of view.
Elvie Libby Feb 2016
I will lock myself in that room for hours. I will turn the light off and wait. I know plausibly that there is nothing that could want to rip my skin from bone in the darkness of my bathroom but I will sit and wait and wonder just in case anything ever could, would, should.
Maybe I am just waiting to feel.
Maybe I'm just very silly.

I am a sad little girl.
I have waited
Elvie Libby Jan 2015
Noose**
They add weight to this necklace,
they add to the strain.
Though they may not understand the weight of their words.
Either way I'm lost for the wave of breath that should pulsate through my veins,
and keep me conscious enough to fix the damage I've caused,
I've tried,
I have,
I'm powerless to the pain.
Chapter Five by Lottie
Elvie Libby Jan 2015
And this is the part I hate the most,
I can feel myself deflating already.
Chapter Seven by Lottie
Elvie Libby Jan 2015
Noose
If I dared let it slip,
I can't,
I mustn't,
I cannot risk causing explicit trauma,
to those who care enough,
who try with all their might no matter how rough to free me,
from this indefinite strain,
and despite these bruises I promise to try my hardest,
I will not let my thoughts,
collapse.
Regardless of every wave of panic that ripples itself through my nervous system and leaves me void of breath,
I promise to try my hardest,
I will not let my framework snap.**

I'll try.


This necklace is too pretty to surrender.
Chapter One, was written by my friend Lottie, we'll be writing these alternately
Elvie Libby Jan 2018
Stop taking others' pain and making it your own. You see they need help and become jealous of their fragility? Make up your own problems and blame them why don't you? Yeah that's exactly what they needed, your blame. This was years ago, it's not about you or them anymore. You're the only one holding on.
Elvie Libby Jan 2015
I cannot let you find me,
Leave me to hide in my sanctuary.
Elvie Libby Mar 2015
I am afraid to lose what I have built up,
for another example of fleshy architecture.
Elvie Libby Mar 2015
Lecture me once more about my inability to see outside of myself.
How I'm selfish for trying to be selfless.
Write a poem about your inability to see outside of yourself.
Convince yourself you aren't as self-centered as the rest of us.
Elvie Libby Mar 2015
And she's at her loneliest when surrounded by souls that are equally as lonely as hers.
Elvie Libby Jan 2015
We are engulfed by loud noise,
Perpetual loud noise,
The inconsiderate drone of day to day existence,
and equally as inconsiderate voices of the loud people,
in the loud streets,
with their loud lives,
and loud schedules,
concerned with their loud promises,
and loud deadlines,
who never stop to listen to the other voices in the loud streets,
with their loud cars,
and loud crossroads.
The loud world in which we live can be tuned out,
and it is because of these loud voices,
in the loud streets,
of this loud world that we are used to ignoring what noise there is.
I still wish for silence.
However,
Within this bottled loud noise is a thunder,
You,
You being the quiet person you always have been,
You are the loudest noise of all.
You rip into my skull and rattle my ear drums,
You tear needles through my nervous system,
and weave through every fibre I possess until my thread comes undone,
and I'm a loud, de-tangled, empty shell,
in a loud de-tangled full up world.
And before I know it, you're back again,
You and your loud, loud quiet,
and you melt me back together,
and I still wish for silence,
and you tangle your loudness within mine,
and we fill up the bottled noise of this loud world,
with it's loud streets,
and it's loud people,
with loud promises,
and loud deadlines,
and loud schedules,
with their loud lives,
with our inconsiderately loud quiet,
and finally-
It's silent.
This was awful, I know. But my head isn't doing good things at the moment, and I'm sorry if you felt this was a waste of 2 minutes
Elvie Libby Dec 2015
I'd like to begin by thanking you,
For you my friend do not quite understand just how important you are to me.
I'm overwhelmingly glad I met you that day,
As we passed mutual comment over that older boy's idiocy,
I cannot imagine my life currently without you in it somehow,
So I will leave you with this request:
Please don't leave.
To one of the best people I know, who encourages me to express myself, and who picks me up when I'm at my lowest, thank you.
Elvie Libby Jul 2015
Perhaps if I did not find myself so repulsive,
I could let you love me as you wish you could.

Perhaps if you didn't find my uses so appealing,
I could love myself as I was always told I should.
Being used isn't okay.
Elvie Libby Mar 2015
So as I sit here and droop my toes over the end of my bed frame,
and watch my fish blow orbs to the ceiling,
despite the tranquility,
I feel myself sinking.
Silence is drowning.
my fish just looked cute
Elvie Libby Feb 2015
I continue to crawl within the skin of something I'm not,
and never have been,
is not life a question of acting?
Elvie Libby Jul 2015
I don't trust myself enough to write any more.
Elvie Libby Feb 2016
All the double edged people and schemes,
they make a mess then go home and get clean.
A World Alone- Lorde
Elvie Libby Jan 2015
Working, working, working, working, working, writing,
working,
writing,
writing,
writing,
drinking,
eating,
wasting,
breathing,
crying,
screaming,
waiting,
dying.
There was no point to this other than to write something because everything feels trapped, so words are miniature escape routes as of the moment
Elvie Libby Mar 2015
the tiredness in their eyes but pretend not to notice God forbid you become entangled in their despair.

— The End —