Your lips tasted like nicotine
Your hair smelt like rain
What really dragged me in was that
In your eyes I saw pain

I wanted to fix you,
I wanted to love you,

How could I help
When I'm the one who needed help

I should've fixed myself first,
I should've loved myself first,

Now my veins overflow with nicotine,
My hair smells like rain,
The worst part is that,
When I look in the mirror, all I see is pain.

Sitting beside each other
watching as the sun goes underwater
and the moon casting its light brightly.

Your finger lightly traces on my shoulder,
A sun and moon that used to be closer.
The wind flows through lightly

The night starts to get colder.
You grab me to pull me in closer,
I place a salty kiss on you neck lightly

It's time to go as the sky gets darker
Spending my days with you is lovely

It's a warm Arizonan afternoon
I'm five feet tall,
but you make me feel like I can touch the moon.

I look up to your face
against the pink cotton candy cloud filled skies
Right before you pull me in for a sweet kiss.
I come to realize how time really flies.

I hope the sun doesn't set on us too soon
so we can taste cotton candy every afternoon.

You’re the bees knees,
You’re so **** cool I look back and want to be more like you.
I would do anything to fit in your shoes and your jeans...

I know I will find you again.
By finding you I’ll find myself.
By finding myself I’ll find you.

The sun and moon couldn’t be together forever.
Eclipses like those are somewhat of a rare occasion and you’re so lucky you got to experience it.

You are everything you ever wanted to be. Stop wanting to grow up to be somebody, you already are yourself and that’s more than enough.

There’s beauty everywhere inside you.
Flowers bloom in your darkest corners and trust me, there’s someone who will come inside you and replace the broken lights so your flowers can grow and you will both call it a home.

Keep loving yourself xoxo,

21 year old me

I lost my heart a long time ago
I've been trying to find it
Around every corner.
I think it's time, to go back
To the place I lost it
Stop looking for it
In every pair of sad eyes
In every pair of toxic lips
That taste like the honey
That makes hazy.
In every grip of hands
That pin me down
And tell me lies I want to hear.
Because that wasn't love,
Love doesn't hurt
Love doesn't make you want to rip your chest open to see if there's a piece of your heart still left.
Love doesn't neglect and make you feel unwanted.

I hope my heart comes back to find me
And when it does I hope it gleams like an emerald.

Falling into the dark,
Into the abyss of your heart.
It's all so dark,
I don't see the light.
Your arms around me tight,
All I know is I've never fell this low.
You let my fingers slip,
Said you'd never let me go.
I could still feel your grip.
So why'd you let me go?
I don't know if it's all a dream,
But I feel so at ease.
I could almost touch the clouds.
I'm so deep in the grounds.

Falling in place with the universe

I am falling in love
And I am not alone

You glow under the starlight
You're my star boy
And we dance

There's no gravity pulling on my heart
There's you pulling on my hair

I don't feel trapped at all
even with your grip around me tight.
I gasp for air
And I explode,
Explode with pleasure, passion, satisfaction

Now with eyes wide open
I see this all flash before my eyes.
I look into your eyes
There's still stars in them.
You blink and stardust falls from your lashes.
And it makes me realize I've dreaming with eyes open.

I'm a small wilting wildflower
Exhausted and almost completely drained.

From those selfish quick-heartbeated hummingbirds,
All they want is a taste of my sweet nectar and leave before I can finish...
a sentence.

My first time wasn't really a first time.
For the only thing that penetrated me were his eyes, his gaze burned into my soul and made it's nest there.
Nurtured a Phoenix that turned into ashes when he left and burned with passion every time our eyes met.
Shivers and quivers,
Moans and groans!
He took me there without having to go anywhere.
Left me high and dry and quenched my thirst right after.
I didn't want to stop thrusting that night or the night after.
The only thing that could've put out that fire was death itself, yet nothing dies in paradise.
My body might have stayed pure that night but my mind and soul were forever charred.

Blue,
When you call him black.

Blue,
When you call her white.

Blue,
When you judge my skin tone.

Is that all you see in me?
Won't you take a closer peek?

Beneath all this, you and I,
Believe it or not,
We are the same,

Just a body.

We move,
We talk,
We think.
And that's the most important thing.

And while talking on the phone,
You can't hear my tone.
So talk to me.

We gift each other conversations about our future as if it were our present.

These conversations open doors and all I can hear is “Honey, I’m home!”
All we have are the blueprints
yet, our backs ache from building the home that only lives in our imagination.

We have set rules our children must follow as if they were living not only under our minds, but under our roof.

I can see home in your eyes.
I can feel it surrounded by your arms.
Home is wherever I’m with you.

There's a little bit of me in who you are today
As there's a little bit of you in the memories of yesterday.
You didn't appreciate me back when,
And took me for granted back then.
(Lesson learned.)

When you wake up from your drugged haze
The little bits will accumulate and you'll remember my face.
It'll be reality that you're going to face.

One day you'll look in the mirror and call my name
But I'll be on a train forgetting your name.

Just wash your face and let it all fade away.

Maybe he did love me
But the drugs made him forget why.

He left,
Physically, he was still there.
Emotionally, he was absent every time.
His heart turned cold, with no happiness inside.

I left,
Physically, I walked away.
Emotionally, I'm still there.
My heart had a wide open wound, I'd given him everything inside.

I still love him
And the drugs don't help me forget why.

Where we would sit in your car at midnight
Up on a hill watching the city still alive at night
Smoke flowing through our lungs
And electricity through our fingertips.
We sat in silence admiring the view,
More than often I would look over and admire you.
Listening to Johnny Cash,
Oh please take me back.
You would sing to me,
Those were some good times.

"I love you"
Neither of them said it out loud,
But they both felt it when they gasped for air
as their tongues danced in the rain.
With closed eyes and open mouths.
With that angsty feeling of wanting to run
into each other's arms,
But scared to shatter their hearts
and bruise their knees.
In the rain they stood, they were electricity.

Spring is a sun kissed forehead.
It’s a cherry blossom tree whose flowers flutter like butterflies in your stomach.
It’s pink rosy cheeks when your eyes meet.
It’s sharing a vanilla milk shake and asking for a kiss to see how it tastes.

Summer is skin covered in sweat from midday ***. It’s when sweat from your lover’s forehead drip drops in your mouth and you love the taste. Because it quenches a thirst that you didn’t know was there. So hot you want to rip each other’s skin off. It’s a kiss that leaves all the colors of the sunset on your skin.

Autumn is a cozy hug by the fire. It’s chills up your spine when curious fingers trace your scars. It’s taking out the skeletons in your closet and wearing them as costumes for each other. It’s trick or treat and smelling each other’s feet because you’re comfortable like that with each other.

Winter is peace and quiet in the daylight. It’s lonely and silent in the moonlight. It’s laying in the dark with your backs facing each other. It’s being a millimeter away and feeling so distant from each other. It’s loud tears that only you can hear and being choked by fear.

Love is all the seasons.

You know, all I want to do is go up to the very top of a mountain and sit down to watch the sunrise, watch the sky change into magical colors. I would stretch my arms out wide and give the sun a hug, let it's warmth fill my soul with happiness and joy.

I miss your voice
your stare
your smile
your hair

The trails of kisses
that lead to who knows where

I miss your love
your touch
your lust
your care.

I miss you.

I was a wildflower in a garden of roses
and you still decided to water me.
You wanted to help me grow,
But all you did was pile more soil on me,
All your dirt was on top of me.
Burying me deeper and deeper
underneath.
It was so hard to breathe,
I wanted to breathe fresh air and feel the sunlight on my hair!

You stopped watering me.
I rose through the dirt you'd put on me,
Helped myself grow and now I am so tall.
You can try to cover me with dirt,
but that won't be enough.
I will always rise.