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I ****** up
I ****** up

I used once more
after swearing up and down
I would never touch the stuff again

In a moment of weakness
IN a moment of pure agony
I got out my white powder
and did my old routine

I'm sorry Kaitlyn
I'm sorry Panda
I'm sorry Arianna
I'm sorry Sofia

Please dont get mad
I ****** up
I know I did
I'll try harder next time
I used again. ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry guys
I see the car
driving off the cliff
down
down
down
down
it goes.......

But my day didnt start out like that

I woke up
to my mothers sing songing voice
Victor wake up hunny we're going on a trip!

Olivia comes squeeling in
jumping on my bed
Trip! Trip! Trip!
her three year words tumbling out

Getting ready we all hop in the car
Mother
father
son
daughter
in that big old Caravan

where are we going

A cross country trip

Summer time is here
lets make the most of it

We got across a few states
sightseeing as we went
camara flashing
marking our journey

Grab a motel room
spend the night

next day get up
eat breakfast
on the road again

Then it happened.
A moose in the middle of the road
Dont ask me the state
my brain has blacked that out

But it never bothered to block out the accident

Dad tried to aviod it
but it was to big
He hit the back end
and went spinning over the cliff
tumbling down
and down

glass shattering
twigs getting in

the car settles at the bottom
upside and smashed

I try to get my bearing
my six year old self freaking out

SOMETHING attacks my face
To this day I dont know what it is
But now my left eye is dead
my vision destroyed
claw marks rake that side of my face

with blood in my eye
I try to find my parents
They are still not moving

Dads neck is bent funny
so is moms

I hear my sister calling out to me
hanging upside down
reaching out to me

Something is wrong with her chest
She wasnt wearing a red shirt
she was wearing Yellow

dont worry Livy
Everythings gunna be ok

with my promise on my lips
I unbuckle my seatbelt
surprised it still worked

I crawled out of my seat
and to my father
trying not to look at his
dead eyes.
I love you daddy, Goodbye

reach into his pocket
grab his cell phone
whats that number again?
Oh right
911

call it
cry scream
tell the people
HELP ME, HELP OLIVIA
Mommy and daddy went to heaven already

Olivia, shes fading
***** hold on they're coming
Her whimpers stop
and her body goes limp

NOOOOOOOOOO
I shout and scream
shrieking into the night

The flashback fades away
I wake up
in my own room
18 years later

I survived
My whole family didn't

Whoever is out there
God? Alleh, Goddess, Whomever
Why didnt you take me with them?

Why did you have to leave me here?
why did you have to break me?
My first tim ever writing or talking about the accident that killed my whole family when I was only 6. I am the only survivor. the doctors still can't figure out what attacked my face, They suggest that somehow a bird got into the car and clawed my face trying to get out.
I dream't with you,
You loved me and I loved you     
We were happy
but that's all it was
a Dream...
 May 2014 Fenix Flight
Arcassin B
by Arcassin Burnham






you and me were rebels,
you and me were *** addicts,
you and me were against the world,
trying to take a stab at it,
you use to have this habit,
of walking down the street,
and chasing me down,
begging for forgiveness sweetly,
your family were all jerks,
saying this wouldnt work,
but little did they know,
sooner or later you were gonna give birth,
so we kept it a secret,
and waiting til the time was right,
with your sister snooping around,
i just stayed away for some nights,
looking at the next day,
thinking this would be over,
just to see your face again,
choosing different closures,
ill never make that mistake again,
blue hair,
covered my chest,
without a single regret,
remember that time you were single,
feeling desperate,
lights on all your walls,
pictures with all the phone numbers,
settings that couldnt be relapsed,
wishing she was a dog lover,
or my lover.
http://arcassin.blogspot.com/2014/05/put-it-all-behind.html
 May 2014 Fenix Flight
Namir
~Why?~
 May 2014 Fenix Flight
Namir
As I sit here, Waiting, wandering, and watching.
I can help but think, "Why?"
Why do we do what we do?
Why do we feel how we feel?
Why do we have free will?
Why do we cherish things and people?
Make friends, lovers, and enemies alike.
Why is the biggest question of all.
But can never truly be answered.
There will always be doubt and holes in reasoning.
There will always be another answer to fight against.
There will always be something getting in the way.
So just answer me this, Why?
 May 2014 Fenix Flight
Namir
What happens when you start to give up?
You feel less? You try less? you do less?
Not really
Giving up doesnt just mean you just stop
It means you are letting go.
Leaving what you once had behind.
So when you sit there and say you are giving up,
Are you really willing to let yourself become different?
Change what you thought of and let go of what you had?
Giving up. A simple phrase that means much more then people think.
It doesn't just affect you but also the ones close to you.
They notice this change, this doubt, and this pain.
Yes its a pain, That shows bright as day.
So next time you are giving up, Ask yourself this,
"Am I ready to let go? Am I ready to move on?"
Because if you make a mistake,
Things wont be the same when you try and go back.
 May 2014 Fenix Flight
Namir
...I love you... [deleted, never sent]

Is there anything I can do to help fix it? [deleted, never sent]

...Please don't run away... [deleted, never sent]

Maybe I should get back with my ex?... what do you think?... [Stopped at get back with, never even finish writing, deleted, never sent]

...You know things wont be the same right?... [deleted, never sent]

Remember the day with the pillow fort, Yea, That was the day I promised myself I would save you.... Look how that turned out. [Thought about sending, deleted, never sent]

I will always be here for you... Please remember that... *[deleted, rewrote, and sent]
This is, in a way, me venting and getting the words unspoken out. I just... Hope it doesn't upset her more... But all my words come from the heart...
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