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Mar 2019 · 423
When You Love Someone
Fenix Flight Mar 2019
When you love someone
you'd do anything to protect them.
To make them happy and feel loved.
You would do anything to see them smile,
and keep the tears away.

and respect
is reward enough.

If you really love someone,
hurting them would be impossible,
it would **** you just to think about it.

So my question is.....

....... Does he Really Love me?
My husband cheated on me. He sexually flirted with women on line and actually video chatted with on if you know what I mean.......
Fenix Flight Mar 2019
I hate you!
You've shattered my heart
and broken my trust.

All this anger
boiling through my veins
turning the pieces of my heart
to cold hard stone.

I hate you!
You've turned my anxiety
into paranoid Suspicion.  

You cheated on me.
Why did you cheat on me?
Why did you do this to me?

All these thought running through my head,
Did I do something wrong?
What did I do to deserve this?
Am I not good enough?

You're my Husband,
my Best Friend.
You say you love me,
but how can I believe you,
when you toss our love aside?

You sexually flirt online
with random strange women.
Yet I am over here
screaming for your attention.

I'm practically throwing myself
into your arms.
Begging and pleading
for just one small touch,
and you Toss me to the side.

As the tears fall
and my throat raw
from holding in the screams.
My Soul burns and stings
from the pain of your betrayal.

I Hate You!
For hurting me,
I Hate You!
Why did you do this to me?
I Hate You!
Why am I not good enough?
Feb 2019 · 1.5k
Reverse Time
Fenix Flight Feb 2019
Can we go back to simpler days?
When I didnt think this was all a mistake.
When there was nothing but love,
and I knew the taste of your embrace.
Aug 2018 · 391
A Letter To My Son
Fenix Flight Aug 2018
I am laying here in the early morning with you laying on my chest. I cant help the smile that is on my face. Baby boy you gave my life a whole new meaning. Baby boy you started healing a wound I thought would never heal. I know understand women who say they feel like a piece of their heart is running outside their body.

You are only two weeks old but it feels like you have been in my life forever. The moment I heard you cry for the first time I couldn’t help the overwhelming tears of happiness that flowed from my eyes. I just wanted to hold you and cling to you and never let you go.

Oh my sweet little son how Mommy loves you. I vow I will do everything in my power to protect you and love you and help you succeed in this wild crazy world. I will always be in your corner supporting you in everything you do.

You mean more to me then my own life. There isnt a thing I wouldnt do just to see that small little smile. Even when I am exhausted and sleep deprived I wouldnt change any of it for the world.

I have never known unconditional love until I laid my eyes on you for that very first time.

Nathan I love you so much! Always know this

Your mommy
Nathan Thomas Born 7/26/18 @7:56pm
Dec 2017 · 246
Second Chance Rainbow
Fenix Flight Dec 2017
This rainbow of Hope that is blooming inside me
I cling to you
you precious miracle
Oct 2017 · 370
Fenix Flight Oct 2017
Was your spotlight more important?
I felt like it was more loved
So much I felt guilty about my own

I didnt get to appreciate mine
Because I was more concerned about yours.
Why couldnt they have been happy
For two brightly shining lights?

I didnt get to feel happy
Because I was to busy crying
For fear of dimming yours

And when Mine shattered
And plunged me into darkness
You took yours and fled
Becoming the single once again.

You say you were afraid
That I would resent it and hate it
But that could NEVER Happen.

But Im starting to hate YOU
Im starting to resent YOU

resenting you for making me feel guilty for having my own.  
Hating you for fleeing when I lost mine

Shouldnt we have been happy
For two brightly shining stars?
Instead of everyone pitted against me
Where you could do no wrong?

You soaked up the spotlight
Truat me there was no room for anyone else
Even if they had tried.

I hid mine under the grime
Dulling it and making it seem unimportant

And Im sorry "sweet" girl
But I HATE you for it
Im sorry if this hurts you. But it needed to be said.
Fenix Flight Aug 2017
This is a Pregnancy loss Poem that is quite long. I wanted to warn ahead of time in case of triggering topics!

You dont know what its like
To have millions of dreams for the future
and then have them ripped away from you
all in a blink of an eye.

You dont know what its like
to love a tiny human you havent even met yet
just to have to say goodbye
before you even said Hello.

You dont even know what its like
To give birth to your child
just to hear *"she's gone"

and cry like your heart has been ripped out.

You dont know what its like
to go home with empty arms
when all you want to do
is cling to your child.

You dont know what its like
To never hear their first cry
or laugh, or see their first smile
or  hear their first "I love you mommy/Daddy".

You dont know what its like
to feel like you failed your child
when they needed you the most
and hear the words "there is nothing you can do"

You dont know what its like
to hold your child's urn and sob
Sob for the life you never met
sob until there are no more tears left

You dont know what its like
to wake up in the middle of the night
from a horrible nightmare
only to realize it's actually your new reality

You dont know what its like
to feel like there is a hole in your heart
that doesnt seem to ever heal or lessen
but seems to grow deeper with each breath.

You dont know what its like
to be jealous of the people around you
Holding and showing their newborn babies
and Screaming *"ITS NOT FAIR!"

You dont know what its like
To be told *"GOD HAD A REASON"

and wanting to scream
"You're god must be cruel to want my child dead!"

You dont know what its like
To be stuck in so much pain
and watch the world around you move on
Terrified you're child will soon be forgotten by them.

You dont know what its like
to be so Terrified to talk about them
becuase you dont want to make others uncomfortable
But it pains you deeply to be silent

You dont know what its like
to wake up each morning knowing
your baby is no longer with you,
that you have to keep going on without them

And if you know what it is like
I am so Terribly Sorry for your pain
No one and I mean NO ONE
Should have to go through this pain.
I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy
To my Daughter Carole Jean who was born sleeping exactly three months ago today on 5/26/17. Born too early at only 20 weeks and 4 days of my pregnancy. I love you babygirl Now and forever!!

ALSO! I am NOT bashing anyone's belief with the line "Your god must be cruel to want my child dead!" I was very angry and was angry at all the higher powers for taking my child away from me. I am very opened and respectful when it comes to Religion. Everyone has the RIGHT to believe in what makes them happy :-D
Aug 2017 · 1.0k
To My Niece Lilith Skye
Fenix Flight Aug 2017
You are only a month old
so you wont understand right now
But I hope you do as you get older.

Auntie Coconut Loves you
With everything she has,
you are my first niece after all ;-P

I vow to always buy you baby socks
at least while you're still a baby
because lets be honest, they are the cutest thing EVER

I Promise to always be the "bad influence"
that everyone talks about
and help you be care free and wild.

I vow to be the goofy nut ball aunt,
that you can trust with all your secrets.
I'll protect them with my life.

I'll be there if you fight with your mom and dad,
and need someone to vent to,
I promise I wont break that trust.

I know I cant be there physically
But I am always here emotionally
I'm also just a call away.

I love you little
Lilith Skye

*Love your Auntie Coconut
My First niece was born July 15th, the day after her mother ( my sister) birthday.  She will be a month old next week!!!!
Fenix Flight Aug 2017
With the lies that fall
so smoothly off your lips
my trust in you crumbles
my heart breaks and bleeds.

The lying
it comes so easily.
It's as if you don't care
about the hurt they cause.

I hate this,
I hate second guessing
every action and word
wondering if its just another lie.

Do you care?
that why hurt me deeply?
that they are tearing me apart?
DO you?
Jun 2017 · 290
Gone Too Soon By Daughtry
Fenix Flight Jun 2017
Today could have been the day,
That you blow out your candles,
Make a wish as you close your eyes.

Today could have been the day,
Everybody was laughing,
Instead I just sit here and cry,

Who would you be?
What would you look like,
When you looked at me for the very first time?
Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a ray of light we never knew,
Gone too soon, yeah.

Would you have been president
Or a painter, an author, or sing like your mother?
One thing is evident,
Would've given all I had,
Would've loved you like no other.

Who would you be,
What would you look like,
Would you have my smile and her eyes?
Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a ray of light we never knew,
Gone too soon, yeah.

Not a day goes by,
I'm always asking why.

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a beautiful light we never knew,
Gone too soon,
You were gone too soon

Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you.
All Rights to this song go to Daughtry and the writers.

Jun 2017 · 1.5k
I Miss You Baby Girl
Fenix Flight Jun 2017
Its times like this
when its quiet and still
that I realize just how much I miss you

Oh My Daughter
I miss you so much
It kills me inside
the pain I feel

It hits me like a tidal wave
and tears stream down my face
I just want to scream to the sky

My chest tightens
and my body starts to shake
I cant catch my breath
and the depression sinks in

I just want to crawl into a hole
and cry until my heart gives in
I just want to go back in time
And save you from this fate.

You were my strength
what kept me going day to day
With out you here I feel so lost
I feel like just giving up.

Baby girl I need you here
I need you back in my life
This isn't fair to me or you
You never got a chance

I wont ever hear you say Mommy
Or hear you say I love you
I will never feel a hug from you
or a kiss on my cheek.

There isn't a second that goes by
That I don't think of you.
You are forever in my heart
and forever a part of my soul.

Stay safe up there Carole
Watch over daddy and I
I'll see you again someday baby girl
I love you.
I miss my daughter so much. The pain is so much.
Fenix Flight Jun 2017
Little Carole Jean
You were born to early
Only 20 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy
Born without a heartbeat

I held you in my arms
So tiny so fragile
8.6oz and only 21 inches long
But so beautiful and pure

You had your daddy's long legs
And my annoying chin
Nine Perfect Baby fingers
And Your tiny feet so cute

I'm so sorry babygirl
That mommy couldn't protect you
I failed you little one
Please can you forgive me.

I see how Daddy cries for you
His eyes show how much he misses you
You were his world, his little princess

I miss you so much
I miss you growing inside me
Watching your daddy wrap his arms around my tummy
And say he is on protection duty

I wish I could have watched you grow up
I can picture you in my mind
Dark unruly red hair
And bright blue eyes like daddy

Your dad would have had to chase all the boys away

I wish I could wake up from this nightmare
And erase this whole last week
Look down and see my bellies small bump
Can I go back to when things were good?

Rest Easy Carole Jean
Be safe up there ok?
You have a whole lot of people to meet you there
And a whole lot of people still yet to come

I will see you again one day
Until then please be good.
I cant wait to hold you again
And I know Daddy can't either.

We will be a family again one day
Until then you are always in my heart.
I will NEVER forget you
I dont think I ever could

I love you daughter
And forever always will
You are with me for eternity

My little baby Carole Jean
My daughter Carole Jean was born 5/26/17. Weighting 8.6oz and only 21cm long. Born still but never the less Still born. I love you babygirl and Mommy always will
Fenix Flight Feb 2017
Tiny human growing inside
Mama loves you already
Five weeks and Six days
Thats how long you've been Here

I cant wait to hear your heartbeat
Daddy cant wait either
Are you a boy?
A girl?

I cant wait to watch you grow
To hold you in my arms
And welcome you to this world
To watch you become someone wonderful

But do I have the right?
Do I have the right to be over the moon?
I feel guilty being so happy
When this isnt my time to shine

I feel guilty and hesitant to share
I feel like If I do
I will lose someone who means
Everything to me.

I feel like I am messing up her moment.
Like I dont have the right to open up
I feel torn and lost and utterly alone
I dont believe I can reach out to her

Im so sorry this happened
I never meant to **** things up
I promise I'll stay in the shadows
This is your shine. Not mine

Just know sis
I love you dearly
And That I am so sorry
For always ruining things for you.
Im sorry Foxy. Im so so sorry :'(.
Aug 2016 · 532
Useless Girl
Fenix Flight Aug 2016
What do you do
When everyone around you is hurting
And you are powerless to help them?

You have nothing to offer
But meaningless stupidity
And childish intellect

You cant give them advise
You cant hold them and tell them its ok
Because you dont know what to do or say

You just sit there and stare
Wishing you could just take away all their pain
Wishing you could put a smile on their face if only for a moment

But you cant
Because you are
Aug 2016 · 2.8k
Moon Of My Life
Fenix Flight Aug 2016
I have found my Khal
The Moon of my life
My Sun and Stars

I will love him until the end of time
until the sun rises in the west
and sets in the east

He chases away the darkness
that is my feral mind
He brings in the light

He is the warrior who won my heart
he dared to love a frightened girl
and Helped bring out the strength in me

He reminds me of my strength
and holds me when I fall apart
Hand in Hand together we can make it through anything

He means the world to me
Without him near I feel incomplete
like part of me is missing

I cant wait to see what our future has in store
but for now lets take it one step at a time
And cherish our time together

*I love you
My Khal
The Moon of my life
Khal, Moon of my life, Sun and Stars, and "until the sun rises in the west and sets in the east" are from the show GAME OF THRONES. They are quotes from the two Characters Daenerys and Drogo. Man and Wife who began their marriage with no love and soon fell in love and their love was strong.
Jul 2016 · 272
Have You?
Fenix Flight Jul 2016
Have ever hated your body so much
You look in the mirror and feel violently ill?

Have you ever hated yourself so much
You want to cause yourself harm?

People give you comments and you just stare
Thinking to yourself how can u say that its not true?

Wanting nothing more then to hide your body
Under baggy big clothes

Wearing clothes that look nice
Yet inside you feel like a pregnant whale.

Have you ever hated living in your own skin
That you begged and cried to be some one else

*I do

I feel that way all the time
Jul 2016 · 224
My sun
Fenix Flight Jul 2016
Before you i was shut down
Closed off from all emotions

I figured if i shyed away
No one could hurt me

But then you strolled in
With your ego and sarcasim

I took one look
And I was caught

My flood gates opened
And I re awakened to the world

You made me feel again
And for that i am so grateful

You light up the darkness
That threatens to over take me

You keep me from falling back
Into the hell that is my mind
You give me a reason to smile
A reason to get up in the morning

Your silly and random
Your child like nature matches mine

You make me feel safe
You make me feel special

The passion I feel for you
Is something Ive never felt before

I love you
With every fiber of my being

I love you Kaleb,
Please always know that
I call him my sun because he lights up the darkness in my life
Jun 2016 · 349
Fenix Flight Jun 2016
Every time I see your smiling face
my stomach gets butterflies
my breath falters.
My heart swells with love.

Every time you kiss me
My knees go weak
My head goes light
I love the feeling.

So special you are to me.
I don't know what I would do
if I ever lost you.
So I hope I never have to find out.
To Kaleb
Jun 2016 · 523
That Boy From Work
Fenix Flight Jun 2016
My heart had turned to stone
I had become the bitter broken girl
Wasnt looking for anything new
Still trying to pick up pieces of a shattered heart

I thought I would never be loved again
I thought that was the end for me
my life started going down hill
I was just done with everything

I wanted to give it all up.
I was losing people left and right
I was so done
I was so tired.

I was going to end it all
Give it up
who would miss me?
No one.

Then he comes crashing in
and cracks fracture like spider webs
Feelings I thought I lost
start waking up and peakign around

He saved me
my blue haired knight
Without even realizing it
I was stuck.

He now has my heart
recently healed from deep cutting wounds.
Please dont break it
It cant handle anymore

I'm trusting you
like I rarely trust anyone
my heart is in your hands
*Please dont break me
To My boyfriend Kaleb who means so much to me
{Kaleb was here and says hi guys ;) }
Jun 2016 · 1.8k
The Joker To My Harley
Fenix Flight Jun 2016
You're crazy matches mine
You're clingy blends percfectly

You are the Joker to my harley
Our love chaotic and fast pace

You're stuck with me
like Perma glue

Wild crazy passionate
We're silly and nerdy

You make me feel safe
and scared all at the same time.

I've told you once
But I will tell you again

I'm yours for
as long as you want me.

My Amazing Joker man
To Kaleb. I love you babe!!!
Jun 2016 · 321
Fenix Flight Jun 2016
Wondering mind
Lustfilled thoughts
Sinful touch
Of an unworthy soul
May 2016 · 510
The Burns Of False Hope
Fenix Flight May 2016
Sometimes Letting go
Hurts less then the burns
you get from Holding on.

But what if the burns
never heal?
What if the pain
Never fades?

Then wouldnt the letting go
Hurt more in the long run?
Why risk that pain
when False hope is so Comforting

False hope
tells you everything you want to hear
False hope
Gives you everything your heart desires

But when it shatters.
The letting go.
It hurts like hell
it hurts more then the false hope
of holding on
May 2016 · 327
Sad Little Girl
Fenix Flight May 2016
It was staring her in the face.
Laughing at her as her tears fell.
It taunted her with its cruel reality.

She wasnt special. She wasnt anything.
She was just some throw away girl
that nobody ever gave a second glance at.
Used like a door mat then tossed away when finished with.

She knew that was all she was.
She never tried to stop it.
She figured "At least she got some attention right?"
Even if it was toxic.
Even If it was just use and abuse.

She smiled on the outside,
made people laugh and made their days.
She was like the court jester to life's sadness.
It kept everyone at bay.
No one looked to closely at the smiling happy child.

No one saw the pain in her eyes silently screaming.
No one saw the marks covering her thighs.
NO one saw the tears at night
or heard the agonizes wails that only her pillow heard.

She just bit back her pain.
And went about her day.
Apr 2016 · 372
Heres The Thing
Fenix Flight Apr 2016
Heres the thing

I broke down
And fell to pieces

But heres the thing

Im still here
Im still smiling

My heart is shattered
And the jagged pieces still hurt

But heres the thing

Im healing
The scar tissue is toughing

I still shed tears
I still long for old memories

But heres the thing

I can listen to our song
And its just a song to me now

We're never getting back together
This is the reality

And heres the thing....

Im finally ok with that
Mar 2016 · 807
The Titanic Promise
Fenix Flight Mar 2016
Remember our promise

If you jump
I jump

But what happens

If I jump

Do you jump too?

Or do you get on
The nearest life boat
And leave me here to drown
All alone in this vast ocean
(This poem was inspired by two things.
One is the wuote "You Jump I Jump" from the movie titanic
The other was the promise my ex promised me when we saw the movie. He said that he would never give up on me me that he would follow me to the ends of the earth. Basically that if i jump he jumped...... He broke his promise)
Feb 2016 · 571
Hope kills
Fenix Flight Feb 2016
Hope kills everything good inside
Clinging to me like silent death
Latching on and whispering in the back of my mind

Everytime im ready to move on
It drags up all the sweet memories
Pointing out the connection we had
Reminding me that the love was real

With its whipsers and illusions
I think to myself
Maybe theres another way
We were to strong to just disappear
We'll get throughr this we'll pull through

But days turn into weeks
Weeks drag on to months
Our four year anniversary passes by me dead  
And I am suddenly brought back to reality
You're never coming back to me

And just like that I am heartbroken again
The pain as fresh as that first day
And everything good I built up inside
Withers and dies under hopes mocking laugh

Please please take away this hope
Because its killing me
And everything good inside
Jan 2016 · 359
The demons playground
Fenix Flight Jan 2016
As night descends upon my world
I lay awake huddled in my bed
And my demons awake and start to play

Their poisons seeping through my veins
Their icy grip clawing through my mind

My eyes their telescope to the outside world
Weaving their dark magic and changing it to their own delusional perception

My ears their static filled radio
Catching only the darkest of

Their cruel voices whisper in my mind
Telling me the truths i knew in my heart all along

Their inky web holding me tight
As i cry into the starless night
Holding me promising me to never let me go.

But as the morning rays appear they scatter back into the depths
But not before they kiss me goodbye
With plans for the next sleepless time.
Jan 2016 · 288
For You
Fenix Flight Jan 2016
Your plane is boarding, got to cross the ocean all alone
My heart is stone
You need to figure out the things that plague you here at home
I'll carry on

Sometimes, it's one thing
And next time, it's nothing
It's more than mistrusting
It ends up just crushing me

Stop with the fighting
I know it's the right thing
I won't let you do this
We have to get through this

So, say something, I'm not holding back
Before the scene we made goes and fades to black
‘cause I can't wait while you think this through
We don't have endless time, remember who left who
‘cause I won't wait, won't wait for you

Your lifeless eyes don't hold the
Same desire anymore, I can't ignore
So long I've wondered, but I think now I know
You're not coming home

Sometimes, it's one thing
And next time, it's nothing
It's more than mistrusting
It ends up just crushing me

Stop with the fighting
I know it's the right thing
I won't let you do this
We have to get through this

So, say something, I'm not holding back
Before the scene we made goes and fades to black
‘Cause I can't wait while you think this through
We don't have endless time, remember who left who
‘Cause I won't wait, won't wait for you

Put my heart in your hands
Committed my whole life to you
And all you had to say
See you in a few days
But days turn into months
This isn't what you promised me
I've gotta let you go
Or just find another way

So, say something, I'm not holding back
(I needed time to work it out alone)
THIS SONG IS BY ALL THAT REMAINS! All rights belong to them

(This is the song I dedicated to my ex Matt, It has helped me through this break up a lot)
Jan 2016 · 259
My Prayer
Fenix Flight Jan 2016
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray to whoever my soul to keep
take my broken shattered heart instead

Maybe then the knot in my chest will lessen
And my shaky breath will steady
and my tears will run dry

Maybe then I wont fee so alone
I will feel like I am worth something again

My mind might not run images of us
day in and day out
I wont lay awake at night plagued by the nightmares of the
what ifs and if only's

I pray your memory becomes distant
and your name becomes just a word

I pray my heart heals soon
so I am not picking up its pieces anymore

I'm down on my knees
praying to whatever entity
that you wont haunt me anymore

this is my prayer for eternity
TO Matt
Fenix Flight Dec 2015
What happens when the beauty has lost her beast?
And a cold wind has blown its way into her heart?

A curse of her own cast itself upon her shattered world
What once brought her joy now brings tears of bitter sorrow.

Her kindness and love decay and rot within her
Their diseased death tainting her soul.

The burning fire of her spirit doused   With hate and anger.
Its smoke wailing to the heavens above.

From her bitter tears a rose is formed.
Its black velvet petals shiny with poisoned heartache

A petal will fall every sunset as her hatred grows.
Only to stop when her pain has ended.

And so they drop.
As lifeless as her world has become

The anger grows

Coiling in her veins

When they all rot
There will be no salvation

And the last rose petal fell
Dec 2015 · 464
Goodbye Matt
Fenix Flight Dec 2015
Just when I think I can to this
that I will make it through
this crushing weight descends
crashing into me leaving me breathless
tears build behind my eyes and I cant catch my breath
double over gasping thinking this will never end.

My heart has shattered
and shattered again
I don't know how many times
each time more painful then the last

How am I suppose to do this without you?
people tell me to focus on the good times to not think about you
well that is highly difficult when all my good times....
...were with you.
Don't think about the past this about the future
That is too painful when I built my future....
....around us.

People tell me to keep my chin up
that this pain will pass.
I don't want to keep my chin up
I want to curl up in a ball and cry my sorrows
I want to scream till my throat is raw
I want you to feel the pain you gave caused.

But most of all.......

*I just want you back....
To my ex. I will always love you. and I hope you succeed in everything you do. I hope your life is amazing. even if I am no longer a part of it
Fenix Flight Dec 2015
You were
my own perfect piece
of Paradise

would you think
being just friends
would suffice
To: Matt, I miss you every second of every day. I just want you back
Oct 2015 · 412
A Cutter's Lullaby
Fenix Flight Oct 2015
Shush little girl
no one cares about your tears
they don't care that you're screaming out inside
They don't see the marks on your thighs

Shush little girl
they will only label you dramatic
stuff those feelings deep down inside
don't let them inconvenience any one else.

Just take the razor
and suffer in silence

Shush little girl
who gives a crap about you?
Smile, laugh, and act OK.
That's all they want to see and hear.

They're too busy with their own lives
to see the pain in yours

So Shush little girl
just take the razor
its your only friend anyway
YEah my depression hit its peak the other week and this was my way of coping instead of actually hurting myself
Jul 2015 · 777
Fenix Flight Jul 2015
His words whisper to you
They bind you to his twisted world
Shining armour so dark
Taint your mind to his pleasure

Rusty is his once strong power
Free is your caged soul
To the floor his ******* rests
Kita you know what this means
Jun 2015 · 424
Words Arent Enough Anymore
Fenix Flight Jun 2015
Our love is like a bull in a china shop.
Where your words are the bull
And my heart is the china.

You tell me
"I love you"
"Youre worh waiting for"

the words "I love you"
Isnt enough anymore
Every letter every syllable
Sears into my heart
Cracking it like glass

I need you here with me
I need to feel your touch
To remember what its like
Before my shattering heart explodes

I think i finally understand that song
The one where she sing
"Killing me softly .. With his words"

I wont give up, I never will.
I'd rather die inside
Then let you go.
Im just terrified
Thats just whats going to happen.
May 2015 · 315
A Change Of Heart
Fenix Flight May 2015
Darkness rises,
as my will begins to fade.

Poison seeps in,
as my thoughts begin to cave.

Cruelty blooms,
as my words become like weapons

I am a force
to be reckoned with.

Sugar and spice
has become
Hellish and violence.

The girl I once was
is the girl I am
No Longer
May 2015 · 331
Holding On, But Letting Go
Fenix Flight May 2015
That moment when you are sitting in your brothers room
Sitting on his bed and crying your heart out
Because you miss him so freaking much
and you know you're about to lose him.

He's slipping through your fingers
and you don't know how to stop it.

When all you want to do is just hold on to him
just a little more tightly
not wanting to let him go

But you know you have to let him go
or risk losing him forever

But you just want to cling to him
To keep him close to you
But he's clawing at your fingers
slipping through them like water

How do you let him go
but still hold on to him?
This is a poem to my younger brother Jeremy who is moving out of the house because of issues in the house and it breaks my heart because I know that once he moves he wont be back to visit for a very long time. :'(
May 2015 · 328
Fighting With Time
Fenix Flight May 2015
Time, you're slipping away

Don't go, please stay.

I thought You would be true

Don't you know all the **** you've put me through?
May 2015 · 324
Fenix Flight May 2015
We all hide behind a mask,
the one we want everyone to see,
While the real us is fading,
decaying within the stone walls we create.

What happens when that's not enough?
The real us wants to spread its wings,
It's banging on those walls with a sledgehammer
Cracks are starting to show in that carefully constructed mask.

When that mask finally shatters
Will you be able to recognize yourself?
Apr 2015 · 262
Han Quote #2
Fenix Flight Apr 2015
Life's simple
you make choices
and you don't look back.
Han from the movie TOKYO DRIFT
Apr 2015 · 247
Han Quote #1
Fenix Flight Apr 2015
"You know
Who you choose
to be around you
lets you know
who you are"
Han from the movie TOKYO DRIFT
Apr 2015 · 303
Distractions At Work
Fenix Flight Apr 2015
That moment when a REALLY cute boy walks by you at work
and suddenly you are ingulfed in his Cologne.
GAH >.<
Hot guy at work... Really good Smelling Cologne.. GAH **** IT
Apr 2015 · 869
Philosophy on Money
Fenix Flight Apr 2015
Why does the world have to be so Money hungry?

Because it is

Well that's not a deep reason why.


OK how about this for a deep reason why
*clears throat

Because sadly the world has become power hungry and greedy
and only sees Dollar signs thus making everything run on money
(not Dunkin Donuts like it might think)
making it so we have to slave away at hell
( I mean work)
so that way we can still fit into this world
and live in it and keep up with the greed

......And that folks... Is my philosophy for the month.
Yeah I know its not a poem but I thought it was pretty intense.

This is what me and A co-worker talked about one day at work through our work email. This is the liget conversation hahaa I saved it
Apr 2015 · 426
The VIllians Dance
Fenix Flight Apr 2015
goes the jokers blade
His wild laughter ringing
His wicked grin gleaming

Red pools dripping
as Harley dancing in the puddles
Giggling with mad carelessness
Carefree reckless abandon

The joker such a gentlemen
dressed in his purple threads
takes Harely in his white gloved hands
And dance the villians Dance

Terror ringing through the streets
their evil echoing seeping through your dreams
Lock up your houses and bare the hatches
No one can stop them in their waltz of disorder
This just popped in my head. Jokey and Harley from The D/C Comics
Mar 2015 · 4.1k
MY Partner In Crime
Fenix Flight Mar 2015
my partner in crime
my bumble bee twin
my best friend

Best friends since second grade
that's.... what 15 years now? 16?
Sleepovers at eachothers homes
Pixie stick highs and slushy brain freezes
Trips to my grandmother's,
for a Harry Potter Marathon

Rocking out to Halestorm
Daughters of Darkness through and through
Foil art doodling and reading through the night
Did I mention the trip to Walmart?
ten at night just for a loaf of bread?

Screaming at eachother, throwing punches
Calling names so bad tears start to form
Saying we're through we're done mo more friendship
two minutes later laughing stupidly together

Our favorite place, Weedamo woods,
High Rock, queens of the world
I visit those memories in my dreams

I miss my soul sister my best friend for life
I miss being able to call you up and yell
"YO ***** come get me I need to talk."
You're still my bestie and you always will b
This separation don't forget is only temporary.

I'll move down there soon
and together we can rec havoc once more
until then please don't forget me
I know I haven't forgotten you.
(To my best friend who I have known since I was 7 years old. She is my soul sister)
Mar 2015 · 3.3k
The Freedom Of Religion
Fenix Flight Mar 2015
What ever happened
to the Idea of Freedom of Religion?
What ever happened to religious equality?
I want it back? I'm begging for it to come back.

I sometimes get strange looks
when I admit that I accept all religions EQUALLY
that I would let a Jehovah witness into my home
just so I could learn about their faith.
That I find Catholic sermons tearfully beautiful
That One of my pen pals is Mormon.

People find me strange, they find me fake.
"How can you love them all equally?"
"how can you accept them all?"
It's quite simple really. This is my answer.

What right do I have to Bash what others think?
What right do I have to say
"No your god doesn't exist"?
I wouldn't want people to do that to me and my faith
so Why should I go out and do it to theirs?
There's this thing call FREEDOM of RELIGION
and I stand firm and believe it whole heartily

We all have the right to believe in what we believe in
And no one i mean
has the right to take that away!
(I wrote this After watching the movie God is Dead. Now I am Wiccan, and when my co worker found out... she started treating me differently and got angry and shunned me.... and I simply asked her how she would feel if someone did that to her because of her religion?)
Mar 2015 · 593
The Last Word
Fenix Flight Mar 2015
Nothing I do is good enough
It feels like I am a punching bag for them
Yell at me, pick on me, critic me
tear me down go ahead
When I fight back to defend myself I get
"You just have to get the last word don't you?"

Well here I am getting the last word
I"M SORRY!!!!!!

I'm sorry I'm not good enough
I'm sorry I don't do what you like
I'm sorry I'm me and not who you want me to be
I'm sorry I don't fit into you're world perfectly

This is who I am I'm not going to change
Are you going to love me less?
I'm terrified you will....
I'm terrified you'll throw me away
toss me aside and give up on me

Please don't I'm begging you.
I promise I'll be better
I promise I will be a good girl
Just don't give up on me
Please stop yelling at me

You may not care, or think I'm being dramatic
But it hurts me when you do,
Your words and you're yelling
your nit picking and criticising
They tear me down and shred my self conscious

I've got enough stuff to worry about
I don't need you pileling on top of it
I love you Mama But you keep tearing me down,
I don't know what else to do or say

so Here is my last word
**I'M SORRY!!!
Mar 2015 · 511
Rusted Red Dreams
Fenix Flight Mar 2015
My Dreams go up in Flames
as the Ashes dance around in the breeze
Crimson runs down my face
as I cry out for all the things I'll never do.

Gone are the hopes Of Grander things to come
Scattering into the breeze mixing in with the Ash
to make a dull grizzly Paint that cakes onto my heart

Red with rust the ideas I use to Have
add it into the mix
My heart bleeds with what i have lost.

An Empty shell is what I have become
Mar 2015 · 472
Fenix Flight Mar 2015
Listen here you ****
Just because you're so "macho"
you're so "Tough"
doesn't mean I have to be.

Just because when you get hurt
you **** it up and don't get help
doesn't mean I'm a weakling
because I went to get help.

Stop with the snickering when I walk by
Stop shaking your head like you are disgraced
I'm not you so SHUT your freaking mouth.

Deal with your pain how you please
and I'll deal with mine
Treat me the way you want to be treated,
and stop treating me like I'm pathetic.

I went to get help I want to get better
If you want to suffer that's your own decision
Don't disrespect me for making my own
Oh and don't be shocked when You get a taste
of your own cruel medicine.
( I tore some ligament in my knee and I went to the ER and they gave me a brace for my knee until I can get an MRI to confirm I tore something. My co-worker is sitting here snickering saying how he looked like he was in a ten car pile up yesterday and you don't see him wearing a brace... I hurt my little knee and suddenly its DRAMA. -.- I am so mad right now I am shaking so hard and trying not to cry)
Mar 2015 · 347
The Fault In MY Stars
Fenix Flight Mar 2015
What is the point of this
hollow bleak existence?
Wandering around like a lifeless zombie
shuffling from one place to another.

Is there logic in our pain?
the blinding soul destroying pain
it demands to be felt doesn't it?
but why by us?

Is there a reason for our survival?
when we are all died no one will remember us?
We are like the dinosaurs wandering this earth
waiting for our meteor to strike us dead,
to crush us into oblivion.
((So I watched Fault in our stars at work the other day and I got all philosophical and this is what came of it. I know its kind of a depressing thought but that movie just left me depressed.)
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