"I'm not a beggar!"
My mother laughs this line
at a lady trying to rip us off
a pure silver choker.

"I'm not a beggar!"
My mother half-jokes,
Wrapping the silver choker in a thick plastic ziploc
after she cut the price down to zero profit

"I'm not a beggar."
My mother's crying now.
Salty tears on her cotton nightgown
as we think of the life we lived before.
A whole life away from the rotting wooden table
we laid a cloth upon
to sell our old wares.

The glitz and glamour
the gala dinners
the pageants
and diamond-encrusted models.

It all came down because of me.

I wanted to go to an international school
I wanted to live on an island
I wanted a castle
I wanted a dog
I wanted everything.

It's my fault.
It's all my fault.
All my fault.

I'm sorry.
I am so, so sorry.

I told him the labour fee was for him alone.
he did it at home?
Who told him to take it home?
I've finished all my materials
30 thousand NT is all I'm giving
MY SALARY IS 10K
It's fair.
it's for my husband
Exactly, they'll help you make the rest!
It's not my cash
WHAT IF YOU GAVE IT TO THE WRONG PERSON?
Everyone thinks differently.
I'm sorry.

It's a hot day.
in mid-december.
What the **** is this.

I expected cold
That's what I came to Taiwan for.
i guess the world had other plans.
******* hell.

What am i doing?

I'm watching the old ladies run about
with the old men
Strings of coral and jade
around their frail wrists
And pocketfuls of money
i will probably never see

There's another old lady
carrying boxes of food
selling lunch to the loud jewellery sellers.
she's seen better days,
But she looks happy.
at least i hope she is.

The chestnut girl isn't here today.
i hope she is, though.
she's cheery all the time.
i need a bit of cheer in my life.

My parents have left me alone.
how the hell do i run this booth
i hope nobody comes to ask me for anything
even if i should hope they do.
we haven't made anything in weeks.

The jade market is loud
and the smell of sandalwood incense and rotting nails lingers
like when i accidentally cook too much pork
with an inadequate amount of onions and salt
and the smell assaults my apartment.

I wish you were here.
you would love the chaos.

It's eerily quiet.
No breathing, no distant engines,
Not even the drone of the aircon.

Nothing.

Nothing but the slow strumming of my guitar.

Its quiet now.

Can't wait to see how much more it can get at 2am.

They just don't understand, do they?
They don't see it.
The grace in your profession.

How you slide up the pole like a snake,
And come down like a ballerina on pointe,
And finish with a flourish,
Legs apart, arms wide, and wings brandished.

I watched you dance for flustered men who begged at your feet,
I watched you tease,
I watched you play with their fantasies,
And rip them apart like paper.

It may have been for a split second,
A fraction of a split second,

But I salute you.

Why?

Because of all the memories I had in Thailand,
You're the one I remember most vividly.

You've accomplished, in a fraction of a fraction of a second,
Something I have been trying to accomplish
Year after year,
School after school,
Lover after lover.

To be remembered.

You accomplished, in a fraction of a fraction of a second,
What I couldn't accomplish in 18 years.

I salute you.
I salute you.
I salute you.

Four hours
Before I have to leave.
I remember your lips,
Planting kiss after parting kiss
On mine.

Two hours
Before I have to leave.
I remember your hands
Holding mine, but slowly letting go
As I pass through the boarding gate.

Thirty minutes
Before I have to leave.
I remember every single moment,
Every laugh, every "I love you",
Turning into a fading, yet fresh
Wisp of memory.

Thirty seconds
Before I have to leave.
I remember you  

Don't worry, my love.
I'll let you know when I'm on the other side.
I love you.

I can't sleep

And maybe it's the movie I watched a while ago

Maybe it's the back pain

Maybe it's the cold

But mostly I think it's just me

Missing you