I'm terrified
Standing on the edge
Unsure if the fall
Will yield pleasure or pain.

My feet inch forward
Even as I lean backward
My mind, my heart are torn
One fears, the other desires.

Will I take flight
Wings of freedom
Glorious, fiercely beautiful
Holding me aloft
Giving me new strength
Soaring to unknown heights?

Will I fall instead
The terrible moment
Before the impact
Where one anticipates
The soon reality
Shattered bones
Crushed hope
Bottomless depths?

Am I willing to jump
Even for you?
Is the risk worth it?
Are you worth it?

I feel the fragile earth
Beneath my feet
The empty air calls to it
My choice may be made
Decided by fate
Sealed without my consent
As the earth gives
Into the void
I fall to you
In love
The chasm is filled.

How is it, that I'm so perplexed?
You utterly confuse me
Your words, your actions, your motives...
They leave me dumbfounded.

It's always a game of guess and check
Except, I'm never right
How is that?

Do your words have a double meaning I fail to catch?
Perhaps there is no double meaning,
I'm pondering apparitions.

I'm slowly going mad,
Trying to figure out your game,
A hamster on a wheel,
Spinning and spinning in circles, dizzied.

You are my greatest challenge,
My 1,000,000 piece puzzle,
My epiphany forever out of reach,
My unsolvable riddle,
My terrible sphinx,
You will never reveal the solution, will you?

The madness, the darkness has come seeping in,
once again I am burdened with my sin,
The thoughts, they swirl in a crazed tempo,
beating against my skull with the desperate fury of a dying heart.

I am drowning under a tide of pensive dispair,
Struggling to even gasp for air,
Oh! I lament my own awareness,
my jealousy is reserved for the blind.

Surely, I must be mad!
How could I not be with such anguish I am clad,
One true question remains.
Will I fade, implode, or explode with such force as to devastate my own?

Run! My darkness is no longer a flame lazing,
but an inferno blazing,
We all have our afflictions, mine is thought.