oh see,
i will take this outlet
[this two pronged outlet
one of you and one of me]
to reply because
i picked up the phone today
and called someone else
thinking
"oh hell i'll warm up a bit
before i dive into this-
i mean, i want to get
my personality right
don't i?
I MEAN DON'T I?!?!?!?
WHO THE HELL AM I ANYMORE?!?!?!?!"
panic set in.
i called my dad.
he's always calming.
we talked about christmas ****.
what he wants. what mom wants.
it calmed me down.
i figured out who i am:
i'm just a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude,
not breaking character til we're done the DVD commentary.
[paraphrased of course cuz I don't plagiarize.]

i'll call you
but how late will you be awake?
i'll call you
but what are you doing right now?
i'll call you
but why am i nervous?
i'll call you
but aren't we all one Being?
i'll call you
but but but but but but burt but but but but but but but but but
don't you have home work
or something better to do
than listen to me preach
and flap flap flap flap
and not hug me again
and not listen to me
or are you listening to me
or am i neurotic
or is it all smoke and mirrors
and seriously i'm coughing uncontrollably
and you'd think i'm crazy
but it's that holiday season
and for the next handful of weeks
i've got a handful of excuses
of why and how and what and how
but burdens only stack up
and i've released literally every single one
except i'm still replaying josh ritter in my head
and the car ride home from that purple chair
and the walk around the duck.

[not stopping for breathing
or trimming my toe nails,
which started growing again.]

and LA and Delaware and pencilwania and where we met on that pier at that show in socal and house of blues and mini golf and lists and names and places and "there's no hell when you die, so don't look so worried."

and i'll call you
but will you answer?

Never despise any old book.
Never say they are outdated.
It is your restricted outlook.
They are like parents aged.

Never judge it by its covering.
Changes immense it can bring.
Treasures may be hidden inside.
You may find a friend or a guide.

Remove dust, open the pages.
Gems lying inside since ages.
Read once, twice or several times.
Learn something new every-time.

Never despise any old book.
Never say they are outdated.
It is your restricted outlook.
They are like parents aged.

and despite all the people who say i am enough
i can't help but feel like i'm not
because that B on my report card
looks like an F
and this poem is just useless words
typed up on a computer
and ****
i should not be this jealous of my best and only friends
but their talents constantly outshine mine
and im left to feel like a rock in a sea of diamonds
-lxs

i never ran out of words.
i'd see the night sky and i could describe it in a hundred ways --
i could say it was the ocean reflecting the twinkling lights above;
or maybe a moonlit path now visible through the waves.

i'd feel the wind brushing my cheek
and write about how it tousled my hair into messy tendrils--
how it plays with the leaves one moment
and the next leaves them astray under warmly-lit streetlamps.

oh i could write for endless hours
about disasters, impossibilities, probabilities
and i never ran out of words.

there are twenty-six letters in the alphabet and they never failed me.

but then i saw you.

Star so high, star so bright
Guide me by your light
Star so proud, of the night
Show me what is right
Star so gold, star so white
Direct now my inner sight
Star so sweet, of my plight
'Tween dusk and dawn, eternal fight
Star so wise, star of might
Help me know what to write
Star so aged, in your height
Reduce the sting of life's harsh bite
Star so far, be my kite
'Til sleep again doth unite

My brain went out fishing
No king to run the keep
If my words you're wishing
Leave a message after the beep

The lines of life,
and dreams are blurred,
when desire rules,
and freedom speaks,
riddles if the day,
water of the wishfull well,
that spills into the now,
yesterday's regrets will stray,
and drift through passions sleeps,
bells ring mellifluous tombs,
that teach us where we go,
what happens when tomorow comes
none of us can know.