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Ellyn k Thaiden Apr 2014
There are three of us in the room

You
Me
And Silence

Sometimes Silence is kind
Gracing us with hands wrapped tight
Breathing deep, scents of each other strong
Legs tangled, arms bent, not knowing
Where one ends and the other starts

Sometimes Silence is excited
Static between us building
Twitchy and impatient
Eyes large and watching the trees roll by
As we drive down the black road

Sometimes Silence is content
And sits with us while you write words
Stroking the keys, like it is a fine instrument
And I lay reading, sipping tea across the room on the floor
The world is quite and so are we

Sometimes Silence is angry
Though we haven't experienced this yet, we will
And tension will hang like the humid summer time atmosphere
While we sit, confused and bubbling, trying to think
Of ways to say sorry without fumbling with words

Because words get in the way
And Silence is malleable, fluid
Silence is water
It can slip through our hands
Or can be contained

No matter what you do
Silence will be there

Thank you for making the Silence bearable
For making it less frigid
Less lonely or painful

Thank you for filling the Silence with so much life
Ellyn k Thaiden Apr 2014
At night your copper dreams fade into bright moon lit tears and I can see my reflection in the midnight glow. Your soul reflects out and it is impossible for me not to shed my own tears. I promised to kiss every drop that leaves your eyes and I will keep to it, even when your consciousness lies somewhere else, in a different realm. I hope you will let me join.
No idea. Just kinda wrote and this happened. Awkward.
Ellyn k Thaiden Apr 2014
I want to be so close to
You that I break that microscopic
Space of air and
Separate the atoms between us
Causing a nuclear explosion
That fades into colors of
Scarlet and sand
That burn into our brains and
Stick with us through the rest of our lives
Ellyn k Thaiden Apr 2014
Her lips, tight and curved,
Ready to string up an arrow
And launch it to the sky
To explode into a fine dust
Where a myriad of stars congregate
Just to kiss your freckled cheeks
Ellyn k Thaiden Apr 2014
Wrapped tightly into yourself
Head heavy and heart imploding
Trying to **** you in and make you
Believe you are the **** up they whisper about

Not sure where to place your hands
Holding your stomach or head?
Which one? Because both are aching
For comfort and attention

But both refused to be touched
By none other than yourself
Small breaths of air aren't efficient enough
Spots form in your peripheral vision

Memories play through your head
The good ones come like bolts of lightning, thin and rare
The bad in pounding rains
The worst memories slip in like poison

The thought of suicide might cross your mind
I know it does in mine
Maybe you've even attempted
Once, twice, five, eleven times

The number climbs just like the clock ticks

Ticking away, eating at precious minutes
Forcing you through another day
Filled with thoughts of razors and pills
High ledges and bullets lined up in chambers

Awaiting the day you decide to pull the trigger

But the mood ebbs away as the sun rises
Though the thoughts of suicide never leave you
They calm themselves, the storm passes
And you're left alone again

Aren't you tired of being alone?
Because I know I am
I am sick of the perpetual depression that settles
In the back of my brain

I am disgusted by how often the
Razor caresses my soft skin
And the lack of sleep and
What I day dream

Because it's often fantasies of being
Stuck six feet under
While no one stands around my grave
Because no one cares

I'm sick
I'm tired
I'm lonely
And I am more than done
Ellyn k Thaiden Apr 2014
Bigender
Pansexual
Asexual
Gay
Lesbian
Cisgender
Transgender
Agen­der

And many more
Labels racing through
My head
I can't even think straight
Or let alone be straight

I once thought pansexual
But I don't prefer physical interaction
Maybe bisexual?
But I like anyone and
Everyone

Asexual?
I've gotten off
I just don't prefer to
Shutting myself off
Is something I can do

Female and male stereo types
But I fit neither one
Sometimes I'm more of a man
Than my brothers could ever be
And sometimes I am more girly

All these labels
And I'm so confused
Does anyone really know?
Maybe I don't fit
Any labels

Maybe I'm just
Me
Ellyn k Thaiden Mar 2014
Love isn't on a white horse
With a Knight in shinning armor
Gallivanting through daisies
And beating the odds against
Countless demons and foes

Love is her curled up next to me
Fueled with an anger over
Something I said two weeks ago
But she still decides to turn around
And tuck herself under my wing and forgive

Love isn't meeting someone
At a party and after a few
Drinks and chasers deciding
Heading back to my house
Is a brilliant idea

Love is feeding me peanut butter
And trapping me inside for the night
Just to play piano for me
Closing the windows and locking the doors
Blocking out the world for a while

Love isn't money coming from
An over fed wallet
Handing me cash whenever I please
Paying our way into each others hearts
Bribing love and lust

Love is tangled hair and
Mustard stained sweat pants
With a baggy shirt and no bra
Kissing me like I mean the world
Because to someone for once I do

Love isn't fighting every night
Tooth and claw
Using every past mistake as a bullet
To fill the chambers of
A gun forged on hatred

Love is rubbing my back when
My anxiety swallows me
And she lets me cry in her car
Because it's a safe place
For her and I

And I know Love for a fact
Is perfect in every imperfect way
And love will tolerate all my panics
All my stress and all of my
Self hatred

Because Love is laying right next to me
And I know I love Love because I think
The sun shines out of her ***
Even when Love is mad at me

I love Love
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