Nothing there--
but an idea
in my stained mind.

I loved you strong, with all the recklessness I possessed,
Yearned to share with you all I had to confess.
Believed it would be palliated in your pristine hands,
Watched it slip through your fingers like worthless sands.
Enamoured and imprudent, I jumped right in,
Unaware your depths were too shallow to swim.
Naïveté; my judgement had faltered,
All of my worth lay bare, and you resigned, unaltered.
Gave everything I knew with nothing left in reserve
Long forgotten it was me I should serve.

It was a hope laced channel for all the healing I desired
but you were inept at radiating the compassion required.
No understanding for this fragile task in proposition,
A rare gift to be cherished that you gave no recognition.
And there was too much exposed for you to forsake,
Too much that wasn’t earned; my calamitous mistake.
For these blood stained bones you lacked the tools to unearth,
You were never the answer to my rebirth.
Gravely inexperienced for this feat,
Your heart was too sheltered
and your mind too weak.

I gave you completely this intimate token,
But you failed to see how I was broken.

I've never questioned
          "is this love?"
I knew from the very moment
you laid your eyes upon me.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating,
but just a little bit.

It was love at almost first sight
          (second? third?)
Love at first touch,
first time holding hands,
first kiss on your couch...
Love before I dared to say "I love you"
because I had to be sure,
and I was.

I'll admit, I've had my doubts
but, I swear, never about you
only whether this was too good to be true
and it's not;
it's just perfect enough
for us.

I could not believe my luck
To finally find a friend.
We could have taken on the world together,
I never wanted it to end.

Something had to come along and change it.
I know where we went wrong.
We both wanted to be in the same band,
But we both wrote differents songs.

We broke apart like clashing comets
Falling from out of the sky.
I guess inside I always knew
That I could never be your guy.

It wasn't that I lacked self-confidence.
It was not even that I felt shame.
We understood what the other meant.
But, the thing we wanted was the same.

I would have bet my heart on you.
But I could never live a lie.
For a while there, life was a party,
How the time flew by!

You drifted back into my world,
I was drifting far from mind.
About the time I was fragmenting,
Saturn was about to unwind.

Like a stone, I catapulted into the world.
I ricocheted liked a silver ball.
I was making up for lost time.
I would rise, then I would fall.

The colors melded hotly
As I did crash and burn.
The cynicism came with ease,
With every lesson I did learn.

I settled into my routine.
I cooled as I slowed down.
I looked you up to say hello,
And I miss having you around.

I cannot believe my luck.
That you still are my friend.
Sing your songs and tell me stories,
Like you did way back when.

You never were a hater,
But you tried to be a player.
You tried to come off cool,
But there's a devil in your lair.
You tried to be a good one,
But they talk behind your back.
They're plotting, they're wotnotting,
And they're planning their attack.
They severed your reality -
They twisted every turn.
They're burning and they're churning,
They don't render what you yearn.
Then panic triggers fever,
And you feel the fever burn.
If they keep on pushing,
Those suckers gonna learn.
Then the witness understands.
There is reason for concern.
There is a new commander -
And oh!   The worm has turned.

What could you do?
You never knew.
How could have you?
No-one told you.
Misery is glue,
Sticks to you.

You never were a villain
Till they clotted up your chill.
You never needed anyone
To tell you what you feel.
They only know to validate
Themselves - they never love.
If it suits their motives,
They will bite, and kick and shove.
There never was a heartache
That you could not overcome.
You have to have a heart that's hard.
So go out and get you one.
Trample loosers under foot,
Or they'll be too burdensome.
Keep your left hand from your right,
And keep your lovers under thumb.
Finally, you start to see
That life is just a loaded gun.
You can never stop to rest,
You're always on the run.

What could you do?
You never knew.
How could have you?
No-one told you.
Misery is glue,
Sticks to you.

You master all that you survey, Everybody knows your name.
Cream rises to the top -
You are the winner of the game.
If you gave them half the chance,  
They  would cut you down.
You forever have to watch your back,
Never let them gather 'round.
You didn't try to rule the world,
You only wanted to survive.
If they had their way,  
You would no longer be alive.
Your meter's getting weaker,
But you strive to make it through.
You've trudged thicker purposes,
You always make it through.
They will give it all they've got
When they finally come for you.
You have never had a moment's peace,
'Cause misery is glue.

What could you do?
You never knew.
How could have you?
No-one told you.
Misery is glue,
Sticks to you.

In private,
thoughts creep up
and tell me I am
    inadequate
    unequal
    undeserving
they tell me I am
    worthless
    useless
    fake
and I grin,
I bare it
because I
    think
    hope
    wish
they are wrong
but they're so persistent,
so very convincing,
    maybe they're right
if I can't even be alone
with the thoughts in my own head,
how do I convince myself
otherwise?