My mother on Christmas
Bitter over wine and a stronghold
That pulls her over the edge
Screaming in a restaurant
In an intimate setting
The full course meal
On the table
And the core issue
Placed at the center
Sitting across from me
Sitting within me
A collapsed mother
An unmothered mother
Complex
Demanding to be felt
Demanding to heal
The illusion is real
Forcing her to hug me
She kept shoving me off
Like my father was beating her
A memory she spends lots of time with
I locked in
And she somehow sent me
To the ground
I picked myself up
And closed my body
Around her again
Until the fight out of her eyes
Blew out and she cried
And I looked through her
And said,
"You are an amazing human being
Thank you for everything
I desire your growth"
Unconditional love
That's what it takes
And she broke

Do I go back on my word?
Thoughts felt through conviction
Got me twisted
And spun out
On an intersection
Where a fork
In the road forms

Was my decision
Based on reality?

I could go
Back with
A different mind set
Or see if this place
Will lead me to
Destruction
Or redemption

I call upon
Justice

Indifferent as nature

Lips like origami,
eyes like ice.
Hands like soap,
heart like darkness.
It’s dark versus light,
temptation versus innocence.  
I shouldn’t—I know—
but I can’t shake you off.
It’s fights at a wedding,
death on a birthday;
swearing in church,
hurting someone you love;
a book without an end,
your favourite song sung out of tune;
leaving without goodbyes,
spilling someone’s dark secrets;
sleepless nights,
a child without a home;
drinking until you puke,
lying to someone you love;
it’s wrong in every sense
of the word.
But once again,
it’s hands against
heart,
and we all know who will win.
We’re the epitome of dangerous,
crossing on territory that should not be touched.
But I can’t stop.

Wisdom is not knowledge.
It took me a vial of mescaline
And the Holy Bible
To figure this out.
All this contemplation
Over matters of the heart,
That information or judgement
Could never fathom.
Wisdom passed down,
Acquired through
Inheritance.
Knowledge learned
And memorized
Through practice.

Fantasies and dreams
Always seemed like
The synonym for
The same thing.
Fantasies are sleepy dreams
Allowing us to imagine
Our wildest possibilities.
Fantasy parked out front
In a street car named Desire.
Dreams draped in a scarlet robe
Of lust and positivity,
Always come into fruition.
Dreams draped in onyx
And negativity
Turn into the reversed
Prophetic vision of what
We want to be.
Fantasy dismissed
As impossibility
But allowed in the
Bedroom *******.
Dreams realized and
Dreams that die,
They are considered
The guiding reality.

Expending so much energy
On knowledge and dreams,
But now I am
Consciously connected
To the vibration of
Wisdom and Fantasy.

Releasing resistance to
Those concepts
That I've never seen.

Is the only way through
situations the passage inside?
Detach my spirit and hover
from above at
the height of light
Where should I transfer
my trash?
the recycling box
doesn't seem half bad
but it requires sorting
what goes where
and eventually
it will transmogrify
and come back in the form
of a coffee cup sipping'
on my new lovers eyes
that I will of course,
repeat the pattern
of romantic disaster
and time bombs
of imminent arrival
holding out...
how long could one stifle
a much needed expression
that was sublimated
under the pretext
of ultimatum
do or die
love me or not
understand or dissipate
commit or let go
for as long as the rest
of remembrance

To stand in balance and connection
With the Earth
To stand on one's one
Without depending on anything
Not leaning on a wall for a breakthrough

To breathe on one's own
To breathe fully
Lungs
Blossoming and shriveling
Without the intake of
Toxic fumes
Or liquid rage
Not leaning on a vessel for a
Breakthrough
Attached to now
Love without borders
To be here and smile
Love outside conditions
Or held in the claws
Of expectations
to be here without an excuse
Or a divided idea to fall into

Even if this life
Just spins lives upside down
Simply because it can
Even if after everything
The world has evolved
To explodes in the Sun
Even if life doesn't have
A greater meaning than this
Moment
Even if our legacies
And our pain
Never mattered
Even if we die
And meet death
With blackness
And indifferent regeneration
One day our story will be
Forgotten
And we will never truly know
All the small details
That brought our atoms together

All of our ancestors within us
Encouraging us to stand
And breathe on our own
The animal kingdom
IS
And does not ask questions
All we have to do is look up
To know where it all began
The moon has all the answers
The stars we are made of
Will us to shine
Without illusory fuel
We are stronger than mental reasons
Subject to change at the blink
Of perception
We do not have to give
Our power away
We do not need motivation
To create
We are and it is a miracle
Enjoy the phenomena
That is the all
Expanding evermore
Towards infinity
This is where Existentialism  
Meets Spirituality