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 Sep 2014 eccentricities
Lucid
Your ugly was disguised as beauty
You are the worst kind of deceit
I thought you could see through my disguise
See through the charade of everyday
I thought you were different
From the others
The ones who tell me to
Get up
Get moving
Or get out of the way.
While everyone else was herding past,
You offered me your hand
You were the first to tell me
I was worth it.
But that was your game,
Your play.
I wasn't special, not to you.
You led me along
And I enjoyed the ride,
Not realizing that it made me
Just like the
Rest of them.
 Aug 2014 eccentricities
AndIFell
The clock ticks
twice
And I know
ah, I've waited too long again

The clock ticks
thrice
The air feels cold
And all I can hear
is a tearing, breaking sound
Of a heart that hoped
We live in a world where hearts are meant to be broken and
faith is too hard to give.
8/11/14
 Aug 2014 eccentricities
ryn
Tell me why it seems like the walls are closing in
Tell me why my hopes they're stretched far and thin
Tell me why my dreams still struggle in this fight
Tell me why every time I draw air but it feels so tight.

Tell me why in this turmoil my heart does wallow
Tell me why lifes' lessons by the heapfuls I choke to swallow
Tell me why I'm somewhat free but then again I am not
Tell me why I really do have but I haven't really got.

Tell me why I try to sleep many a restless night
Tell me why I am so afraid of many a fearful fright
Tell me why I still feel the way I have felt before
Tell me why I ask many questions which leaves me broken and sore.

Tell me why so much emotions run amok within me
Tell me why I look yet I do not really see
Tell me why despondence is back; it's here to haunt
Tell me why such uncertainties always beckons to taunt.

Tell me why I want more but I am quite contented
Tell me why I have to accept the path I've very much resented
Tell me why I already know but I still keep on asking
Tell me why it seems like the reasons are in every way lacking.

Tell me why I feel so happy but in fact I am so sad
Tell me why it all seems unfair but I have to be glad
Tell me why I found love in the most unfortunate circumstance
Tell me why to a mournful tune I am stuck in dance.

Tell me why my heart feels engorged but I can't release it all
Tell me why I am so scared but I would still want to fall
Tell me why I feel you close when you're farther than far
Tell me why it seems incredulous that we share the same star.

Tell me why I long to give you more when I can't this instant
Tell me why I can feel better but I seem so resistant
Tell me why sometimes I look up and curse at my luck
Tell me why I refuse to focus on courage that I really should pluck.

Tell me why I lay in bed dreaming of a place far away
Tell me why I find myself moping more and more each day
Tell me why I chose to be naive and in fate I do give trust
Tell me why time and time again it just gets ground to dust.

Tell me why I feel so beaten and weak when I should be strong
Tell me why I am so familiar in a place I don't belong
Tell me why I have to live with a mask on my face
Tell me why I feel like a marionette strung up by lace.

Tell me why I dug deep when these words make me cry
Tell me why the tears still trickle when my eyes are dry
Tell me why I share this when I know you would feel bad
Tell me why I would even spout the words that make you sad.

Tell me why these painful wounds I didn't choose to lick
Tell me why I didn't let them heal but instead I would pick
Tell me why I feel as though I am quite addicted
Tell me why it seems like I enjoy the dark I've inflicted.

Tell me why sometimes I question, the things you see in me
Tell me why you've said it many times but I don't really see
Tell me why I haven't drifted far when I should've a while ago
The reason is you; because you have chosen to love me.
fame isn't everything
the luminosity of your mind
never touches the feelings
of others
your card report shows
A plus in all eight subjects
you are great and i adore you
but intelligence is non sense
if your attitude
is a waste
your great mind
that attracts others
just like how negative electrons
attract the positive one
the capital of every country
is pasted in your mind
smart and indelible
but you must know
that how much smart you are
you are insensitive.
how dare you to enjoy
ranking people
and degrading their skills
you are no perfect nor God
i hope you know that
you can't just judge people
by how their mind works
by how they talk and
how their opinions spread into the room
God never judges anyone and
who are you to judge someone
I believe that that
explains your character
and it looks like
you are more degrading yourself

*b.a
i like you
i like you more
i need you
everyday
i love you
forever
promise?
i promise

*b.a
conversation with love
“Nikki was, not Nikki is, Nikki loved, not Nikki loves”
came with protests, cries and noise
but how much grammar can you expect
from little girls and boys?
Who gets to illuminate
to kids of two and five and four
that death requires past participles
and sister is no more?

Well that was the longest August ever has been,
like too many hours made up each day.
The songbirds quit their singing
and the kids forgot to play.
Sluggish minutes oozed on by
in the heat like sticky tar
while her heart and hands and mind
passed to were from are.

But we’ll still wind that watch just to let it stop
at five o’clock in the afternoon,
because that tender, spiteful hour
will always come too soon.
Time will stop each time it does,
just like it did that day
when she wore her mother’s watch
and time took her away.

When did she move from is to was?
Was it that August day
when all we could do was pray and hope
and cry and hope and pray?
Since when did cold verbs bind a life,
active and passive combined,
and when did she trade present for past
and leave alive behind?

Justin understood it best,
I say in his defense;
he was the one who had it right
when he spoke in the wrong tense—
She didn’t go from is to was,
She went from did to does.
What Nikki was is sick.
What Nikki is is better.
   Remembered.
  
   Eternal.
she had broken parts
in important places.
hollow eyes
in meaningful gazes.

(a.d)
I was beautiful once.

No lines creased my face,
No grey streaked my hair;
My eyes were bright,
My voice was loud.

I used to dance;
To sing
And command every ear to listen.

Yes, I was beautiful,
But every fire has to burn away.
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