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AndIFell Apr 2020
I'd say you bring color to my life
That my life was gray before you came along
But, that would be a lie
Life was always colorful

You make me want to color it some more.

I want to color you silly
Would you do me the honor
of coloring me too?
AndIFell Apr 2020
Once, there was a person who did me wrong. At the time, I didn't know why I was so sad. But, I cried everyday. I couldn't sleep at night and only fell asleep from exhaustion as dawn broke. I wanted to hate this person. Maybe I should have. Maybe, I did.

I know I shouldn't have because she was only doing her job and I was the one in the wrong and I didn't work hard enough and I didn't have enough sleepless nights to prepare for what I should have prepared for. I didn't give myself enough to the work. I didn't give ENOUGH of MYSELF. I didn't know my priorities and I didn't realize that my actions at the time would cost me so much down the line. Or, so I thought.  I don't know.

Today I thought I didn't care.  And, I hadn't for such a long time. I've met the person I was before it happened and I was confident that I was fine. I became her again. It's been years since I...

Yet, I heard news about others who were given merit for their accomplishments. Something I should've been awarded should I have not had that one slip up. Or was it my slip up?

And I thought I was fine, after all this time. The point is.. I''m done deciding whose fault it was and really, I don't feel sad. But, I don't feel fine. I'm far from fine. I'm not mad. I'm hurt.

I feel as if the wound that I thought was a scar was still a scab and someone ripped it off to reveal that the wound never healed. I just ignored it and forgot about it. I lived as if the scab wasn't there.

I used to believe time heals all wounds and maybe it does for some people.

I see now that the magic hasn't worked for me at all.
And I don't know what to do.
AndIFell Nov 2017
I say I hate cliches, but I can't break free from them
I end up being the teen who hates her parents
I want to cry for help but who would help?
The adults?
Like that's new?
I don't even want help anymore.

I feel trapped
But the only one here to trap me is myself
I say a few words don't hurt
They don't.
I feel numb.

I feel nothing.

What difference then is there in life and death?
They don't understand
How inviting the knife is.
Or how exhilarating heights are.
How I want to jump from the tallest building
To taste true freedom.

But freedom
Is not what I want...

It want happiness.
AndIFell May 2017
I fear change and of being forgotten, but I’ve come to realize that the essence of transcending my own life is not merely limited to that of memory, trinkets and remembrances. Similar to a mother tree, my roots will go deeper and the seeds that I have created will continue to plant seeds of their own. Essentially, as I go further into the past and the future, I am connected to almost everything through my ancestors and through my children’s children. My children will remember how I was good to them and hopefully pass it on to their own children. The people carrying me within them may change and may forget who I am and the things I’ve done. However, the values I will have instilled within my kin will become my essence and I feel that that is enough to validate my existence and my worth. It is enough for me to commit myself to make at least this possible.
not even a poem.
  May 2017 AndIFell
Joseph Timothy
To the world unknown,
Be beautiful,
With great expanses of green,
Filled with flowers unseen,
Unicorns and the unreal animals.
Be gentle and kind,
Have no harsh weather or natural disasters,
Not too much sunlight,
I don't want sunburns,
Not too much snow,
I don't want to catch a cold,
Not too much rain,
I don't want flood.
Just adequate,
The way I like it.

To the world unknown,
Be filled with beautiful souls and beautiful people,
With no violence or war,
Where people die of old age,
Not of sickness or diseases,
Not of poison or venom.

To the world unknown,
I know you're not real,
But sometimes I wish you'd exist once in a while,
Because sometimes I need a break.
Sometimes, because other times Earth seems a lot more awesome,
Beautiful also,
And I haven't seen the half of it,
It may not be perfect as in the beginning,
But to an imperfect being such as myself,
You would only interest me for a while,
In the long run you'd be boring.

To the world unknown,
You cannot exist,
Because I don't have the power to make you exist.
I don't have the power to make you exist because
The I am that I am has made it so,
Because the world He has created,
The one I live in,
The one that actually exists,
Is more beautiful than you.
I'd count this as one of my favorites plus it's a happy one. Who says I can't write a happy one
AndIFell Nov 2016
And so I
Pleased everybody
But myself
Might make a longer version, but for now I must rest
  Oct 2016 AndIFell
Kara Jean
I seem to make a mess even when trying to be my best

I wear that sweater covered in feelings

The thing we're programmed to receive

Respect is never given to the hurt

pretty disgusting

Never, a word death is kissing

Karma will eat your soul

I guess that's the goal,

when you have nothing

I wish to walk away from the plenty

Only to be something

For a nobody

who loves me
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