Wake up in the morning
to a tequila sunrise
to quell the jackhammer in my brain
straining the hell out of my eyes
Getting ready for class
I don't care if I pass
Favorite professor today
I just enjoy her...assets.
Crave to take that teacher
for private lessons in the bleachers
a short skirt to her waist
the way she crosses her legs
She's never gonna make me beg
but holding back is such a waste.
Her lecture of the lips
jealous of the chalk
at her fingertips.
Its difficult to focus on the lesson
when I'm focused on her *******;
If she asks me a question
I just might start confessing.
The way those glasses frame that smile,
I don't think I can stand for a while.
And when we take that test
please don't walk past my desk
or those pheromones might drive me wild.
She knows how to wear those heels
deluding me on how I feel.
I need to go home and have another drink
and spend some time alone
to have another think
cause' now I see her every time blink.
I know, I know, I know
she doesn't feel same way
but she's been searching long and hard
for another Teacher's Aide.

I could live forever
if you'd say you'd always love me
but I'm striking out on rations
of your momentary passions.

Would you dare to believe
hearts weren't so naive?
The sun gets too bright
to bathe in its light.
Remark on these days
gone by in this way.
This was our art
letting nothing tear us apart.

Would you dare to care?
"I don't know what love is,
I've never been there."

Honest means nothing.
Trust that everyone
will manipulate my feelings
Therefore I am undone.
How did you spend your time?
Four hands, two weren't mine.
Please cherubs, now I'm heartless,
but away Death, I'm not blind.

As I slide between the sheets
my mind becomes attuned
to the sounds of floorboards
and shutters creaking
The stillness speaks
humming a dark lullaby
of the tune imitating
grinding teeth
Shapes grow in the clothes
Like a chorus of evil eyes
waiting for me to sleep
The fear feeds the ghosts
whom suffered the terror
Ive felt before
My anxiety lifts a moment
when the familiar click of stilettos
saunters past my door
but gravity drops out
in the pit of my soul
the wearer is in the mist
leading leaded steps behind them
and I pray to god
that if hold my breath
long enough
it will quickly put me under
before I make sense
of the cries to come.

Lesser beings
sliding through slipstreams
A bipedal virus
spreading through the veins

The testament to what I relate
An irrational deformity
in time and space
Arc words cancer with disappointment,
"Do you really wish it was this way?"
A human pentagram
paints the stage
A creeping foreboding afflicting rigor mortis
like something slinking through the darkness
Unknowable, bubbling below the surface.
Pieces of thread unravels from the hand
sinking deeper into hydra waters
until you dissipate in the downpour
and forgo resistance
because you seethe at the stars
yet the beyond cares not
for your existence.

The carts' been put
before the horse again
and now the goods
spill to the floor

Your market shares
have been inflated
and you feel more worthless
than you did before

The black wagon
liquidated the assets
to begin fresh
so you can start over once more

This isn't the bottom
it's an inevitably to the top
apply the failure to the fulcrum
and break through the door.

The way you clench your fists
I know you've chosen fight over flight
showing enmity to the world
for what you how its wronged you.
How you've fallen so low
into the tiger's maw
A bet to lose it all
lashing out at the will
that binds in blood.
Though its hard to relate
when fear fuels itself unto hate
spending your time burning in space
roaming through the night
setting the flames
destroying the web of lies
belonging to...whom?
Be there, frustrated
puzzled at how defective you've become
a future obscured by tar
buried needlessly in needles.
The hunger is not unique
like a black cat struts
evil, prowling through empty streets.

If there's nothing
more true than fire,
then why do I feel
the ice consuming *me?

This once started as a poem
on how I'd get you back.
But the longer I polarized from you
the more my heart turned black.
I thought I could force the pieces to fit
like they were sanguine bonds
when i bled out, I realized
its little more than sweat and spit.
And I ground my limbs down to nubs
trying to fight it
Gradually it came to me that all my effort
was unrequited.
How could i not know i was so alone
when we were together?
Our moods had flown descended
no longer in tandem with the weather.
Your hands felt so good
interlocked with mine
does your new man know
I was someone on the side
or is he in for the same ride?
I might be a thick scab now
slowly, I'll get better.
You'll keep pushing light goes out
but you cant get any deader.
She knows who she is;
no one in an female shell.
She's someone Else's passenger
keeping company as they burn in hell.

Danger
This woman approaching me
There's evil in her eyes

I know
Her tractor beam of seduction
Caught me by surprise

Caution
Ignore the undertow of lust
To see through her disguise

Falter
And give into her demands
So she can eat me alive

A quick turn to the ether
Will give me the courage to beat her
As a man amongst the swine.

But a ***** pays no heed to daggers
And if I sway or stagger
"Then baby you are mine."

"I wont do you harm
If you submit to my charm"

I wish
             a girl would save me
                                                    from my complacency

Here I am,
slouched in my arm chair
puffing a cigar
as the flames dance
in the fireplace.
Therein you appear
slowly crawling your way
over to me.
Your hand gently
places itself upon my knee,
the other gripping my shirt,
pulling yourself closer to my face,
bringing those firm commanding eyes,
in sync .
With a quivering breath,
we kiss, yet, only briefly
before I pick you up
and toss you back into the embers
where I am soon to follow.

Why am I always like this?
Why can't I just relax and just be?
Here's a secret, a emotion deep and unseen,
I've been fighting the notion to die since I was fourteen
I've been trying to rationalize my own being
I know that giving up won't accomplish anything
But being alone is such a corrosive thing
Tying to suppress the song that the siren sings
I've been carrying this weight so long and struggling
And can't get anyone shift some of the burden from me
How do I cry for help if I'm dizzy from spinning
How long has been since I've been winning
Being stranded at sea barely swimming
So many verses and chapters I've started from the beginning
And it usually works for the first time
Then the thousand cuts come and I'm
Bathing in sea salt and lime
Emotions pivot on a dime
And nobody sees because they have no time.  
So why am I like this? Because no one has shown me otherwise
What it's like to be a part of something instead of being stuck inside my on head going for rides
With my demon in confessional to whom
In pen in paper I confide.
And while it seems for a while I take it in stride
Every single person underestimates the torture I feel inside.

The furnace
Nourishes the engine
Enough motivation
To break wind resistance
The baggage has no space
For all the places you've been
While trudging for the pulsing lights
Radiating from the distance
Trying to escape from
The persistent feeling
That all along
You were wrong
A pain so bothersome
It leaves you reeling
To bad vibrations alone
And the weight your bones.
So ascend now
Before you find
What fuels the fire.

You might/should/would think I'm full throttle
just because I go to dives in my underwear,
reach across the counter and drink right from the bottle.
From time to time
I might talk to myself.
We have some really heated arguments;
I hate that guy. Such a bore.
He'd say, "Don't go and rob that store
At least go around back, use a gun
don't just paint a banana black."
We might be on the no fly list,
just because once I got ******
and ****** out the airlock.
One day I might get my mind right,
kick these habits,
go find out what happened
to my non-existent kid and wife.
Until then
Lucid is a luxury that I intend to disarm
sell to my dealer to get more
sugar for my arm.
Sometimes I just like listening to the voices in my head
and all their whacked out ravings
as I tie myself to the bed.
Crazy people are the ones
who are the same thing everyday.
The same as you, full of pride,
until I had an epiphany
while my brain did the electric slide.
I have the ability to destroy lives
by showing how much of a waste
yours belies.
And if the world thinks I'm touched,
I'll stroke their back
put everyone to sleep,
so I can undo reality.

Bullets crisscross the battlefield
Will you be standing still?
Can you make sure the doors are sealed,
or will you get your thrill?
These dancers are missing one foot,
will you hold them up?
We're managing to ignore the soot
while you fill your cup.

When the blood mix and mingles
can you classify your sin?
Will you defy the wail of shrapnel
to expose the heat within?
These guns have no ammunition.
Are you willing to reload?
We beg you to fail your mission
with the intel we withhold.

With my two hands,
this is where it ends.
You may have the courage boy,
but watch the words you choke.
Actions may bring you joy,
but your not in on the joke.

Ignoring the despair in my heat
as though it were the end of days
somnambulist stroll through the streets
evaporating the pouring rain
Hostility of anxious speak
and make for dangerous play
the slipknot swings slowly
cause there's only one letter left in the game
You leaking fuel, it washes over me
If it burns you, quit the autopilot
A dark passenger in your own body
while the psychosomatic symptoms
replicate without restriction
Hazard  shaded within fiction
The mending  when one becomes two
making the most of its superficial quality
If I can ignore the despair in my heart
as though it were the end of days
then in this moment  we know
what its really like to share.

I am frightened of
the endless possibilities
that brought you here to me.
So many decisions that
if they happened differently
I couldn't look you in the eyes
while you stare back so intently.
The goddess of numbers had graced us
with the smallest chance encounter
that brought us together.
And I analyze the luck
of the excessive number of variants
where the love is more than mutual,
while the others prove our connection futile.
Everyday I relish in the serendipity
at every continuity
where we continue to be.

By flipping the switch,
will the world remain
no longer?

A hollow point misses its mark
Rage drowns in a digital sea
If the maw opens
the minds will close
The vacuum of the highest power
threatens disorder
in which time drags
and coin flips have uneven odds
Its a short walk to the gallows
There may be not enough letters left

You may find yourself
walking where the road ends
resisting the pull at your navel
as it guides you forwards.
Ahead is an abyss, an absence,
a grave to those whom have shed ambitions
bound to the earth
like a coil of desolation
drawing in those who've embraced
the human condition.
Approaching the precipice
you may consider the choices
or curse the conspiring fates
that brought you here.
Merely the thought
that this could be the end is enough
producing regrets, protests, and promises
if and what if then:
"I can change"
"I can quit"
"I can love"
But amidst  the groveling
you've failed to notice
that only one foot is still bound to the earth
thrusting you into darkness.

Bolt the locks
destroy the lights
no one who's coming
is still alive
So hold her close
with all your might
cause all the howling
will give her fright
board the windows
keep out of sight
have something near
if you have to fight
when you fade to darkness
it might be alright
just don't tell them
*they're only after you tonight.

Don't you think there's enough
numbers in the phone-book?
My goddess it seems
you let the weeds get out of hand.
A pandemic that finally took hold
and is siphoning the life.
How could anyone starve
with all this meat walking around?
I have a vaccine for this sickness
in a shape of a .45
but it can't fix the problem
with a simple shot in the arm.
You'll understand
when they give me my peace prize
for my generous genocide.
Let me set you free
from this pandemonius depravity.

Like a beaten traveler I carry on
The only singer in a chorus that knows one song
My legs move but don't know where they're going
Seared by heat whereever the wind is blowing
Reaching out of help I come under attack
Feeling the weight of many arrow in my back
The earth moves like quicksand at desert seams
No oasis just sun flares and pipe dreams
I thought for a minute others could be salvation
It turned out to be a mirage of expectation
Hell itself is not the enemy
Just a manifestation of my hate and what it means to me
And I move through concentric circles below
In dire need of rescue so I move slow
It's not an energy that can easily be released
I passed the event horizon of this hungry beast
Disintegrating in agony as it feeds
Relaying false messages of what I need
I'm not sure if I'm mad I thought of suicide
Or that I considered for the first time to ride
Being treated like a burden, complainer, annoyance
Met with betrayal, forgotten, and avoidance.
I don't want to be the bad vibes they talk about.
I just needed a friend to help me out.
But I see I need rock bottom to see the devil with my eyes
To break on through to reach my paradise.
To deal with pain and hatred of this size,
I have to find a way to deny my own lies.

Its the kind of despair
that leads a rodeo clown
to sit down and wait
for the bull to come around

Its the kind of fear
that keeps a slave chained
even when the bolts
have been cut and thrown away

Its the kind of regret
that discarding the past
creates a never-ending spiral
of horrors approaching fast

The well is deep and unmerciful
you'll be paid in full
you'd be paid in full

Entangled amongst
the hidden strings
Avoiding threaded paths
lined with torment sweat
Fate turns her head
to my unmitigated suffering
Its punishment for
my pretentions to suit her.
But I fear I'm walking in circles
if I follow the sound of rolling thunder
where the air thickens
and feigns clarity
thus the road seams nearly unending
picking at the stitching near the feet
of a reaper whom sharpens his scythe
only for me.

Its harder to relate
when your life becomes the stage
smoldering like the brightest pyre
to fizzle on a faded page
amongst monsters made of hands
emotions ignite a passion
bent to my reflections demands
in the most maddening fashion.
Calloused hands cant scratch it.
Unglued minds cant fake it.
All you can do is take it,
An hope to god they patch it.
Strung through the fields
where sanity ain't a concept.
Just smile for the audience
and spin it into gold.

Part time friends will leave
When you needed them the most
Without looking back

Living a life of last resorts
Taking the roads where signs mislead
Where there is darkness in these streets
We've found a light in you.
Over the weathered bridges
to barren landscapes
Where allies are paranoid and betray
in the territories of the kitchen.
Morals are more black than white,
but no one realizes how pink
we all are on the inside.
And I wonder how did someone so pure
end up so blue?
Its the nature of the environment.
A parable of cruel intent.

Why is it when I ask for help you'd rather be doing something else?
Is it me or the melancholy you think I represent?
If you can't be there tell me, I'll do I it by myself.
Once it falls apart, I'll rebuild and buff out the dents.

Its hard not to feel ethereal
when your suspended, weightless
flying through your windshield.
Saw the fear inside your eyes
As we passed through the air
stagnant in mid-flight.
The Earth doesn't know how to say goodbye
but she can answer with a hearty hello
when two ton beasts collide.
My illusions of grandeur picture us together
bundled up by the beach
enjoying the perfect weather.
That I might compare you to the beauty of the skies,
feed off your excitement
as I slide my hand between your thighs.
There's more than envy of the dance
between the senses sight and touch
before the remainders could get a chance.
But at this moment, I'm sure it's my fault
that we aren't getting closer together
than we are as intimate with asphalt.
It sure does take a while
to resynchronize with gravity,
eventually.
I really don't mind
if it lasts for infinity.
But I really don't know,
if you'll get to remember me.
Our chances of getting together
and having our connection thrive
is about less than or equal to
getting out of this alive.

The love you give
is less than the take.
The life you live
is more than fake.
Your doubt swells around you.
Can't you see you're still the fool?
You're sick with panic attacks
about what the say behind your back.
They refuse to show you whats real.
I can tell how you feel.
Come with me and I'll make you a deal.
Just between us.

They're using you
Cant you see it?
They'll leave you too,
in the Lonely Pit.

Stress, it doesn't sound new.
what kills the heart kills us too!
You can become more than just be,
all you have to do is trust me.

I avoid pathways that lead directly to my heart
Because they're worn and tattered
Form abuse and neglect
So I quarantined the questions
That lead as turnstiles to these halls
The trust I had to polish these walls
Left with the old management
And therefore I henceforth forsake them
They only lead now to disaster and ruin
Devastation and a poisonous plague
To the rest of my mind
Because the doors were always open
To those who needed it most
They in return used up and defaced
Leaving when I needed them most

The Big Bad Wolf
would hang his head in shame
if he knew what I could do to you.
Elevators creak at the weight
of decisions you'd have to make.
Maybe I lit a fire
just so you'd put it out.
I hope you don't waste water
on these insignificant bridges.
The fact you hate me,
is enough to know you care.
To know every inch of you body
I learned with every caress
The smell of your breath,
the tenderness of you *******.
And i ate you whole, every time.
Animals we are, two of a kind.
You know, you're a liar too,
you're not as frail as you seem.
Even when I hurt you, I couldn't **** a dream,
so i dreamt it for you, wholesale.
I know where you keep the garlic.
Words like silver bullets.
But not enough words for an arms race.
Its written all over your face.
No I didn't take your dignity,
you gave it to me willingly.
So here i am alone in the cold,
throwing bricks at your window.
Come outside where you can get a hit.
So i stole your heart,
what will you do about it?

******* I'm plowing through
these problems, one after another.
A hotel to patrons in distress
with a will that threatens to smother.
I couldn't keep track of my girl,
or maybe i would't bother,
says her rational for leaving
for another.
You'd never hear screaming,
like how my wallet howls in pain.
Like throwing ice into lava
Bills leave me so drained.
Praying to someone that i don't get sick
because I know they'll take all of it.
Too smart to know I'll never strike it rich,
don't pay idiot taxes
before I do,
I'll burn down my home with matches.
Keep breathing, hold out for today
Eat something, Beg someone
to save me from living this way.
So I hang on to the rope I was going to swing from
because I cant afford to let go
of what i have left, somehow
deep, deep down there's hope.
What must I become to escape?
Working that bottom bracket
left my whole existence agape
to the will to ****.
Until i bide my time, upending this deflation,
defying the volition of the universe to be,
I'll board the train to Desperation Station,
where the population is just Me.

How do I say i want you
through the reflections?
Could you say you love me
with different inflections?
Ill always follow you
in different directions
If you gave me your heart,
it'll have my protection.

Go ahead, take the time
To be ready tonight
It burns on the way down
Burying light
A powdered breakfast
For the nose
To kick start the heart
You know how it goes
The acid is warm
Go and jump on in
Can't detail the trip
Once time bends
Clothes slip away
As she slithers to bed
While the lucky hit the bed sheets
Or are they prey instead?
She might enjoy the tumble
If her head was right
But the mind melts with waves
With no land in sight
Depraved things in the dark
Are simply a chore
Came out heavy handed
With more digits than before
Upon descent
The future approaches fast
She wants to forget
Double up to make it last
The days fade together
Back to where she begins
She knows if she stays oblivious
She won't see how it ends.

Its hard care for you
when you belong to another.
How many times can i point out
the inconsistencies in the lies that
bind you here and recall
like a boomerang?
How long will you color the wound
that he paints you with frequently?
How many bottles can you dominate
until your pain gets drowned away?
That little machine in your chest
can only takes so much stress
until it malfunctions.
Here I wait up all night for you
for the nightmares to be through.
So guarded for countless hours,
but no one can see your tears in the showers.
Anger spills over at everyone
as you try to keep me at arms length
every time we embrace
at the baggage claim.
Be it as it may
I'm not sure if I still love you,
but ****** I'm trying.

I hope it aches
because i am no longer
there.