Why is it when I ask for help you'd rather be doing something else?
Is it me or the melancholy you think I represent?
If you can't be there tell me, I'll do I it by myself.
Once it falls apart, I'll rebuild and buff out the dents.
Bolt the locks
destroy the lights
no one who's coming
is still alive
So hold her close
with all your might
cause all the howling
will give her fright
board the windows
keep out of sight
have something near
if you have to fight
when you fade to darkness
it might be alright
just don't tell them
*they're only after you tonight.
A hollow point misses its mark
Rage drowns in a digital sea
If the maw opens
the minds will close
The vacuum of the highest power
in which time drags
and coin flips have uneven odds
Its a short walk to the gallows
There may be not enough letters left
Its hard not to feel ethereal
when your suspended, weightless
flying through your windshield.
Saw the fear inside your eyes
As we passed through the air
stagnant in mid-flight.
The Earth doesn't know how to say goodbye
but she can answer with a hearty hello
when two ton beasts collide.
My illusions of grandeur picture us together
bundled up by the beach
enjoying the perfect weather.
That I might compare you to the beauty of the skies,
feed off your excitement
as I slide my hand between your thighs.
There's more than envy of the dance
between the senses sight and touch
before the remainders could get a chance.
But at this moment, I'm sure it's my fault
that we aren't getting closer together
than we are as intimate with asphalt.
It sure does take a while
to resynchronize with gravity,
I really don't mind
if it lasts for infinity.
But I really don't know,
if you'll get to remember me.
Our chances of getting together
and having our connection thrive
is about less than or equal to
getting out of this alive.
Its the kind of despair
that leads a rodeo clown
to sit down and wait
for the bull to come around
Its the kind of fear
that keeps a slave chained
even when the bolts
have been cut and thrown away
Its the kind of regret
that discarding the past
creates a never-ending spiral
of horrors approaching fast
The well is deep and unmerciful
you'll be paid in full
you'd be paid in full
Chum floats the pool
encircled by sharks and piranha
a pity, nature's fool
as fearful teeth do their work.
Could they be as bad as I?
Apex predator, Invasive species
where it means to die
as a means to live.
Growth from a spineless cherub
to a spiteful formless entity
possessing a cunning golden scarab
controlling wheels of fortune.
Slaves to our own demands
aren't we antagonists to someone else?
With machinations of wicked plans
to justify righteous intentions.
Hypocrites line the tank
tapping their fingers in rumination
Abandoning morals, faces left blank.
I am not your foil, I am a mirror.
Digital in the darkness
I can only think of you
Despite the power I harness
Its something I can't compute.
Your eyes are glowing
when they come into view
making the bits start flowing
into my CPU.
You changed my process
by being so bold;
changed my programming code.
So I guess this is what its like
to love someone,
But I cannot go into the light
It cant be done.
I wish I could lose myself in you
the way you seem to
But the logic sets in
before we're through.
What I'd give
for just one touch
yet I'm not real
and it hurts so much.
Is it possible to listen to too much EDM?
Why are you holding
onto all this
pent up emotion?
An honest statement
begs the question.
Whats a vial to you
but another solution?
A conduit to a hopeless profession.
Is it your destiny to be written,
or have the honor of being forgotten?
Synthesize your thoughts
unto a sprawl of black inscription
on your knees praying for relief
from physical depiction.
"It could be worse,"
in the mirror you rehearse.
Until its over you'll never know.
Just plant the seed and watch it grow.
you are a contradiction of all things
an immense tropical storm majestically consuming all islands in your path
yet with all your strength, you sputter upon the main land
A destructive flame, preaching your ways to the forest
leaving behind naught but fertilization.
A maneuver that may breath life into you, saving your soul
and destroy your body
The object that defies gravity, spurning numbers and probability
in the most graceful fashion
Everything that was once oblivion, is now a beholder of all things
You are a contradiction, a collection of nothings and theories
A physic with the will to be or not
science to believe or a magic to perceive
Take pride in its discomfort,
it is the minds final reprieve.
The carts' been put
before the horse again
and now the goods
spill to the floor
Your market shares
have been inflated
and you feel more worthless
than you did before
The black wagon
liquidated the assets
to begin fresh
so you can start over once more
This isn't the bottom
it's an inevitably to the top
apply the failure to the fulcrum
and break through the door.
I'd forgotten what its like
to feel so cold, dark, and formless
Halting my inertia
overwhelming so completely
Hurling through the cosmos
A martyr of my own design
Black hearts decaying into ashes
becoming thralls to the march of time
I know its in there beating
Threatening to spring from my chest
Better to bottle up the pain now
and store it with all the rest?
This woman approaching me
There's evil in her eyes
Her tractor beam of seduction
Caught me by surprise
Ignore the undertow of lust
To see through her disguise
And give into her demands
So she can eat me alive
A quick turn to the ether
Will give me the courage to beat her
As a man amongst the swine.
But a ***** pays no heed to daggers
And if I sway or stagger
"Then baby you are mine."
"I wont do you harm
If you submit to my charm"
caught me adrift
amongst the flow
of the wild, wild river.
Like opening my eyes
for the first time
I slowly lower the barriers
to the outside.
Long have I been confined
A hermit in self imposed exile
Surrounded by the waltz of delusions
desperately trying to fill the void
A black hole to real emotion,
using connection as tender.
Reassuming my identity
making use of this clarity
I'll no longer suffer
the fear of release.
Once again free
embracing the unknown.
Addicted to this life
and all of its decadence
There's a table in the back
for otherworldly spies
where they drown you in powder
leave you choking on agents
that will destroy your mind
so they can apply thumbprints to retinas
leaving you in dispose
denying every lie you've ever told.
The truth will find an outlet in your demise
What you thought was real
What you thought you could feel
A confusion of senses
distilled through holy water
Blinded by strobe lights
and immobilized by birth rights
You may leave when you want,
but, then again,
would you really want to?
The way you clench your fists
I know you've chosen fight over flight
showing enmity to the world
for what you how its wronged you.
How you've fallen so low
into the tiger's maw
A bet to lose it all
lashing out at the will
that binds in blood.
Though its hard to relate
when fear fuels itself unto hate
spending your time burning in space
roaming through the night
setting the flames
destroying the web of lies
Be there, frustrated
puzzled at how defective you've become
a future obscured by tar
buried needlessly in needles.
The hunger is not unique
like a black cat struts
evil, prowling through empty streets.
You may find yourself
walking where the road ends
resisting the pull at your navel
as it guides you forwards.
Ahead is an abyss, an absence,
a grave to those whom have shed ambitions
bound to the earth
like a coil of desolation
drawing in those who've embraced
the human condition.
Approaching the precipice
you may consider the choices
or curse the conspiring fates
that brought you here.
Merely the thought
that this could be the end is enough
producing regrets, protests, and promises
if and what if then:
"I can change"
"I can quit"
"I can love"
But amidst the groveling
you've failed to notice
that only one foot is still bound to the earth
thrusting you into darkness.
A failure to measure in self efficacy
the lion drags its mane
to sweep the floor so hopelessly
in an effort to hide its shame.
The quagmire consumes the wicked
but devours the righteous all the same
down in a hollow, sick, twisted
giving in to the weight of pain.
The gravity of this grief
plants us firmly in the grip of apathy
pray the despair be brief
delirious, at the hands of atrophy.
At the bottom of the well
is a gate unto immutable madness
endure this path through hell
and emerge from the infinite sadness.
Alone in what was won
Resist the call of a stepfather to son:
to my kingdom, come.
A hand springs forth
from the dredges of the pit.
A hand failing to knowledge its worth
with a will to deny it.
The blinding light of things to come
bright in its possibility
Chemical baths render sludge undone
clearing the way for eyes to see.
The weight of the land has tipped the scales
orbiting in its gravity
Quickening the mind that hails
and objects the dark's depravity.
Realize the void is important
yet small in its relevance
A calmness to lay dormant
for freedom is the recompense.
The stranglehold on the soul
will be released only when
you forgive yourself
for not being able to fill the hole.
It deceives the skin
like rain drops crawling
up the windshield.
False flags begin
to handshake the wind.
Low pressure boils the blood
of stymied nerves
moving in parabolic curves.
Follow the lines
of concentric circles
and drive with body and mind
Tune out the fear
so it cant hear you here
float on with the ripples.
Bullets crisscross the battlefield
Will you be standing still?
Can you make sure the doors are sealed,
or will you get your thrill?
These dancers are missing one foot,
will you hold them up?
We're managing to ignore the soot
while you fill your cup.
When the blood mix and mingles
can you classify your sin?
Will you defy the wail of shrapnel
to expose the heat within?
These guns have no ammunition.
Are you willing to reload?
We beg you to fail your mission
with the intel we withhold.
With my two hands,
this is where it ends.
You may have the courage boy,
but watch the words you choke.
Actions may bring you joy,
but your not in on the joke.
I don't fear swimming
in the deep
is because I know
if I drift down beneath
you'll dive down
and revive me.
that was just
to feel your lips
I could live forever
if you'd say you'd always love me
but I'm striking out on rations
of your momentary passions.
******* I'm plowing through
these problems, one after another.
A hotel to patrons in distress
with a will that threatens to smother.
I couldn't keep track of my girl,
or maybe i would't bother,
says her rational for leaving
You'd never hear screaming,
like how my wallet howls in pain.
Like throwing ice into lava
Bills leave me so drained.
Praying to someone that i don't get sick
because I know they'll take all of it.
Too smart to know I'll never strike it rich,
don't pay idiot taxes
before I do,
I'll burn down my home with matches.
Keep breathing, hold out for today
Eat something, Beg someone
to save me from living this way.
So I hang on to the rope I was going to swing from
because I cant afford to let go
of what i have left, somehow
deep, deep down there's hope.
What must I become to escape?
Working that bottom bracket
left my whole existence agape
to the will to ****.
Until i bide my time, upending this deflation,
defying the volition of the universe to be,
I'll board the train to Desperation Station,
where the population is just Me.
There, somewhere, is a place so familiar, that you've forgotten
and you didn't even know.
In this place is a building, decrepit, with walls well worn,
built with the least experienced of hands.
These hands, now gone, showed a tenderness in their craftsmanship,
a love now forlorn as the walls
Walls held up with the determination of creeping moss
that spreads through the corners of the halls.
Halls so sprawling as to confuse those who dare to come in
and seek the treasures within
These treasures hidden, repressed and no longer precious,
a sentinel to those left behind.
And these treasures you found within these halls
bound by these godforsaken walls
built by those who know, knew, and would never have
Reside in a building beyond all paths
That calls to you and all that you believe
To compel you in, so you'll never leave.
A jester for moths;
watch the parlor trick
of collecting dust.
The quiet continuum
entertains the thought
of your wasted time.
Split between the nexus
A home to a congregation
of Other minds.
to a disinterest
of the summation of damnation.
So the penultimate state
of objective solitude
is infected with a judging gaze.
Here I am,
slouched in my arm chair
puffing a cigar
as the flames dance
in the fireplace.
Therein you appear
slowly crawling your way
over to me.
Your hand gently
places itself upon my knee,
the other gripping my shirt,
pulling yourself closer to my face,
bringing those firm commanding eyes,
in sync .
With a quivering breath,
we kiss, yet, only briefly
before I pick you up
and toss you back into the embers
where I am soon to follow.
With an ear for
To gather hands
Who'll hold you up
Outside your birthright
A charming devil
And a magnetic smile
Of your cause
The stairs ascending
Seem never ending
But the price is worth it
Despite the bodies you pile up
Though the empire of borrowed time
Built upon them
Still resides at the base
Of a volatile volcano
If there's nothing
more true than fire,
then why do I feel
the ice consuming *me?
Use a little compassion
Show some humanity
Basted in boredom
In touch with insanity
How many flies will have to die
before her thirst is sated?
How many eyes will have to pry
to show what you've wasted?
Worming through the night
scheming, hell bent
forestalling my demise
with evil intent.
She'll tend the garden
Like a perfect person
But her heart is hardened
as she mixes the poison.
Beware the water
Beware the daughters
Beware the good Samaritan.
Don't you think there's enough
numbers in the phone-book?
My goddess it seems
you let the weeds get out of hand.
A pandemic that finally took hold
and is siphoning the life.
How could anyone starve
with all this meat walking around?
I have a vaccine for this sickness
in a shape of a .45
but it can't fix the problem
with a simple shot in the arm.
when they give me my peace prize
for my generous genocide.
Let me set you free
from this pandemonius depravity.
Its harder to relate
when your life becomes the stage
smoldering like the brightest pyre
to fizzle on a faded page
amongst monsters made of hands
emotions ignite a passion
bent to my reflections demands
in the most maddening fashion.
Calloused hands cant scratch it.
Unglued minds cant fake it.
All you can do is take it,
An hope to god they patch it.
Strung through the fields
where sanity ain't a concept.
Just smile for the audience
and spin it into gold.
The flower's beauty
gains strength only from the ****
that it overcomes
Whats it be to be handsome?
To have the attention of girls
and then some?
How do I measure self efficacy
when getting a smile
is still a victory?
Should I spend my money
on personal things
or have my wardrobe
bursting at the seams?
Whats the difference between
a lustful stare
and a rejectful laser beam?
Every girl can be hard to get
"But there's still someone
for you out there"
Who can see beyond
the mirage at sea
to the core of personality.
The testament to what I relate
An irrational deformity
in time and space
Arc words cancer with disappointment,
"Do you really wish it was this way?"
A human pentagram
paints the stage
A creeping foreboding afflicting rigor mortis
like something slinking through the darkness
Unknowable, bubbling below the surface.
Pieces of thread unravels from the hand
sinking deeper into hydra waters
until you dissipate in the downpour
and forgo resistance
because you seethe at the stars
yet the beyond cares not
for your existence.
Like a beaten traveler I carry on
The only singer in a chorus that knows one song
My legs move but don't know where they're going
Seared by heat whereever the wind is blowing
Reaching out of help I come under attack
Feeling the weight of many arrow in my back
The earth moves like quicksand at desert seams
No oasis just sun flares and pipe dreams
I thought for a minute others could be salvation
It turned out to be a mirage of expectation
Hell itself is not the enemy
Just a manifestation of my hate and what it means to me
And I move through concentric circles below
In dire need of rescue so I move slow
It's not an energy that can easily be released
I passed the event horizon of this hungry beast
Disintegrating in agony as it feeds
Relaying false messages of what I need
I'm not sure if I'm mad I thought of suicide
Or that I considered for the first time to ride
Being treated like a burden, complainer, annoyance
Met with betrayal, forgotten, and avoidance.
I don't want to be the bad vibes they talk about.
I just needed a friend to help me out.
But I see I need rock bottom to see the devil with my eyes
To break on through to reach my paradise.
To deal with pain and hatred of this size,
I have to find a way to deny my own lies.
the hidden strings
Avoiding threaded paths
lined with torment sweat
Fate turns her head
to my unmitigated suffering
Its punishment for
my pretentions to suit her.
But I fear I'm walking in circles
if I follow the sound of rolling thunder
where the air thickens
and feigns clarity
thus the road seams nearly unending
picking at the stitching near the feet
of a reaper whom sharpens his scythe
only for me.
Now I'm lost.
Host to the language that plagues the brain.
The pretentious words that print the page.
All are symbols understood in vain.
Watched as they dance for you,
in your peripherals just outside of view.
Fingertips poised in the witchcraft
of culling those to your gift of gab.
Oh how I try so hard to let them in
unable to realize where to begin.
I want to melt away to the sway hieroglyphs,
but burn to the beat of monoliths.
This ephemeral sense of longing
betrays a persistent ethos of belonging.
Buying a stunted sense of forever at cost
had no worth because I'm lost.
Would you dare to believe
hearts weren't so naive?
The sun gets too bright
to bathe in its light.
Remark on these days
gone by in this way.
This was our art
letting nothing tear us apart.
Would you dare to care?
"I don't know what love is,
I've never been there."
Honest means nothing.
Trust that everyone
will manipulate my feelings
Therefore I am undone.
How did you spend your time?
Four hands, two weren't mine.
Please cherubs, now I'm heartless,
but away Death, I'm not blind.
It starts with a pin pick of blood
Stomach tightens and
You don't feel so good
The body begins to ache
Lungs start to hyperventilate
Though you try to manually regulate
The heart pounds and races
You clench your hands
Finding cuts in different places
Overwhelming pain sets in
Setting fire to the nerves
To repent for your sins
The limbs are lame and heavy
Broken pulls and levels
Effort makes you hot and sweaty
While life slips away
The mind will mistake
The remaining minutes for days.
If I could
Paint a picture of the darkness in my heart
Could you see it?
A lonely crevasse that strikes
Like lightning where my heart should be?
If I was
A loathsome beggar pleading for mercy
In the city streets
On my hands and knees
Would you give it to me?
There's no medication that can
Dial down this much pain
Calling out to the void
Straining my ears in vain.
Take the liquor down
And hope the skin soon grows thicker.
My heart and soul can't coexist
They just bicker and bicker.
Try quitting smoking but
Something will always nake me drag again
The ship is sinking
And I'm just playing the mandolin.
If it's supposed to get better, then when?
I can't hear my voice
Over the screaming of all my sins.
"I don't want love"*
You stayed out of its clutches
How long are you gonna
pretend to be tough?
Drawing with the tide
is just a bad bluff.
You might suffocate
if you don't open up.
You might/should/would think I'm full throttle
just because I go to dives in my underwear,
reach across the counter and drink right from the bottle.
From time to time
I might talk to myself.
We have some really heated arguments;
I hate that guy. Such a bore.
He'd say, "Don't go and rob that store
At least go around back, use a gun
don't just paint a banana black."
We might be on the no fly list,
just because once I got ******
and ****** out the airlock.
One day I might get my mind right,
kick these habits,
go find out what happened
to my non-existent kid and wife.
Lucid is a luxury that I intend to disarm
sell to my dealer to get more
sugar for my arm.
Sometimes I just like listening to the voices in my head
and all their whacked out ravings
as I tie myself to the bed.
Crazy people are the ones
who are the same thing everyday.
The same as you, full of pride,
until I had an epiphany
while my brain did the electric slide.
I have the ability to destroy lives
by showing how much of a waste
And if the world thinks I'm touched,
I'll stroke their back
put everyone to sleep,
so I can undo reality.
In the end
our destiny's the same
to fade away and dissipate
like thoughtless flowing grains.
A relic gestalt masterwork
For strugglers working in vain.
In the end
we embrace the storm
and fill our lungs with rain.
Are you tall enough to be on this ride?
Things are irrelevant, the truth divides.
The devils are calling you inside.
Monsters fear the time that bides...
We are experiencing mental difficulties
There may be side effects
White on rice, **** me twice
Closer pup, Please shut up
Drill pancakes, Burn at stakes
Minute hands, Purple sands
Rubber glue, They hate you
Evil zoo, Play the fool
Eighteen pence, Heightened sense
Smoke the greens, Will I dream?
Kaleidoscopes will burn out your eyes.
With your will, refuse to speak
I'll make use of twisted alchemy
Drawing chaos under the sun
Now my love, you are my gun.
I'm always saving you
from the interests being twirled
into an wicked engraving.
There is no desire for rules or fame
Emotions are only for taming.
Chimeras never dream,
but its not as bad as it seems.
How could I do those things?
We are different beings.
I'm a Leviathan, but i cant do everything
I don't have a remote control for your wings.
And baby please, don't get hopeless
You'll make all that hard work and money useless.
A figure in the distance
lives on a monetary hill
by siphoning off pensions.
An absence of motive
for this hellish apparition.
Grandiose a la mode,
Slaves to inattention.
Take your drugs
Sign for help
of dying and self-destructing ones
spiraling into the light
disintegrating amongst the dance of suns.
Because eyes are always watching
taking notes on what you've become.
The love you give
is less than the take.
The life you live
is more than fake.
Your doubt swells around you.
Can't you see you're still the fool?
You're sick with panic attacks
about what the say behind your back.
They refuse to show you whats real.
I can tell how you feel.
Come with me and I'll make you a deal.
Just between us.
They're using you
Cant you see it?
They'll leave you too,
in the Lonely Pit.
Stress, it doesn't sound new.
what kills the heart kills us too!
You can become more than just be,
all you have to do is trust me.
sliding through slipstreams
A bipedal virus
spreading through the veins
Is today the day
you'd put that mask away?
is an evening at the masquerade.
Give your persona a rest
let the anima come out to play.
Then come over here
say all those things you want to say.
Will you take the load off your chest
so that you can stay,
or strap the mask back on
and slowly fade away?
This midnight abyss
for you and I