Lately there have been days where I catch myself looking for you in the strangest places;
In train stations, sanctuaries, the corners of your room that you never set foot in,
And there have been days where I feel so small that just leaving my bed seems like the bravest thing I've ever done.
I blame it on the way you seem to swallow my darkness without absorbing it,
The way my chest tightens at the thought of your touch,
The way I cradle the ashes of what we once were.
We ruined each other with passion and fire,
And there are days where that fire still burns in my chest, migrates to my head,
And my skull begins to feel like a whiskey glass in a bar fight.
These days no one ever tells you about the difference between heat and warmth,
You learn it yourself when his hands scorch your skin and his fire burns through you
While he pours lighter fluid down your throat.
I wake up as a stranger in my body these days and I whisper to the mirror, "I just want to go home"
And thoughts of you remind me of how to get there.
It seems like we're straddling the line between love and Stockholm syndrome
And it's automatic for me to call you by your sins rather than your name,
But these are the days when I need you to lap up this nectar and hear this truth,
As well as all the blurred intentions behind every "I miss you."

If I could cut open my heart
And have it pour your blood
Would that make you more a part of me
Than the possession of all my love?

Reach inside your chest
And pull out anything but apathy,
So I can see you give
Something tangible back to me.

Rid my body of your toxins,
Sweat you out through every pore.
Until only the sweet salt is left
On my skin,
As it was before.

And maybe it's okay
To still say those three words.
As long as they taste like vinegar
Instead of feeling like a prayer
As they roll off your tongue
Into the always silent air.

Theres a nice saying, "pain demands to be felt"
But what is pain?
is it when your heart gets shattered into pieces of broken glass?
or is it when someone you love leaves you?
I think that theres many ways to feel pain.
but god, oh god, how are we supposed to deal with this pain?
it eats us from the inside out till were nothing but bones in a coffin.
it tears us apart piece by piece.
it chokes us till we cant stand up straight, till we cant breathe.
it drowns us with sorrow till we're blue.
it brings us to the floor begging on our hands and knees to make it stop.
However, that the thing about pain, it demands to be felt, because if you're not experiencing pain, then what are you experiencing?
Nothing.
pain will change you into a person you never thought you could be,
it will transform you to this sad dark person,
who plods there feet everywhere they walk,
who bows there head in a crowd of smiling faces,
and this pain you're feeling,
this pain you're experiencing,
it will destroy you.

Two ears, two eyes
A nose
A mouth
A chin

Billions of combinations,
Not always showing what's within.

More than a face,
your soul shines through.
You're too busy to notice,
being so utterly you.

So mark my words, in your special way,
You will see your own beauty one wonderful day.

One glance started it all.
Everything faded in the background.
You stood out amongst all souls
I think I have finally been found.

The next day you said hello
I was speechless. I just smiled.
I walk past you with a skip on my toes
My heart just soared a thousand miles.

The next week we were going out
Two souls dancing in the crowd
It was almost, almost a fairy tale
Oh! My heart was beating so loud.

The next month I finally said yes
When you asked if I could be your girl
I was wearing this pretty red dress
Under the night sky, we kissed and twirled.

The months to follow were eternal bliss
Every single moment I wouldn't miss
You are a knight that swept me off my feet
For me, you'll launch a thousand fleets.

A year and two, time just flew.
To jump a cliff, I'll do it for you
But then I saw with my own eyes you kissing another
and finally, I knew.

Hurt and betrayed, I couldn't grasp
How my love could shatter my everything
Swollen eyes, red nose, voice so rasp
I was left empty. It hurts! It stings!

An eternity went by and still helplessly trapped
A lost soul that has met it downfall
Yearning to turn back time and stop
the one glance that started it all.

I saw someone today         
and they said                                        
I hate you                                              
I asked why
They replied
You hate yourself
So why shouldn't I
I never looked in that mirror again

Tick tick tock
Chimes the clock
As the hands spin in circles
Never to return
Once it's gone we must learn
That the time will never come back
And why oh why
Did I waste my time
On you

You sided with her
When the fight broke out
When I critized her
You would scream and shout
Why did I waste the time

I tried my best
To always please you
I would act as though the things
You did
Never bothered me too
Why did I waste the time

I tried to get your attention
Worried about clothes and hair
But when I came
You were know one knew where
Why did I waste the time

You'd cowar and scream
Giggle and hide
You knew nothing about love
Yet I stuck along in your tide
Why did I waste the time

And finally when I broke off
The foolish thing that was us
I realized I was fine
Even though you would cry and fuss
So I think to myself
Why did I waste the time