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Destiny C Sep 2021
Why am I always the second option?
But not the first?

I want to be loved.
I want to give love.

But instead,
I find hurt.
So I give hurt.
Destiny C Jun 2021
Zoloft,
This is a love letter.
Please do not get this confused.
You & my serotonin became infused.
I love you,
But I love you not.
It's almost like my old self,
That I forgot.

You take away the pain.
Only some of it,
The rest remains.

But I love you more than you know,
You've helped me in ways that don't show.

You are the drug that I've been chasing
Coke,
Acid,
Alcohol,
Need some replacin'..

But-
I hate your manipulation,
The way you think I need you,
Everyday,
No hesitation.

You starve me.
You beat me.
Make me physically weak..

But instead of leaving you,
I take you everyday,
Every week.

Because of you,
I've stopped & smelled the roses,
Had my first smile in awhile,
Took some pictures,
Held some poses.

But yet,
I know this can't go on forever.

I'm not sure when our last kiss will be,
Sometimes I only feel you & me,
Other times I feel the urge to leave

But I'll stay with you for now,
Because I don't know better.

The only reason I'm alive,
Is because you help me survive.
  Jun 2021 Destiny C
David Lessard
I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)
Destiny C Jun 2021
These thoughts in my head...
Never let me quite go to bed.

I scream & I shout,
But nobody ...
ever lets me out.

I'm trapped inside my own head,
Where the walls are painted red.

In ******* to my own thoughts,
Enslaved,
Tied in knots.

Whipped & dragged around..
As if there was pleasure in hell.

I've been trapped in here so long,
I can't tell.
Destiny C Apr 2019
"You're next up"

Anxiety,
Doubt,
And ultimately the inevitable reality of what's to come fills your head.

You're next up on life's rollercoaster ride,
but you don't know what lays ahead.
You hear the laughter,
screams,
and shouts,
but you don't see it yet.
You don't know what it's about.
Instead of enjoying the wait -
you stand there,
guessing your fate.

But now it's your time.

"Sit tight"

"Keep your arms and feet inside the ride at all times"

So you buckle in -
Not quite ready,
and as the ride takes off,
you sit back steady.
You laugh as you go up & down,
side & around.
The exhilaration of moving at such speeds,
seem to be all you really need.

But then you **** too hard -
Arms and legs nearly flailing outside the ride.
You begin to feel scared,
but you have too much pride.

Then you drop down 400 feet,
the only thing the leaves your body is a deafening scream.
Fear,
Anxiety,
And uncertainty of your willpower to finish this ride set in.

You didn't know you would feel so scared,
when you chose to begin.
And just as you calm down,
another drop happens,
making you wish you'd  hit the ground,
just to escape this rollercoaster ride.
Because buckled in,
there is nowhere to hide.
You wait for it to get better,
but it only gets worse.
You start crying and seeing visions of a hearse.
You see one last loop ahead,
wondering if this is when you'll be pronounced dead.

But you make it through,
upside down and all,
only seeing good things ahead -
so now you're glad you didn't fall.

The rest of the ride is smooth sailing,
no drops,
no arms flailing.
Just the wonders of life taking you to new heights,
but you're no longer scared.
You've been through all the terrors & frights.

So when it's all over,
said & done,
you can look back at the rollercoaster.
With pride now,
instead of fear,
encouraging the young who dare to travel near.
Destiny C Apr 2019
Why can't you love me back?
My hearts beats for you.
Everything I've done is for you.
Every move I make,
and turn I take,
leads to you.

But you don't love me back.

The love I've shown you...
countless days,
nights,
hours,
minutes,
seconds,
I've spent with you-
mean nothing if you can't love me back.

All my dreams lead back to you.
I can't think of anything but you.
You posess me -
body
mind,
and soul.
And I just want you to know,
I have to go,
if you're love for me doesn't show.

We have so much history -
At first it was bliss,
but now it's misery.
I wonder how sweet it is to be loved by you...

Can you please show me?
Give me a reason to stay,
I want to wait and see,
how great we can really be.
I'm not done with you yet,
although I should be.

But I still remember that first kiss,
the first time our lips touched...

But when I showed you my heart,
you could not show me yours.
No matter how deep I dig,
and loyal I stay,
you're love for me-
isn't here today.
Destiny C Apr 2019
Nobody can hate me -
more than I hate myself.
No words are harsh enought to cut like mine,
deep enough to pierce my heart,
but it's okay.
I already have.
Nobody can hurt me,
the way that I hurt myself.
A slap,
or fist,
is nothing like a slice on the wrist -
that I inflict on myself.
Your words can't break me,
your fist can't shake me,
your lies can't hurt me.
Because I -
break myself.
shake myself.
hurt myself.
and most of all,
hate myself.
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