when i was younger, this boy used to tease me about my skin color;
how much it resembles coal,
and how it makes me look like an Aeta,
and how they can't see me in the dark,
but even before that i was insecure.
because when people bothered to look at me,
they'd only see ebony
and to them it was synonymous with ugly and *****.

but i don't blame them.

they're just caught in the current of colonialism
when we measured one’s status through the hue of their skin
and we followed.
we followed their discrimination of the ones whose skin didn't look like the exact duplicate of ivory and marshmallow.
we followed their system of supremacy of putting the lighter ones up in the stars to match whiteness with brightness.
we followed their standards of beauty which just happened to be the exact ******* opposite of our majority.

now our country is driven mad
by the idea of whitening your skin
until your heritage is nowhere to be seen;  
it has been scrubbed off by papaya soap,
masked by glutathione
and devalued by insults.
but hey,
who cares about heritage if you look like that European actress?
who cares about culture when you could pass off as an American?
who cares about natural brown when synthetic white wears the crown?

I have since moved on from the fact
that you and I aren’t meant to be
But that wont bring back
the two years you stole from me.

On a rainy day, we agreed to meet.
You said we’d clear things up,
to simmer down the heat
and break down the emotional buildup.
Yet you had the audacity to make me wait
Maybe you did that on purpose
or that was just fate.
But how dare you take advantage of my love?
And, now,
how dare you take advantage of my presence?

I hold on to your mistake
the way you never held on for us
Or even for me.
Because, now, I can really hate you
Rather than hate you
just because you didn’t love me .

I am a lover of all things dark and brooding
the somber ambiance, for me, is quite soothing            
don't get me wrong, it's not all black and white;
my opinions and clothes alike.

I've actually come to like mustard yellow
And would totally rock a look that's pastel and mellow.
But this section of the spectrum
That will never have my affection
Is the color orange;
I cant even rhyme it with anything.
                                      
Red and yellow looked daunting at first;
Each color, the embodiment of an ouburst.
Wearing these colors that are so luminscent
To appear as though my soul is effervescent,
To appear as though i am an image of thrill;
Faking it 'til I make it, if you will.
Contrastingly, its combination's thrill and effervescence
Is rather shrill and of terrible essence

There's not much that I can compare it to
Other than your tangerine-scented shampoo
And falling leaves in autumn:
Like how I fall when you hum.
Seemingly soft sincerities
Have become dazing disparities.
What was once easy on my eyes
Now is a hue that I despise.

take me back a month ago;
I'll pretend I don't have to go back home.
I'll pretend I don't have a return ticket
as long as I get to stay a bit,
just a bit...longer
because, there, people were nicer!
I stood a little taller!
The air was cleaner
because you weren't in the radar

I basked in the glory or a lion with a fish tail.
I walked down pavements that always looked freshly painted.
I passed people who didn't look like me
nor looked at me.
There was absolutely nothing there
that could have reminded me of thee but...
me.

I chose to see you in the boat on top of a building
because you said we'd sail through the clouds
to catch each others dreams together.
I chose to see you in train stations
where I thought we'd say goodbye
rather than part with a short reply.

oh, take me back to that city
where I can be reminded of you
without you.

You stuck to me
Like coffee stains on my shirt and
Like paint under my fingernails;
I could romanticize your pressence as much as I want
But the truth is that you are nothing but filth.

I wanted to wash you and
All the memories we've made
But I just can't seem to scrub you away.
I tried and tried and tried
Until my eyes were red
Until my knuckles were bruised
Until I sank to my bed
Until I drowned in *****
Until my body was dead.

But, it was too late to wash off the filth and dust
That you made me believe, were glitter and fluff
For you have seeped into the deepest crevices of my life
To spread your virus of lovely lies.

You made me think that bacteria was dopamine
And this disease was love.