we are the masters of self-destruction
trying to numb the pain with wine
and drugs
and smoke filling up our lungs,
we write down in lines with no rhyme
all the things
that make our souls burn and die.
our poems bleed
we drink their blood
then we write again,
listening to stupid songs all night
wishing sometimes we were deaf
wishing we were dead.
we let the doors open
anyone with a knife can come inside
cutting our hearts in half,
any tear is welcome
to create the ocean around us
in which we deliberately drown ourselves.
masters of self-destruction,
our bodies are temples where dying souls hide,
we run till our legs are broken
jump off cliffs
go between sharks' cheeks
forgetting to sleep
to dream
we bleed
we drink
we love
and hurt
it's a madmen game we play
each day
laughing hysterically
while slowly taking steps to the graves
we dug for ourselves,
the masters of self-destruction we are
lunatics
worshiping what's not for us to adore
crying
hiding
falling again
and again.
legs broken,
hearts cut and eaten
flesh ripped from our bones
lungs full of water
ears burnt
our eyes scream
but that's fine
'cause we are the masters of self-destruction
and our life is just a mad game

i see you painted in other peoples's eyes
i see you smiling in the blue irises
swimming ocean's deepest blues
crossing the horizon and touching the sky.

i see your picture in the green eyes
in spring's early grass i see you laughing
daydreaming,
playing with some hopes
the way you play with my thoughts.

i see your picture in the deep brown eyes
eating their chocolate
the way you sometimes eat my heart

in the black skies
i see you painted
there are no stars
just you wandering alone
looking for something
something i don't know..

i see you painted in blue and green
in brown and hazel and black
and i can only hope
one day you'll see your smile
painted in own blue eyes.

I want to tell you of a great friend of mine
We use to be togeather all the time
We were soul connected hard to define
And something even harder to find
We both battled depression in it was one of the ties that bind

One day I told him I just couldn't go on
He told me I'll be your diamond you can lean upon
Because he knew rocks cracked so he would be the strongest that he could
And the love we shared we both understood

He called me up one afternoon and said, this might be the day
I replied hold on I'm already on my way
We just sit there in silence in his darkened room
He said you can't fix me, in his voice I heard that doom
I said I know that dear
That's not why I am here
I'm here to sit beside you
Till this patch of darkness you get through

A bullet he would of took for me and I for him
We loved each other to the brim
Friends forever him and I would always be
For there was no other friendship like ours through out the centuries

One day he could hold on no longer in the darkness and the pain
He never called me, he just stood in front of that **** train

He left a note just for me, I'm sorry *** your diamond finally cracked
And there's no turning back
But please forgive me and promise me to be strong
And instead of dying for me you must live on

So I silently promised him I'd do the best I could
Because I knew what he ment he had to go, I truly understood
I didn't know how I'd ever live without him but every day I'd try
And at least once a day I still break down and cry

It's been a few years now but I'll never get over the loss of my soul connected friend
But I count my self lucky I still get a glips of him in his son's face when he gets that crooked grin

In this waiting room
My legs are shaking
My thoughts are spinning around
Waiting for my name to be called
For the solution to start
Standing outside the door
I take a deep breath
Knock knock
"Come in"
Voice inside answers
"What brought you here today?"
I've been practising this line for weeks but my voice still sounds shaken
"I need help, don't know what else to do"
I say, as I roll up my sleeves
A quick look and the expected question
"What lead you to that?"
I take a few moments to get myself together
I know this question was going to come
I try to explain what I don't understand myself
Tears roll down my eyes
I try to speak
My throat is sore
I can barely breath
He writes away on his computer
Occasionally looking at me
I wonder what he is typing?
What he is thinking?
I look at my fresh lines on my wrists
A crimson red that I learn to love and hate
"I'll give you some happy pills, it will make you feel a lot better"
I look at the bottle filled with little pills
That suppose to make me feel better
After three days
All the sadness
The despair
The anger is gone
But so is all the emotions
I feel like a zombie
I feel numb
I feel dead inside

I just want a hug
No questions
No whys
Just hold me for a few seconds
Let me feel your peace
And calm my soul

If she's still reading the poems i told her not to
I wouldn't mind anymore
because my mind is filled with too much paranoia to give a **** now
i have my episodes where I can't forget things
well lets just stay
i am on a loop
well you made things too explicit
took away the one thing you knew i clinged onto
can't act as free as i was back then
well thanks for cutting down the wings which now i grew one again
am still in contact with you
just being the way i was
and will be
and I would like to hear it from you this time that you made it till here reading not accepting these things into your brain
I don't know why I can't let loose on this ****
and i write this after a long time
because i am on one of those episodes right now
thinking of your maybe deceit
If you are reading this , you prove out to be filled with back stabbing treachery .
a gift to you my beloved .
you are gonna regret if you are already here
By reading this you just failed yourself a little more .....
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

You want to go
Just go

But promise me
You will not look back
It's not that I willn't be there
But I don't want you to see my heart's crack

You want to go
Just go

But never look into my eyes
If you will see me on your way
I don't want you to read unspoken
Love words today I want to say

You want to go
Just go

But promise me you willn't
come on my grave with flower
It's not that my love will die with me
I don't want to touch your soul as rain shower

Its not that I willn't wait for you
Or patience for my love I lack
But promise me
You will not come back

You want to go
Just go
Gooo
Goo
Go......