Everywhere,
there are things that remind me of you

bamboo, chocolate, snuggles

Things so common,
but I always think of you

lemonheads, games, stylus

Things so feasible,
so easy to associate with anyone

art, late nights, dark rooms

Yet…
You make them seem like so much more

Dark nights in summer.
The moon gives off a glow, a longing awaits there.
The stars, so faintly visible still a reminder of home

Indecisiveness radiates in the light
To go with you or to go back to where I once knew

The moon reminds me of you
The stars bring me home
Where do I go if I want both as my own

Water droplets on skin and tears mesh together
It shows nothing
You can’t see it
It’s there
It weighs you down then breaks you slowly
You try to fight it
It’s oh so hard
You want to give up
You want to wait
You want to see the day when your breathing isn’t cold
When your heart isn’t filled with black ink
When you can smile easily again
But for now
You’re filled with cold ink
The kind that fills every area
The kind that takes something you love and covers it
The kind that you try everything to make it go away and sometimes
it turns clear
You can’t see it
But it’s there

The sweetness of your words

The lightness in your voice

The little laughs

The excitement that arrives with the smallest of things

Your smile, the little dimples that appear

Your eyes so full of thoughts, giving a whole new look on whatever you're saying.

The way you can turn something so simple into something beautiful.

How you are so dedicated to the things that make you happy.

Even in the silence, you bring a whole new outlook on something.

It's the little things that I love.

Fancy gowns flitting around swaying to the soft jazz,
stopping to mingle with a glass of wine in hand,
or sitting solemnly at scarlet clothed table.

I sit alone, staring into a glass that helps drown my past.
A hand reaches out,
a smile so soft it's able to make those years fade
the years of pain and loss, the year of the most bitter winter
“come and dance with me”

Crunching snow beneath my feet,
a foggy breath escapes my lips.
I wish to forget.
The air seems colder without you at my side.

You left me to freeze,
to struggle,
to shake and shiver until I was frostbitten

You left me in the snow with nothing

I thought this we could share
that this child was ours to share
but when i cried in the doctor’s office,
you showed no remorse

It was you

The reason I could never be happy in winter
The reason that every time I saw a child I wept
The reason I chose not to love anyone

I grew distant, straining to forget the past but the bruises remained
the love used to be there
you used to be there

but you left me in my own bitter winter

Thoughts.
Unscrambled to tell you what I want,
yet as the words are straining to be free,
I lose them again.

I want you to know.

What is this feeling?
Do you feel it too?

The subtle lingering of those words that are nonchalantly thrown around,
feeling that there is something there

Wondering.
Do you feel it too?

The chance that something could blossom,
but the terror of being renounced bubbled.
It threatened to take the happiness I could gain

I pushed it away.
Do you feel it too?

I reached out and gained a newfound flower
it bloomed strong and caring.
It bloomed freely and beautifully.

Do you feel it too?