I'm just tired. Tired of people assuming. Tired of being tired, of not knowing myself or what I want. Tired of wanting to cry all the time, of not being able to sleep. Tired of my past, of the future that's unknown. I'm tired of my ghosts and all the burdens that I carry. Tired of not liking the way I look, of my personality. Tired of not being a good friend, of not being able to keep friends or even make them. Tired of ******* everything up, of hurting people. I'm tired of being hurt, of feeling pain. Tired of all the lies I keep being told, of being afraid and frightened. Tired of constantly wishing I lived in another life, of coming back to reality after each time I finish a book. Tired of waking up after I sleep, of having crazy dreams that make me want to wake but then fall asleep again so I don't have to deal with everything. I'm so tired. But above everything, I'm just tired of being alone.

I can't help but compare myself
To everybody else
It's just something I do
She's so much prettier
He's so much smarter
And soon it's all I can think
These thoughts circulate in my mind
And I don't think they'll ever leave

I can't stop thinking
about everything and anything
my brain won't shut up
especially when I'm trying to sleep
it's so frustrating
when I'm tossing and turning
thoughts bounce around
and around my head
they keep going in circles
in squares
whatever shape they can
never stopping
never ceasing
always moving
until suddenly it is morning
and my brain shuts down
finally some rest, some peace
for a little while
until my brain gears in again
and starts to think
then the cycle starts over
and suddenly **I can't sleep

Those eyes
            They shone like silver
                               In the pale moonlight
                                                              And still
She walked away

Her heart
           Though hopeless and weak
                             In the cold midnight
                                                             Hurt dreadfully
As she turned away

His gaze
          Burned her back
                            In the damp twilight
                                                            But still
She could not stay

His heart
          Broke into pieces
                          In the bitter dawns light
                                                           Never once more
To be whole again

i read so that i can pretend i don't exist

Sometimes I forget
Just how lonely I am
Then I see a couple
Holding hands
Or best friends
Laughing hysterically
And I'm jolted back
To dark reality
And I remember
I am completely alone

Is it bad that I look at your messages as soon as I get them?
And wait for hours for a reply?
Is it bad that my heart flutters when my phone beeps?
And my smile is always a mile wide?
Is it bad that I'm falling again for you?
Even after I said I was done?
Is it bad that I'm not over you?
And still holding on?
**is it bad?

I'm angry and upset
I can't understand this
What is wrong with people?
Can't we all just get along?
Can't we look past colour
and exist in harmony?
Why does it always end
In gunshots and death?
Where is all the love?
Where is all the hope?
People scared to go out
Children scared to live
This should not be happening
And yet *it is

It scares me that you know
Exactly what I like
You see right though my i'm okay
And all the happy words I write
It scares me that you can
List things that make me laugh
Or the things that make me cry
And always break my heart
It scares me that you know
More about me than I do
And even more than I know
Everything about you
It scares me how much you care
When no one else does
When I am all by myself
With nobody else to love
It scares me how much I need you
To do the things you do
To stay always by my side
And to just be you

It's difficult to pretend I'm okay
When really I'm not
On the inside I'm screaming
And bleeding a lot

The tears are invisible
The pain tearing me apart
But on the outside I am smiling
Like I have a happy heart

It's so hard to act like I'm fine
To seem like it's alright
When my heart is breaking
And I've lost the will to fight

I know it's not real
But it still cuts deep
I still cry for you
And feel everything
I can't help myself
I get pulled into your story
Every single time
And I can't stop myself
So late at night
When I'm crying for you
I tell myself over and over
*it's not real

It's okay
I'm used to it
Being a disappointment
I've become numb
To the pain
That comes with it
It's okay
I'm used to it
Being a useless mess
I've become cold
To the ache
That accompanies it
It's okay
I'm used to it
Even though I shouldn't
I no longer feel
The hurt
That comes each day
*it's okay
i'm used to it

Don't flatter yourself sweetheart
It wasn't all for you, but me
I know it might be hard to get
But the world doesn't spin for you
And not everyone will fall for you
Contrary to belief I matter too
Everything's been about you for so long
I forgot how to love myself
How to live, how to breathe, how to be
So stop pretending I did it for you
I did it for me, all of it was for me

I've watched you fall for girls
over and over again
I watched your heart been broken
and suffer miles of pain

I've always been there
to pick you up when you fall
Been a shoulder to cry on
a companion through it all

Still you carry on drowning
in all these endless tears
And if you don't stop now
You'll carry on through the years

I swore the last time it happened
I'd pull myself away
Walk out the door and say goodbye
never again would I stay

But once again I'm back with you
holding you as you cry
"I'll leave for real next time" I say
but we both know I won't try

I've learnt to distract myself
Because I have found
That when I'm not doing anything
I begin to drown
In all my sorrows and fears
I suffocate, I choke
I feel like I can't breathe
And I begin to lose hope

When the sun has burned out
And the stars are nothing but dust
When the world around us is gone
I will still love you

When the light has faded
And all memory has dissolved
When nothing is left
I will still love you

I will never stop loving you

I will try
For you
To overcome my fears
I will try
Because it was you
Who asked me to

I wish it was me
the one you always talk about
I wish it was me
who was always on your mind

I wish it was you
Who thought of me this way
I wish it was you
so I could finally stay

You asked me why I write these words
Well I can tell you one thing
I don't write for you
Or the strangers that will read them
I write to clear my mind
Get rid of all my thoughts
To dislodge those memories
I have constantly fought
I write to express what I feel
In a calm and collected way
To wipe my slate clean
And erase my bad days
I write to run
To escape
From a world I am sick of
And all the pressures of the day
So no, I don't write for you
Or for the strangers out there
I write for myself
So I don't have to care

did you ever really love me?
or was it all just a game to you?

Why am I so stupid around you
Why do I always say the wrong things
I'm always making a fool out of myself
Always clumsy, always thick

I'm constantly blushing
Always red in the face
It's not a pretty look for me
Or for anyone in that case

My heart races when you come near
My tongue goes thick in my mouth
I can't speak, cant think
I always wish I were somewhere else


Life would be better if it went back to the way it was before
Just friends **nothing more

i'm getting kinda sick of love.......

I love lazy, at home days
With sweatpants and ice cream
Cuddling and watching movies
Doing nothing but being silly
Dancing in the kitchen
Board games in the lounge
Hot chocolate in bed
I love the timeless feeling
With that little bit of sun
But enough chill in the air
To bundle up warm
The fuzzy socks and beanies
Blankets strewn everywhere
I just love lazy, at home days

I can feel myself hardening under your words.
I can feel the softness fading away.
Each time I hear it again.
I'm pulling myself further away.

I'm told to be patient.
I'm told to be kind.
I'm told to be understanding.
And I'm trying.

But why should I try when you don't?

I'm not here to make you feel good about yourself.
And if that's what you are looking for,
Then you are in the wrong place.
For I will live for myself and no one else.

I will not bend over and break under your will.
I will not pretend to be something I'm not.
Instead I will unapologetically be myself.
And if you aren't okay with that,

Then leave.

I've been searching my brain for the right things to say.
I am beyond furious, beyond upset and completely over not doing anything.
On one side of the world, a whole country is on fire.
On the other, cities are under water.
All over the globe we are losing thousands to climate change.
Thousands of people, thousands of animals, thousands of plants.
The only thing our earth has tried to do for us, is sustain us and this is how we repay her?
For all her kindness towards us, we have completely disrespected and hurt her.
We know there are options out there for change.
Ways to live cleaner, more sustainable lives and yet, we continue in our greedy, selfish, hurtful ways.
Ignoring those who stand up for the earth.
Ignoring the routes that will lead us to environmental freedom.
Ignoring the solutions that are ready and available for use.
We are a power hungry society.
Determined to spend our lives the easiest way possible, regardless of the effects it has.
Stop putting your heads in the ground.
Stop pretending everything is okay.
Look around you and see the truth.
Reflect upon your own lives and see where you can make a change and then do it.
Don't just think about it.
Do it.
Create action.
Create change.
At least try.
Because tomorrow could be too late.

If you don't want to hear it, then don't read it.
Don't follow me.
Don't friend me.
Don't listen to me.
But I will continue to raise my voice.
I will scream and shout until my lungs run out of air and my voice has no sound.
Then, I will scream some more.
On their own, it doesn't seem like one person can make much of a difference.
It certainly doesn't feel like it and yet, it's still worth trying.
Because although one on their own seems minuscule, every little piece helps.
We have to start somewhere and soon one may become two or three or more.
Soon change will be in the air and together we will fight for what is right.
Together we will be heard.
Together we will make a difference.

Donate.
Support.
Sign petitions.
Join protests.
Spread awareness.
Live cleaner.
Choose sustainability.
Choose the earth.
Choose yourselves.
Choose to create a life and a world safer for you to live in.

Live with intention.

I lose myself when I walk away from you.

I know.
I'm not supposed to.

I'm meant to be strong and sure.
I'm meant to be brave.
I'm meant to be independent.

And I am.

It's just so much easier with you there.
Right beside me.
Holding my hand.
Lending me strength when I have nothing left to give.

I am independent.
I swear.

Just sometimes I don't want to be.

i just want to be loved
held tight
kept safe in someones warm arms
whispered nothings in the night
kissed, hugged
*loved

i just want to be loved

Maybe I got too used to you
The way you laugh and smile
Maybe I got too used to your voice
The way you whisper in my ear
Maybe I got too used to how you breathe
The steady rise and fall of your chest
Maybe I got too used to your hands
The way they cradle my smaller ones
Maybe I got too used to your heart
The scars and all the secrets it holds
Maybe I just go too used to you
And that's why we fell apart

Me? Really?
That’s the best you can do?
Why think of me when there are
Plenty of other girls out there too

They are prettier and smarter
And better in every way
And yet you say you think of me
Each minute of everyday

I’m insecure and doubtful
In everything I do
And yet you say it’s me
That’s in your head through and through

Your way too good for me
In every single way
Why stoop lower to be with me
And stick to black and grey

You could have any assortment of colours
But you choose the least of them all
I can’t be the one you want
I’ll only cause you to fall

Me? Really?
That’s the best you can do?
Out of all the colours in the world
There are plenty better for you

I only miss your picture
when it's gone
I only miss your smile
when you frown
I only miss your laughter
When your silent
I only miss your light
When it's dim

I don't really realize what I've got until you've left
I don't see you for who you truly are
I ignore you when your here
But when your gone
It's like a piece to my puzzle is missing

It's monday again
and the rain is still falling
just like the tears on my face
rivulets of pain
track my cheeks
and turn my jeans a darker shade

As the week goes by
my eyes will dry
and the pain will go away
then suddenly
it all comes back
and it's monday again

You want to know why I'm always alone? Because I choose to be this way, it's easier like this. I've lived a life of ******* stuff up and hurting people, so it's easier to be alone because then I can only hurt myself. It also makes it easier to push my feelings aside and pretend I don't care. When other people get involved I tend to get to emotional and then I ruin everything. Soon people stop hanging around me and then they stop trusting me. So it's a choice. It's my choice. I choose not to get involved so people remain unhurt and protected from me.

It's four in the morning
And I am all alone
Except for the shadows
That call me home
The darkness is mingling
With the tears that fall
Giving strength to the demons
That await in the hall

There is nothing left
Of this soul of mine
It has broken away
And it's so hard to find
There's nothing left
For me to show
It's been taken away
By my ghosts

You're my new dream
and my happy ending
My fairy tale story
and my new beginning