Lost in thoughts
Circling in my head
Ascending the Stairs
Of Conceptual Treads
Tracing the Logic to
Its final Conclusion
Separating Facts
From illusions
Till lightening
Strikes a photon Wave
Surf Board up I ride
Upon the Crest I stay
Riding the Momentum
of this logical Array
as it Carries me away

I cannot do this any longer. I have tried for so long on my own and found nothing. I finally sought out help after years of secrecy and lies and pretence but still nothing. There is nothing any one can ever do for me because there is nothing left of me and nothing left for me. Who I am or was supposed to be was stolen. They took it. Though the memories were repressed, I always knew there was something different about me. I felt no struggle to fit in with the crowd or have a huge friendship circle. I got on with everyone. I have had insecurities but that is all. As I got older I realised I like being different. I am much happier and I can express myself better. I hate conforming so I never did. I always found a way around it. But long before the insecurities I knew there was something else in me that made me hate who I was. Or rather, hate my life. I guess I have been feeling like this for much longer than I thought. The self-loathing did not occur when I was in high school. Much earlier in fact. Right around the time I was eight years old perhaps. When I told my best friend ‘I hate my life’ and ‘I have a horrible life’. What I did not realise was that it was something other than emotional abuse. Emotional abuse played more of a role in later years but the original cause was something a lot darker. I physically feel sick when I think of this happening to others let alone myself, especially to a child. They prey on you. Take advantage then leave you. Little do they know they have pushed you onto a dark, twisted, thorny path that leads to destruction. Your own mind goes against you. Your own body goes against you. I was not equipped for this battle. I have nothing to armour me. No weapons. No shield. So it is time for me to surrender. I don’t want to be afraid. Rather than continuing forth with this meaningless existence, it is much better if I end it now.




© maria.who

break the habits that are all too familiar

Where would you be
In the next ten years?
In the arms of another?
Or the arms of your lover?

Are you well off the days
going through the maze
of the world painfully
to be reminded shamefully

Of your past mistakes
your shameful response
to that one person
there was no pardon

Lost as we seem
Can't we see ourselves?
In the arms of our enemy.
Shamefully, painfully
Reminded of the past wars
To see as clear as day
That there was nothing to say
But it didn't matter now anyway.

We house a soul
from time to time,
but often find our corridors
left empty.

No house can stay full forever,
lest those filled with zany dreamers
who seek thrill beyond their own
four walls.

Souls do travel
from time to time,
like old visitors who leave tips
on the breakfast table
of their favorite inn,
shortly before seeing themselves off.

Souls may stand
on our back porch while they torch
a cigarette
and quietly ponder on minute,
existential mysteries.

Souls may seek comfort
sprawled at our fireplace
or perched atop a kitchen bar stool,
seeking to feel the comforting
complacency of domesticity.

A soul may find
that cozy comforts are ever elusive,
exceptional to an existence in which
the most stupendous feel bewildered
and insignificant.

Alas, such is the nature of a soul:
from time to time,
a soul might not recognize
its own might.

A soul will fight to find a home
and seek comfort from its peers,
but a soul does not often hear
the invitation to call a place one's own. . .

Home.

We are not souls, we house them
and from time to time,
if we are lucky,
our houses open their doors for more
than just one stray soul
to invite himself in.

If your home can house many
it houses the greatest of things,
above all else:
Love.

You told me this was real,
You told me I was your everything.
You told me I was the thing you were looking for.
You told me I was the one.

You MADE me believe,
That I could be your everything.
That I am everything you wanted and needed.
That I am the one.

Then you made me realized,
I am your nothing.
I am everything you despise.
I am the very thing you hate.
I am the one you loathe.
I am.. not yours.
I am never going to be the one.

The bark would howl,
As your golden fur glittered in the sun.
Sticking out your tongue
To the hot blazing sun.
Your smile meant a thousand more  
And so you went to sky,
To that little doggy heaven
To that place you'll be fine
Where you'll be surely be greeted
By green grasses and more.
I know this is goodbye.
Goodbye, my friend, goodbye.
You'll always be
Part of me and the whole family
Forever to be
My little Yogi

There were nothing left,
As there was nothing to give
Nothing to make nor take.
Would you still break me?
Every last drop of my soul
You have taken it whole
Your friends shared me
You laughed as they take me in
I felt so use that to the point
You broke me, emptied me,

sincerely beer

She swayed to the side,
As their hands intertwined.
Her lips moving,
With no words to be heard.
They moved closer to each other,
Not knowing who will be the first
To make the move.
She touched the face of her lover,
As they went on dancing.
The tears weld up. As they keep on dancing;
No one stops dancing when you've danced with the devil.

I saw myself in the edge of destruction
As where my heart stood
The pain in its eyes grew
As I watch it crawling to the edge

I grab its vein as i felt the blood
Rushing out of itself
It struggles to leap
As i struggle to stay

It screamed at me
Screaming everyone who had killed me
The past who had haunt me
The could have beens that never cAme to be

I lit a cigarette for it to overcome the pain
The smoke that it'll inhale
No one killed it
But me

Sleep Stalks Me, through the day
Hypnotizing Me, in its own way
Nodding Off, in seconds lost
Wasted Moments, lost time, the Cost

Achievements to work through
While I have such things to do.....
The Alarm Goes off, and I sleep through
Burdened by My mind persued.

By the chemicals within my brain
Leaving me feel totally drained
A good night Sleep, I do desire
With Medical Help, I will Aquire


All the Work here is licensed under the Name
®SilverSilkenTongue and the © Property of J.Flack