Today I heard the words
I'd been waiting to hear for 34 days
But they weren't from your lips
and it wasn't your voice
that carried the short string of words to my ear.

Yes, they were beautiful.
but
he's
just
not
you.

and
While I tried to keep my heart
from breaking..
I shattered his.

We sat in your car that night
Til three in the morning
And I remember how soft your
Hair between my fingers was
And how your head in my lap
Felt so perfect as we gazed at the stars.

We spoke softly even though
No one was around to hear.
Your voice is always comforting.
And it's funny in a sad sort of way
How I know you don't want me
As badly as I want you

And last night my lips melted into a boy,
Who only wanted 7 minutes in heaven
But kept my mind in hell the morning after.
And the weeks to follow.
How was I to know that disguises were not just made for high school plays.
How was I to know what exists in sweet brown eyes and golden hair.
My parents warned me about drugs and getting run over by fast paced cars, but never about the addictive  feeling you give me when I think of you and the fast paced beats my heart makes when you lie about loving me. I really wish I could fool myself into believing you just for a kiss longer.

Sometimes I sit in my room and try to cry quietly.
Because that way no one will hear me.
I try to be silent with my tears,
because someone knowing how weak I am seems to be my biggest fear.
But there's also a part of me that wishes they would.
Then maybe someone would care, and help, and make me feel understood.
But since that's so unlikely,
I'll keeping crying quietly,
Hoping no one will notice me.

i bite my nails
and i bite my lips

my room is a mess
and i pick at dead skin

i look in the mirror when i
first wake up
and right before bed

i fall too hard
and i bruise too easily

and i write about boys
who will never love me