I'm stressed and undressed at the foot of your bed.
But you can't hear me from inside your head.
The floor creaks but you don't move even the slightest.
Do you know how much I need you?

I curl slowly into myself and the tears pour.

I'm awake, you're asleep and I'm needing you more,

now than ever before. It's making me feel like a hurricane.

One that sweeps you up and you wouldn't even know it because

You're still sleeping and I'm driving, or wanting to drive to your apartment and press the button to buzz

you awake. Isn't it strange that we hear some things so easily and familiar like an alarm,

but a gut feeling is completely ignored as you lay there sleeping?

And I'm awake.

I torture you
I torture myself
With "I love you"
And "I'm sorry"

But if we were to stop the torture
It would be like the silence at a funeral
Right before the tears spill from the eyes.

I would be found in the coffin
You before me kneeling.

You see, I cannot live without you
So every I love you and every single I'm sorry is how I live.

Live by torture.

I read a book once that told me
"I love you means never having to say you're sorry"
So if I love you so much
And I do so incredibly beyond these words..
How come I feel as if I need to apologize,
Please just let me.
It needs to be said from these lips,
the same ones that have kissed the entirety of you and left bruises on your neck.
Let me use the same voice that whispers I love you, into your ear and the same voice that sings to the radio in the car,

the same voice that has formed hurtful words that furled out of my throat like leftover cigarette smoke when the window is suddenly slammed shut and you can still smell and taste the bitter burning tobacco.
You look at me and you can't stop sighing. I look at you and I can't even see you. Your body to me has broken and I can't pick up the pieces because you won't stop sighing.
I love you means never having to say you're sorry.
I think in my head all the hate and every single sorry I would like to say

But you say sorry first.
It comes out of your mouth burning my insides quickly before the match has even reached the candle. I know before you even say it, turning me into a melted puddle of tears, more hatred, more sorrys.

The body that was once bits has been picked up and built together again and now reaches for the body that is a pool of lifeless clay and holds her hand and molds her back together. He holds her  fragile body and wipes the hot tears that could make her melt again and she mutters:
"I'm sorry."

You always do.
When could I ever get the chance
I'm not allowed to worry about you.
All I want to do.
But I guess that's not right
Letting me take care of you.

I can't seem to sleep anymore
It's because of you
You know that
I imagine the shape  
Of your body beside mine
Warming and unexplainable
The way it feels as I lay
Curled up beside you
But not really.
I'm alone with the empty shape
Of your body beside mine
Cold and explainable
The way it feels as I lay
Because I'm curled up, not beside you
I'm sleeping without you
and I can't seem to sleep anymore.

To go away with you just one day
just one day.
That's all I ask
To have you
and you and only you
To hear your laugh and listen to your thoughts
Be together only us
And go back
Fall on a bed and just sleep
That's all I ask.

It's so hard
seeing couples
In the summer
At the beach swimming
Sharing lunch
Making breakfast for each other
Driving anywhere
Doing anything
When I can't with you.
I spend days thinking of you
Without you and wanting you
Some days we have our moments
Spending limited hours at a time
Calling and talking to you for an hour
Only to have you preoccupied
Lonely. Conversation scattered
You have the chance to see me for a whole day
But you say next month maybe
You won't
Work is more important than me
You say it's not
Do you see me cry when I hang up
the phone?
"I'm just tired" I say.
It's just hard I think
to stay this superficial against what really tugs at me.
Maybe I'm just selfish
You say you can picture me with someone else spending days with him that I could have someone else. How could you say that? They aren't you,
I shiver.
I just want to be alone with you for a day.
It's hard like stone. When the tears pour. I can't think like this.

The moon's still full
it shines so bright
I wish you were with me
Here, tonight
To fall asleep with
And hold me tight
Until those golden eyes close
To say goodnight

I'll heal your pain
Make you feel right
Always I'll be your guiding light.

To see you
Next to me under the covers,
Breathing sweetly beside me
I must be dreaming.
Your eyes are closed gently
Chest rises and falls nicely.
I wonder what goes on behind those eyelids.
All of that worry and frustration can't interrupt you now.
My fingers trace your skin
Like soft snowflakes falling.
You are so amazing.
Your body is warm
Just for me.
I fit in right here
So perfectly.
The happiest girl
I am
Just to see you
Sleeping with me.

Let's sit here awhile
Talk about the past
Dream of the path
I need life balanced

More importantly I need you

When my head is full
Of things unsaid
My bed is empty
Eye won't close

The visuals and memories in these lids

Until I'm with you
Walking with locked arms
Dancing for no one
But ourselves

Raining down on each other.

We fell asleep together,
I asked before:
"Is it safe here?"
"Safe in my arms."
And I felt the protection
from the warmth of your body
around me.

I woke up
to a note on your pillow:
I watched you sleep,
I love you.
Be back soon.
I was in an apartment,
your apartment.

I got up from the covers
peeked in your dresser drawer
tucked in the corner was
my pink underwear,
my book of short stories
next to your 3/4 sleeve shirts.
Down the hall in the bathroom
I found my toothbrush.
In the kitchen
chai tea.
The living room
a sketchbook and pencil.
Mine
in your apartment.

What a shame
you never came home
to me.
So I woke right up
when I realized it was a bad dream.

We'll drive
Stare out the window
And sing
to each other
Eat terrible food
and laugh
with one another
Gallivant around antique shops
and dream
of life together.

We'll reach the final destination
throw our suitcases
on the bed of our
cheap motel
and kiss passionately
wherever.

I sit here
cold.
All I want
is to be wrapped up in you.
To close my eyes
and feel your hands
around me
The warmth of your skin
draped over me
Our legs intertwined
like pretzels
Twisted in ways
that only feel right
to us.
The moment we sit in
has no time.
There is no limit to how long
we sit as one.
So our lips touch
and instantly we are moved
Tingling erupts through me
Our eyes gaze at each other
through everything
In a second.
We long for the other one
The touch
feeling
love
To keep us in a moment timeless.
So I sit here
Longing for you
Until I can't stand it
anymore.