I have become
What I fear most
A
Monster

'Fake it till you make it', I'm told
As I tremble under the weight of fear
It's a warm statement, yet one so cold
What do I fake if nothing's clear?

“You have to move, get up.”
“I don’t want to.”
“This is sad you need to get over yourself.”
“I’m broken, and I don’t think I can be fixed.”
“Then fake it. Get up and put on a smile.”
“It hurts too much; I just want to cry.”
“No crying! It’s not worth it.”
“But I just can’t let go…”
“You have to move on. It’s the only way.”
“Please, all I want is five minutes to let it all out.”
“You’re pathetic. Fine. Five minutes.”
“Thank you,” said the heart.
“You’re welcome,” said the mind.
And the heart and mind cried together.
Just for five minutes.

Stupid little children come here to die
And stupid little children cry
Stupid little children stall for time
Stupid little child of mine

Stupid little children let the mirror tell them lies
Stupid little children jump and don't fly
Stupid little children's smiles reach their eyes
Stupid little child is hurting inside

Stupid little children are ready but so scared
Stupid little children waiting for someone to appear
Stupid little children can't shake the fear
Stupid little children so far but so near

Stupid little children scrubbing their eyes
Stupid little children so stupidly wise
Stupid little children so sick of life
Stupid little child of mine

Stupid little children no one understands
Stupid little children waiting for a helping hand
Stupid little children sinking in the sand
Stupid little children can't find land

Stupid little children
Stupid child of mine
Stupid little children
I'm one of their kind

I taught myself to believe
That you were better than that
That you were not the guy everyone told me you were

I taught myself to believe
That you're mistakes were not the usual you
That you were actually really nice

I taught myself to believe
That you were a genuine boy
And when push came to shove, you cared about me

I taught myself to believe
That you were perfect
And that everything would be wonderful if I could call you mine

But after all that teaching
I learned that I was wrong