There is a ghost in your voice
Haunting me through the silence



Through every droplet of memory
Dotting my otherwise starless night

I tried to gather them
With my words, my fear, my soul
And yet they remain forever bond
To a place I cannot reach
A being I cannot see
And a love I can never hear

Your flowering existence sheds invisible petals
I seem to be able to find
Yet, I'm ever uncertain
All these pieces of your soul
Did you left them for me to find
A breadcrumb trail leading only
To a chance in the future
To an uncertain promise
Or did I just stole the traces
Of your existence you left for the universe
Claiming them as something I could own

Should I keep them or scatter them

Or are they even yours
Could it be that they are the pieces of my soul
Still clinging on to you
That you're finally shedding away
To be complete on your own

What could I do
Standing in pieces
Holding someone's soul
That may or may not be my own
If they weren't
I'd still be missing all the chunks I've given to you
If they were
I'd still be empty
Because
I'm forever hollow without you

a yellow rose winds to the skies,
blossoming, letting soft petals fall to
the cidery earth, blushing in
the caverns of the sweet-flowering day,

inspired like the greek
sun-god helios but
drawn out of rhododendron
and apple, drawn out of love.

a thousand years of summer,
the wolf, the thin mouth of sky,
a diamond bumble bee, the
gifts of a stolen sun,

shaken out like a rattle snake,
the broken angles of death,
the lost side of each word,
with all its intentions and promises -

fallen to the floor, like an apple,
or a blind mole loving
the soil, the dry earth,
the faded parchment sun,

or a rock of ice, in a tangy glass,
where the summer sun
grows roots and shoots,
shadow domes and leafy golden skies.

she asked him
'why is it
that i have yet to know a poet
who doesn't hold a bottle
the same way he holds his pen'

he replied simply
'darling
a poet's hands are weary
so he must find some way
to ease the weight of his words'


x.

do i believe in god?
i’m afraid i do not have an answer to that,
it’s hard to believe when all you see is this world’s cruelty.
but if they have seen the things i’ve seen
and experienced what in this world has been,
then god’s eyes must be just as tired,
just as sad,
just as done as me.

— what do you believe?

I am terribly near sighted
Consciously and subconsciously
I see not what I have saw
And
I hear not what I have heard
Sometimes,
In fact most of the time,
I don’t even feel
What I should have felt

But the mirror of life
It keeps a record of every little thing
And I relive in my dreams
All that I have missed

And much much more:

All I ever need
Is just a little hint of life:

Your lovely little smile
I failed to respond to during the day
Would haunt me
With what would seem like
A whole lifetime of sweet champagne
And
Kisses of cherries and grapes
With a scent of longing that
Fills me to the core with
Twinges that burst throughout
My entire being
Shining brightly from
Every single particle of my
Soul

The little chirps and calls of crickets
That alternate between the oblivious
Moon upon a bed of restless stars
And the wizened sun
Would always take me to a land
Unlived, untouched, unruined
A vast nonexistence
A vast ruin full of life
Where I have never been so alone
Yet so fulfilled, so joyful, and so
Free

And

The dreamless gale that
Would raise me up to mountains
From which I can finally gaze down
With sure and confident eyes
Upon the whole of life
And
See, sense, and feel
Every scenery and every being
With the purest of colours
Rowing down the crimson rivers
In a canary boat caressed by
A forest of ocean blue sequoias
Blanketed with a soup of
Violet stars
Into the heart of the universe

Where everything that have lived
Or could have lived
Never went away

Where nothing is ever gone
But just lost
So momentarily
Like a wandering child
Let out into the world
Seemingly defenselessly
Yet, perfectly safe
Under the hidden watch of
The mother

Where everything I love
Love me just as much
And so much more

Where I am never just me
But a child
A poet
A painter
A musician
An ancient pilgrim

Where I can fall into stars
And float up to the edge
Of the sky
Swim in the air without my feet
Ever touching the ground

Where I am finally
Held by you
The one person
I love most unyieldingly
In a death grip of never letting go.

I have returned
To the land of the living
After all life have perished
To see all traces of existence
Time and space, gravity and love
Without the restriction of our limited vision
To see the imprints of our touch and impressions
Laid out in front of me in its infinite and eternal presence
Every interaction, attraction, mutual and unrequited
Left its mark, like the trails of a snail
Now visible to me in perfect clarity

I could have ran to the beginning
And walked through every moment to the end
Seen life for what it truly was for all creations

Yet, all I wanted
Coming back at the end of time
When time cease to exist
When every being, every moment
Will never again cease to exist or change
Was to find that thread
Between us
And see whether it was connected
At the very moment of sight
When I saw you for the very first time
And ever since
Tugged and pulled
At every hint of longing
Transforming me with sculpting pain and tears
And tore away my fears

And see that it was never just my hopeful Imaginations and creations of the mind
That the threads of every twinge
Every pull of my soul
Had been there
Always there
Still there
True and real
Between every you and me

Gently, she goes
as soft as a fawn
opens the window
and waits for the dawn
fireflies glow
wind caresses her face
as she sheds all the shadows
not leaving a trace
She dons velvet darkness
wrapped in its cloak
releases all poisons,
                 sylphlike,
             in smoke
She is preparing for battle
in her own, quiet way
She only wants wholeness
as she breaks through the gray
For soon she will weave
prismatic wonders of spells
her own inner aurora
lighting heaven from hell
For suffered she has
and it's time to forgive
unlock self-made prisons
and let herself live
and now as sunrise approaches
stars still in sight
she turns the skeleton key
and glides
into
             flight

I woke up in the middle of the sea
With the helm in my hands and
The vast emptiness in front of me
Every star has left me
I can only follow the moonlight
To find any familiarity

In a moment’s slumber
I seem to have been pulled into a maelstrom
A pit of pure darkness
Yet I saw all the stars
Like fireflies hiding in the
Shadows of the woods
I followed my wizened self
Through the nebulas and
Fell back into my childhood

I am within
Every field of wild grass
Every flash of light cast
Every flower and every lighthouse
Every shadow that flies past

The little feet both soft and callous
Like hummingbirds within leaves and twigs
Inexperienced and fearless
Hide within the isolated and timeless Garden of Love
To savor happily all the milk and honey

I morph myself within every being
From every cocoon to every soaring lark
And every star
I am the shadow of the night
And the colorless moon
Every traceless wind
And
Every unmarked storm

I am within every mirror
Every candlelight
Every reflection within your eyes
The untouchable dream
Within every tale through time

I place myself within everything
Only for that unexpected moment
Silent and speechless
Yet our souls echoing loudly through every breath
When I meet you again and again for the very first time.

They say I'm away with the fairies
That's what they said  to me
Looking back in retrospect
It would be a lie to disagree.
My lawn is filled with garden gnomes
And rabbits that are made from clay
And children's books within my home
I have had them from my early days.
I hate to face reality a very sad place to be
I would rather read my Rupert book
With mad proffessers  And philosophy's.
So please come around  And take a look
You may like just what you see
A world with Alice in wonderland
Such a wonderful world off glee.
But this planet is not a fairy tale
And no place of make believe
When they say your away with the fairies
Take no notice then just agree.

You spend your nights tossing and turning on your creaky bed
You hug your demons like a teddy bear
You try to hush your cries for sometime
But still a tear or two escape from your eyes
You attempt to think about the old happy times
But you can't evade the darkness that surrounds you
Sleep has abandoned you like your lost love
And all you do is stare at the ceiling above
You are broken tormented and terrified
In a vicious circle of emptiness and sufferings
You crave for the warmth of your lover's arms
But all you get is the coldness of your bed
For tonight, my friend let the moon be our messenger
Through it lets talk about our broken hearts, lost love and shattered dreams
Let's talk about the pain that clouds our eyes
Let's share the warm hugs of kindness
Amidst this pain, let's not forget that we are warriors
Souls who refuse to give in
We'll fight against our demons like the warriors we are
We'll rise above this world once and for all

In life it seems we are
ultimately powerless in our struggle.
Death is not the end..
it is merely a transition.
Perhaps a long awaited freedom.
Far from the gruelling and meaningless
constraints of mortal existence.