Every day I give up a little bit more.
I see the end so certainly.
There's nothing else to really live for.
It becomes easier to let go,
As I sit here alone
Writing about what I've wanted
And being worn of wanting more.
                                                           ­           Every day it gets a little easier
                                                          ­             To take another step forward.
                                                  Whethe­r or not I fall apart the later night,
                                                          ­           I still got through another day.
                                                            ­        I walk into a direction in which
                                                           ­                                 I can be proud of.
                                                             ­                 I have so much to live for.
                                                                   I've to keep opening new doors.
But I can't go without;
I can't lose it all again.
The pain is too much and it feels as if
I'd rather have nothing at all,
But the silence of death.
I would die where no one could see;
No one could know.
                                                  Every day I find love for the littler things.
                                            I appreciate so much more than I had before.
                                                         ­              I find brilliance in your smile.
                                                          ­   And I find motivation in your fight.
                                                          ­                 And inspiration in my soul,
                                                           ­                      So I keep taking control
                                                                ­            Of what I know I could be.
The world grows blacker every day.
People feel further and further away.
I used to belong--
I thought I did, anyway.
I never did though, and I know this the most.
I just wish I had chosen a better path so, so long ago.
Because people will not choose for you,
And it's okay if I go it alone.
                                                          ­       The sunrise still wakes me gently
                                                         And the small sound of your tugging.
                                                        ­                   I raise to a voice calling me.
                                                             ­                   When I go to it, I belong.
                                                         ­ Then I see the people around me too.
                                                         They've been waving this whole time.
                                                           ­         I didn't think it'd be so easy for
                                                                ­ The sleep to break from my eyes.
But the nights are the blackest of all.
I hear nothing but my thoughts.
They shake my shoulders violently.
They tell me, "Nothing is true
Nothing is sacred
Nothing is here for you."
And I am not here for anything.
The nightmares follow just the same.
                                                           ­              The morning still follows;
                                                        ­                      The sun will still come.
There is no love in those mornings,
But I am still here.
                                                           ­              The morning still follows.
But it does not matter anymore.
I can't be anything than what I am.
I cannot try anymore.
                                                        ­             But the morning still follows...
                                                      ­                                  And I am still here.

Migrative bird is I
     Moving, crossing fields of
Optimism, pessimism and dreamism
     The lands where all visit.
Holy Shrine are these
     Where the purgatory fire is
Flowered at the entrance
      To make a screening of thoughts.
Travelogue written in languages
      Multiple to human brain but
Monoslang to the mind
      Of owner of the impure soul.
Wisheth to back up the resign
      Valedicting my sins and
Thoughts of confusion of innocence
      Perplexing What I Am!

The closest I ever feel
to anything
is to the words I write.
When I am a million leagues
into the depths,
and there is nothing,
nothing to do
but carve these letters
into the floor.
No,
nothing.
Nothing more.
Words ring hollow,
and melodies fall flat,
prayers (un)heard,
another test.
This too will pass,
but while it stays,
while it tarries,
black is bequeathed behind
my eyes
my mind is marred
in manic peril
and I carve these words
into the floor
one more time
one more time
once more.

And the snow was melting from the hills;
Green was glowing down in the north pasture;
Crocuses were bucking a hard west wind;
Calving was swinging on, and spring barns to muck,
And you were yelling about some thing or other,
The way you always do, or the way you always did,
Back in the day when you were here,
And I was just a lazy kid.

Dad, you remain somehow this giant in my mind,
Sleeping or waking,
I see you still,
Hear your voice,
Watch you running
One job to the next,
Passionate about everything,
Restless and without rest,
Some nameless demon chasing you,
Pulling the rest of us in your wake.

So the last three nights I've seen you,
Sat at table across from you
To discuss my leaving the farm:
You concerned I was a fool to go,
And I convinced I could not stay.

I wish I knew the hold you have on me
Six years gone with you away, and me,
Two states removed and a career nearly done,
Still finding myself waking from dreams
That linger vivid on.

i used to climb the tallest tree
just to leave behind the ground
sing as loud as i could breathe
about the shapes of passing clouds

mum would haller up to the heavens:
             "STOP IT !"
... "they’ll think you’re Mad!"

... whoever  "they"   were  (?)!
    i naively pondered thence  ―

    now,     the tree is gone,
       "they" chopped  it  
         all the way down
to memories and decomposing roots

    but i still see life unspool
    in the silent shapes of clouds

                    and
  hear the birds sing sweetly
     without a single word


☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☼  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁
                   jesse

I found a red door
I've never seen before
I followed until the dawn awoke
we all unlock to become then not
What a place dark and subtle
whispers chanting harsh and little
a small smile I sank into
within a space I thought I knew
I'm not all there, I must confess
Flames for Breakfast?
Everyday I rise with the rest
and smoke a unlit cigarette
out of this place I'll soon forget
I'll fly away, too soon to nest

We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to learn what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love

We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away

When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from

We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we believe
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you

And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love