I said you were a weakness
I said you were a drug
And you could cure a lifetime of sadness with one of your hugs
I said that you were different
I said you understood
But now I see, you never could
I said that you were truthful
You said you wouldn't let go
But even with that promise
I feel you drifting farther so
I fear that I must go
I don't do little heartbreaks
I do full on emotional lakes
so I take back what I said
every single word
I can move on within time
I'm independent
I'm self assured
Haven't you heard?

I want you to hurt, the same way I did,
I want someone who means everything to you,
to destroy everything you have,
burn down everything you've worked for
like you did to me.

And at the same time,

I never want you to hurt a day in your life.

I do love life.
I believe there are so many beautiful things out there.
Like dust in the sunlight,
wildflowers by the sidewalk
or that boy with the dark hair on the train, yesterday.
Children laughing,
people holding doors for others,
saturday mornings.
Life is beautiful.
I just wish
that I
was one of those beautiful things.

NO ONE WILL LOVE ME AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY I GOT INVITED TO A PARTY BUT I'M NOT GOING TO GO BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO ME BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE FRIENDS IF I DON'T PUT MYSELF OUT THERE BUT MAYBE THEY DON'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND AND I'M NOT PRETTY AND NO ONE WILL LOVE ME AND NOTHING WILL EVER  OKAY MY ART IS SUCKY MY POEMS ARE ****** AND I FAILED ALGEBRA 2 I'M PROBABLY THE LEAST EXTRAORDINARY HUMAN BEING TO EVER LIVE AND I WON'T GRADUATE WITH HONORS LIKE MY BROTHER AND  NO ONE WILL LOVE ME AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY MY DAD'S EYES LOOKS SAD AND MY MOM'S MOUTH SPEAKS SAD WORDS AND THERE'S BILLS TO PAY AND EMPTINESS IN OUR HEARTS AND WHY ARE THERE SO MANY INJUSTICES WHY ARE THE GOOD PEOPLE SO SAD AND OH MY GOD WHY CANT I BREATHE ANYMORE WHY AM I BROKEN WHY DOES NOTHING SEEM TO BE RIGHT AND I JUST WANT TO BREATHE AGAIN
I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED I JUST WANTS THINGS TO BE OKAY

She reads
                                          And she sleeps
                                                      Way too much
                                                            ­           It's her coping defence
                                                                ­               When nothing else will suffice
                                                         ­               She needs to get away
                                                       Without actually leaving
                                             Because she's too scared
                                   And too tired
                                            To leave her bed
                                                      So she cracks open a book
                                                            ­     To escape somewhere far away
                                                            ­             And she'll sob for the characters
                                                      ­                       Whose brokenness resembles hers
                                                            ­                                   And then she'll sleep
                                                           ­                                   And have sweet dreams
                                                          ­              Of realities that are not her own
                                                       Because pretending is so much easier
                                                 Than facing reality
                             So she'll sleep and dream
          And secretly wish she won't wake up
So she can finally escape

I'm so scared of the day when the future that I'm so terrified of
Is no longer the future