i am scared
you will tire
of hearing
me say
'i love
you'

sometimes, you can't feel the sunshine and you can't see the flowers and there could be a fire roasting on open coals inches from your hands and you could still not sense its warmth. sometimes you just can't help it and ******* im so ******* sorry that you're telling me you love me and i cannot feel it.
i'm living in a fog and it's not lifting, all i can see are the headlights that are all coming at me, all approaching rapidly.
i skinned my knee but it doesn't really hurt. you left me for her but it really could be worse. all i know is i'm alone in this big empty world. sometimes the sun is shining but you cannot see it. do not scold a blind man for just not seeing. do not fault a boat for being rocked by the water.
sometimes it's all one can do to not be pulled under
i promise i'm trying to swim but i fear i am more a rock than a fish; meant less for the water and more for the ground

If you're not the architect
Then you're the demolisher, right?
But what if you're both?
I'm both.


I will build you up high like the worlds greatest skyscraper
And you'll touch God's face and whisper in his ear
Thanking him.
I'll paint you better than Michelangelo would ever
And I'll only place in your interior
The finest jewels and gems.
But then I'll tear you down,
Smash you with a wrecking ball.
Spend years tearing down every wall
Only to leave you with nothing but a foundation,
A cement bottom and empty wooden posts.

I will destroy you without ever meaning to
Because I'm venomous and unaware of it.
I'll leave golden specks in your mind
But bruises on your soul,
I'll make your heart beat
And then I'll tear it apart.
I'm a playful king cobra and I don't know my own strength,
I'll nibble your ear and then release my kiss of death.
I bet you've always wondered why they name natural disasters after people,
And I swear to god after meeting me you'll know.

Step 1) Speak any language you want.
Helpful Tip: When men die, it doesn't matter what language they speak because all screams sound the same.

Step 2) Worship any god you please.
Helpful Tip: When men die, it doesn't matter what god supported them because all men fall the same.

Step 3) Pull the trigger.

Step 4) Win the war.

Step 5) Lose your soul.

Step 6) Let time pass you by.

Step 7) Forget the lessons history taught you.

Step 8) Repeat.

It amazes me how people just...lose each other.
Every day.
Carelessly, as if it's...
Doing the laundry or making lunch.
It absolutely stuns me how people can just adjust to suddenly being cut off from somebody else.
Breakups, the ends of friendships,
They...happen.
To everyone.
To everyone on earth, and I don't understand how people just keep going.
Just live their lives as if they haven't lived them in tandem with another person for...years.
As if they haven't laughed, cried,
Shared secrets and dreams,
Spent countless hours with
This whole incredible other being, who is suddenly just...
Gone.
There's not a word for how I feel, thinking that people just go on, knowing that this person they loved and treasured,
Kissed and connected with,
That this person will grow old and die someday.
How do you face that thought every day?
That they will finish their days somewhere far away, somewhere completely different,
With a family or children that you'll never meet.
With lines on their face that you'll never see touch it gradually.
With stories and joys and traumas that you
Will never hear about.
With memories that you aren't a part of.
And they'll be lost to you. And you just...
You just throw that away, as if it's ordinary.
As if it's... easy.
People just cut their ties so **** carelessly.
Watching them... Mystified doesn't cover it.
Confused. Befuddled. Dismayed. Bewildered...
Betrayed.
There isn't a word. None of these come even close.
Thinking of it, I feel the way I feel when I pass the corpse of an animal on the highway
When I hear about a dear friend whose father has just died,
When I remember how many people on earth starve to death every day.
Me, the sculptor of words,
Always with a way to try and bridge the gap of empathy,
I have no word for it.
For how utterly I do not understand the human ability to
Write off someone you love.
I've tried every single one I know
And none rings as hollow as the feeling of remembering
That people lose each other without dying.
I've turned it over in my mind
Buffeted it with adjectives
Prodded it with metaphors
Trying to find a word that approaches how it feels to realize this
But the only one
I ever end up at is
*"Why?"

like any
narrator,
i'm obsessed
with being
some one
else.

Break down the mirror, and break me down
brains in my hair and teeth at my wrists,
she said fourteen caps of alprazolam gave her all she needed
she needs a new world, a new earth, a new ruler, that's what she needed-
I told you it wasn't meant to be this way, i was meant to be the prettiest
but girls with thickened veins and thickened wrists are destined for the bridge edge
My silver smiler body double told me to cut out the poison in my veins
and guess what I did it I did it I did it again
tell them your name, dysmorphia, tell them all what you think of me -
start the car and run me over, honey.

I used to say thay if there was a god, he must be an *******. But...
This isn't the work of an *******.
This is the work of something much more dangerous.
This is the work of something with good intentions,
That thinks it can mold things for the best.
The people who destroy the most in this world aren't the evil, or the *******,
They are the idealists who grow too faithful in their ideas
And start doing things "for the greater good".
God isn't an *******.
God is a child.
And he never learns.
And we pay.