This is my family
splayed out like a fox
caught in the headlights of a
passing car, all brown fur
& wandering teeth,
dried up & tossed on a lonely street.
Left behind unaware of
the wreckage caused,
the family bereft of a sister
 & daughter so loved.
That's what I see from the clouds,
from my imagined suicide.
I see a lost family
trying not to stare at a
huge empty chair.
A Christmas table now a shadow,
not a celebration but a day to fear
& that stops any thoughts I
might have about trying to
disappear.

I tried to fit in
I tried to be responsible
I tried to do what had to be done to make a living
And all the trying brings me to a phone call asking
to let me walk out the most painless way possible
I tried too ******* hard

One eye open , in the pill box , tantamount to tugging on Mothers robe , trigging yet needing recognition , laying down suppressive fire for the entire division , marching through enemy lines , planes at treetop level make the ground shudder , Rottweiler at my bed won't leave me be , shadows growing larger , R.E.M. sleep . Both eyes open , panning into the tree line , five pills to choke down , a long days travel , trying to make it  until Noon , meet the combat medic , pick up fresh chemical to cure a soldiers blues .. Across the water a heron monitors the surface , hours on end without movement , stoic and proud or frozen with fear just like me !

the sea and its ghosts,
water falling,
clouds like peaceful
monasteries,
somewhere beyond.

I

THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE FUTURE, THAT I HATE TO SEE
OH IF I, COULD ONLY STOP THE TIME
IF I, COULD ONLY READ YOUR MIND
HONESTLY, I'M AFRAID GIRL

II

THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WIND, THAT I HATE TO FEEL
OH IF I, COULD ONLY CHANGE YOUR MIND
IF I, COULD ONLY LEARN TO FIGHT
GIRL WE DON'T HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE

...chorus...

I LOVE YOU... YOU KNOW
I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE
I LOVE YOU... YOU KNOW
I WANT YOU FOREVER BY MY SIDE
IF ONLY I COULD GIRL

III

THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY EYES THAT I CAN'T HIDE
GIRL I, CAN'T STOP THE RAIN IN THE SKY
GIRL I, CAN'T STOP THE PAIN INSIDE
I WANT YOU TO KNOW GIRL

...chorus 2...

I LOVE YOU... YOU KNOW
KEPT THIS WORDS OF MINE
I LOVE YOU... YOU KNOW
I CAN WAIT FOR THE RIGHT TIME
I PROMISE YOU GIRL


I LOVE YOU... YOU KNOW
I LOVE YOU... YOU KNOW


Written: April, 2002

Myrsterious Aries

WHY?

Why is love lost
more poignant than love kept
and linger longer in the heart
when there's nothing left

but the haunt of painful memories
and so many a regret? caught
by hopes crushed and joys stolen
what would be the bereft lover's thought?

no wonder love is bitter- sweet
though it might end in nought
' Our sweetest songs are those
that tell of saddest thought'

so wrote Shelley in his
'Ode To The Skylark'
young lovers be warned
to the great bard's words you should hark.

I want so badly to feel
not just know
the life living within me.

Cells of my heart,
what makes you stay
and stick
and love
in such efficient harmony?
What are the series of
coincidences
constructed into miracles
by some invisible hand
to let you be?
What are you, how are you?
To drop and fall into one -
pulse-
compelling me, luring me
to breathe, breathe
even under the anaesthetic of sleep.

I crave to know
how my body cups my soul
in a mirrored glass and not
a casket
or cage, if I wish.

And why the soul cries
even so,
so

I speak
to the ever and ever lying beyond the sky.
I ask

Please?

Dreams break and lines break
but don't let
my heart break

into me.
It is living.

And I don't yet know
what that means.

i loved you the way
i believed summer
would melt,
fell into your arms
the way i could only
ever fall with you.

I did my best and
shared with you my smile
I made you laugh, you made me care
I put on a mask for you to see-
Life's gonna be better for you and me.

Every now and then,
you shed your skin
Firing darts right through me
Doesn't that make you grin?

My happiness is a lie
But I try not to show it
I'll take you to my world
Open your heart, you won't regret it

But don't bring back the past
Please pull me away
Leave or just stay
I won't care anymore~~
And the memory perishes

It was a long time ago.

My heart elevated once,
Synchronizing with your heart beat,
Enveloped and engraved in the fullest,
With each beat my heart would race,
Indeed.

Once the gushing emotions reached their peak,
You left me on the verge to decease,
Shattered mentally and emotionally,
Like an ashen or crumpled piece,
Never mind thee.

You were born to dance
run free in the wind
don't tie yourself
you shouldn't get stuck in one place

This kite
is not a dancer
it barely noticed the wind
for many many years

The kite is stuck
******* on a lamp post
cold and lonely
but scared to let go

Kite, cut yourself free
let the next breeze
lift you high
and let you be you