Hug big...hug good
I know you'd hug me everyday if you could
I missed our hug
Whole body hug
A not just anybody hug
A somebody loved hug
A wide open hug
A tops of your fingers to my toes hug
I needed a hug
I missed your hug
I would hug you everyday if I could.

Yes
He said
I miss
Your kiss.
I can't dismiss
Your touch,
I miss so much.
My words dancing
On your tongue
He said.
The kiss I miss,
The thoughts
I can't dismiss.
Fizzes in my brain
Do you feel the same?
He said
Yes
she said,
With bated breath.
I miss the kiss
I can't dismiss
Your touch
I miss so much.
Will you
Take your kiss
Place it on my lips
That miss your touch
So much?

Rub noses
Wriggle toes
Blush a little
Giggle more
Hold hands
Eyes lock
Look down
Get closer
Blush a little
Giggle more
Fingers touch
Deep breath
Lips touch
Tongue tingles
Heart pounds
Blush a little
Giggle more
First kiss
Any more?

I saw you walking down the road
Yes you
with your crumpled shirt and your dishevelled hair
Hurrying scurrying wearing a blank look and vacant stare
Yes you
I saw you running then stop when you noticed me
You thought it was too early for anyone but the birds to see
Yes you
With the sleep in your red rimmed eyes
Checking your watch as the seconds fly by
Yes you
With the taste of yesterday still on your skin
Thinking just another few steps to sneak back in
I saw you walking down the road
Yes you
Head bowed with your fringe covering your face
A few more yards to turn the key to the safety of your own place
You didn't see me walking towards you
Yes me
You didn't expect to find me waiting so soon
You thought a little sleep then much later on this afternoon
Yes me
The one whose there waiting patiently
The one you know is there but you don't always see
Yes me
The one you ran into so early today
Perhaps now it's time for you to listen to what I have to say
Yes you
As you walk up the stairs to the stillness of your own bed
Yes me
If you listen to your heart as well as your head
A perfect peace you may find instead
Yes me
Next time you bump into me look me in the eye and smile
For I am your conscious...I'll be here for a while.

And you lied
And lied
And I believed
Your words to be true
I thought
I thought I knew you
Yes you
With the open face
The bare face
Then you lied
And lied
And I believed
Those beautiful words
How could you not
Want to live them
Breathe them
Give them to me
Unconditionally
Then you lied
And lied
And I believed
Didn't you think
Think as they left your head
Danced on your tongue
That they would cut
Cut like a knife
Did it feel like butter
That wouldn't melt
On your tongue
Then you lied
And lied
And I believed
Was that smile
An honest smile
Upon your lips
The sparkle in your eye
A sight to behold
Was it a game
Were you teasing me
Instead of pleasing me
And then you lied
And lied
And I believed
Did you taunt me
Your words haunt me
How could you stand there
Stand and make me understand
I listened
Put yourself in my position
And then you lied
And lied
And I don't believe
In your contrition

That kiss
Yes that kiss...
Where words danced
On reddened lips
Then skipped over tongues
That kiss
Yes that kiss...
When whispers combined  
Then slipped down and touched hearts
That kiss
Yes that kiss
That made skin stand to attention
Then sighed sentences of hope
That kiss
Yes that kiss
That made you forget
That the rest of the world exists

Motherless rudderless
There is no one to steer this boat.
We are still anchored in the past
Exactly where she dropped it.
Moss grows old
Rust corrodes
But time doesn't erode

No skin on which to place my lips,
No hands to rest upon your hips,
No legs to walk towards me,
No ear to hear your whispers,
No hair to wind around your hands,
No feet with which to step on your toes ,
No mouth to kiss me on the nose,
No waist to wrap your arms around,
No spine to run my fingers down,
No neck for me to rest my face,
No elbows to brush your thighs,
No face to see my smiling eyes.
But what I have are memories in my head,
Of everything you have ever said.

One day when the moon is high,
When all the stars are aligned in the sky,
When you don't have to worry or even try,
You will have the chance to come fly.
Till then, dream of me, smile and sigh.

Thank you to all the mothers who have gone before.
Whispers from the past,
Echoes reaching into the future.
Wrap your arms around this daughter.
I am still learning not to fall.
Sit down in her shade.
Let the branches of the family tree
Protect and shelter us
Each and every day.

Maeve the brave

Descended from a long line of strong women
Rooted in the wild beauty running through her ancestors homeland
You can't help smiling as you despair
When you are awoken at some ungodly hour
This otherworldly being with a halo of golden hair... a breath of fresh air
Can't but help imagine the smile on the faces of the mothers who have gone before
She walks with the confidence and
Self belief of one who knows exactly why she is here
You can't help smiling as you despair
When you are awoken at some ungodly hour
She isn't just here...she grabs life roughly in both hands
Shakes the living day lights out of every day
A true warrior in all her glorious Colours,moods and textures
She makes you believe in a magical world where the impossible becomes possible
So when she wakes you at some ungodly hour smile and take heart
For you are in for an interesting day
With the savage beauty called Maeve

Clothes constrain
Skin contains
The insides I wear on the outside
You don't have to scratch the surface
To find hidden meanings
To catch a glimpse of passion
To see my blood reaching boiling point
You don't have to dig your nails in
To reach through the seven layers
To hear the whispers written on my bones
Scriptures ooze from the ruptures
Lush red tastes of rusted words
Skin the binds
Skin that hides
Stretches over my memories
I wear the patchwork quilt of history
Of the mothers and fathers who have gone before
Sewn together with the glorious stories of yesterday
Stitched with the future's threads
The hopes and dreams of the generations yet to be
My heart, my soul, my skin, my home

Can you hear me smiling?
Can you touch my kiss?
Can you see me talking?
Can you smell my thoughts?
Can you taste me dreaming?
I think you missed the best of me

When I look at the photograph of you on your wedding day,
I can see all of us stretched out into the future.
As we lay your bones to rest under the earth you enriched,
Where your feet touched,
where you played as a child,
then Walked hand in hand with your soul mate.
Could you have imagined that photograph standing guard?
Proud and watchful over all of us yet to be born.
This family tree spreading it's branches.
New life now and the past yet to come.
Rest in peace you are not forgotten
by us to be.
Remembered in the feet that walk past your image today.
Did you ever imagine who lay ahead
in the smile on your wedding day?

So today is the day.
I played my part
Here I stand
I want to count
The die is cast
An anxious wait
I marked the spot
I passed the test
Remembered
How to spell X

The sea sighs emotion
Takes the pain away
Leaves a slice of peace
Erodes part of yesterday

Emotional baggage
Left luggage.
Why claim it?
Or name it.
No shame in it.
It's not you, it's me...
No it's not me, it's you...
But then again...
Confusing it's it?
Do you mind?
Mind what you say
Carry on...
Hedge your bets,
I bet she waits
On your every word.
Haven't you heard?
I have a brain
Beneath the exterior.
The interior?
Scratch the surface..
Maybe not..
You have two faces,
The public view
Right in cue
I know you
Better than you do.
The other one...
You've come undone.
Me ? I'm way too strong.
You don't believe in you,
I did ...no doubt.
I dared to care,
Cared but you were scared
Of your own shadow.
Look out the window
I'm looking in
A reflection of me?
Thank you.
Yes ...thank you.
For helping me see.
See right through you.
Every word,
It's all been heard.
Every silence,
Dissolved my resolve.
It's left a wound
Healed with a scab.
Did you realise?
Realise what you had,
In your hands.
Do you understand?
Your choice,
Walk away.
Don't think for a minute
I didn't live it.
I have feelings too...
Off you go, pastures new.
The grass is greener.
It's been emotional...
I never claimed your baggage.
I unpacked mine long ago.
How were you to know
You know what?
You had me at hello.

By the light of a sequinned moon
She had forgotten to remember
All the stars in her eyes danced to a different tune
Her feet stepped in time to the beat of her heart
Her tears dripped on the ground he walked on
Splashing then evaporating testing and informing
Candy floss clouds could no longer sweeten
Was it worth it to worship the footprints?
Her merry go round went round and round
Her memory she saw with his seesaw swing
The helter-skelter no longer sheltered
Her childhood dreams
Time to let this caged bird swim instead of sink
In the muddy puddles of his pain full eyes
And the silent words written on his skin

Where is the love, lust and all encompassing passion?
Waves of euphoria replaced by a deep depression.
I thought it was more than just a temporary liaison.
It was mind body and soul, not a forbidden distraction.
A perfect life? Reality bites it was but an illusion.
Right wrong? I don't know,certainty is replaced by confusion.
I am feeling the pull of time...it's my form of regression
I hate these feelings,my pain my only expression.
I am afraid that you have formed the wrong impression.
I don't want you to hate me,I just wanted a decision.
Happiness quickly followed by mistrust and superstition.
What you do feels like a form of oppression.
Thoughts of you conjure up hurt anguish and aggression.
I have done nothing wrong, loving you ...my only confession.
A future? only dreams...never meant to come to fruition.
We could have been happy if we'd only given ourselves permission.
I know it was all in my mind...quite an exquisite delusion.
When all is said and done I have learnt a valuable lesson.
I need to stop this destructive obsession.
We were never meant to be one another's  prize possession.

The black cloud subsided when the rain came down.
Down it came again and again
The black cloud shrouded the land
And the sea
Covered it in pain and again
The black cloud created the night when it was day
Darkened it in shame and again
The black cloud subsided when the rain came down
Took away the pain and the shame

Open the book
Turn the page
Let The smell of the ink invite
Your senses
Let the words fill your head
With all the perfect things
You've not yet said

First love.
Blind love.
Arms tied behind my back love.
Eyes bigger than my heart love.
I can see my way through the dark love.
Head up in the clouds love.
Feet high up off the ground love.
Far too young love.
Everlasting love?
Wrapped up in nostalgia love.
Don't go there love.
Leave in the past love.
Why does this hurt my insides love?
Head in the sand love.
Feet back on the ground love.
Second best love.
Finally grown up love.
Blind love.
First love.

Sitting on hands
Feet turning inwards
Trying to hide the inside
From the outside world
Goosebumps on pale skin
Patiently waiting
For the hand that feeds
crumbs
Listen carefully
can hear a tiny voice?
Perched precariously
Head lifts
Heart beat quickens
Fingers unhinge the cage
The door creaks
With wings unclipped
Freedom beckons
Yawn awake
Hear the delicate song

I need to hold a fragment of you in my hand
I will gently pick another piece of you
Cherish it kiss it back to life
That will be the hope that cements the join
One by one piece by piece I will gently put you back together
Every speck of glue will have smiles running through
Every little crack will let in the light
When you are whole again I will stand back and breathe in the view
People will remark on your amazing power
I will admire your strength
For you are even more beautiful than yesterday

I see
I saw
The sea
You see
The tide
It turned
The sea
It washed
Over me
You see
I saw
The ebb
The flow
The sea
It saw
It sees
The me
The you
The us
The we
It sighed
You see
It sighs
The sea
The tide
The time
The energy
It sees
The pain
It saw
The moon
It turned
It sees
You see
The sea

Yes she said
I can't dismiss
Your kiss
The kiss
I miss so much
Dances on my tongue
Fizzes in my brain
I could never feel the same
It wasn't a game
It was real
To feel
The heat
From my head
To toe
You know
I can't go
I can't leave
I still believe
The sigh
Oh my
As much as I try
I still remember the kiss
The sigh the smile
Upon the lips that miss your kiss
I can't dismiss
The kiss
That kiss
I miss so much.

I saw the whole of the inside of you from the hole in your side.
I stood beside and watched you fight
Hand in hand side by side
I wanted my insides to show
On the outside
Too many downsides making up for the upsides
Everything turned upside down
My insides had turned inside out
Did my pain on the outside show
Your pain on the inside
I saw the whole of you from the hole in your side
I've let you see the other side of me
The whole of me.
That is the upside to the downside of the hole in your side.

26 letters
My fingertips
A thought
5 vowels
My heart
A sign

We would meet on a Friday.
Where?
Under the big clock.
The excitement building all day.
Time slowly ticking, tick tock, tick tock.
A passionate long lingering kiss.
Where?
You know...under the clock.
Oh your wide open arms I miss.
Time slowly ticking, tick tock, tick tock.
We are alone in suspended animation.
Eyes wide transfixed staring.
This moment our own creation.
Time for us alone, each other sharing.
Where?
Same place under the clock.
An amazing all encompassing elation.
Time moves slowly tick tock tick tock.
Hold the hands of time, our fingers entwined.
When?
Someday soon under the clock.
You know you are always on my mind
My heart beats in time with yours tick tock, tick tock.

My tears  drip on the earth,
the earth that covers your body.
The wind rips the words from my mouth.
I want to hold time in my hands.
Stop,still.
Then turn the clock face.
To another hour,
a different place.
Look into your eyes a little longer,
hold you a little tighter.
Take the pain,
banish the shame.
Read the silences in the lines around your eyes.
Feel the heat,
fear the cold.
Savour the moments of pure joy,
immerse myself in the laughter.
Open my arms,
erase the anger.
I'm better for knowing you.
My only wish...
That you could have stayed a little longer.

It will be happy
Sad and Lonely
There will be wishful thinking
Achievements disappointments
Love and tears
Hope and fears
Arguments, in depth discussions
Songs, poetry and prose
Cold times, hard times
Amazing
A little bit of wonderful
A whole heap of something special
Long nights, short days
Lazy Sunday mornings
Rainy Tuesdays
Thank God it's Fridays
Writing on the wall
Picking yourself up when you fall
Excitement and wonder
Standing tall
Pride and pain
Hurt feelings
Dancing eyes
Huge big grins
Goosebumps, pins and needles
On searing hot skin
Cold hearts, skinned knees
Listening
Hearing things
Saying what's on your mind
Lying and imagining
Eyes wide with wonder
Tears running down cheeks
Time to speak
Wasted days
Guts and glory
Brand new stories on fresh blank pages
The best of you
Laughing like drains
The subtle, the profane
Drunken days sobering thoughts
Big hearts new starts
Expectations, failures and successes
Asking questions but questioning answers
Never forgetting to remember the past
Whilst stepping into the future
Have the presence of mind to be present
It's in your hands
Live it love it

Walk with purpose into 2017 X

I want to breathe the smile back on your face
I want my skin to be the cover for your scars
I want my hands to be the help to lift you up
I want my legs to pick up your feet and run
I want my shadow to protect you from the harsh light
Your blood runs through me...I live because of you

I can only face you with amazing grace
Gracefulness of heart
Heartfelt pleas upon the lines around my eyes
Eye on the goal of ultimate peace
Peace, perfect peacefulness upon the lips that sigh...
Sigh then stop still and in the fullness of time
Time...that waits for blessed moment after moment
Moments that will stand the test
Testing our strength and courage
Courage to face the world with truth
Truth that saves these faces.... soon it will be time
Time to dance, time to grieve, time to serve and time to be....

I'm learning to swim
in the words that form
In your perfect mouth
I was drowning in questions
When I should have been floating
On acceptance

Count to ten
Click your heels
Then wave a magic wand
Take my hand
Hold on tight
As we unravel the rope
Hurry hurry
Roll up roll up
Maybe click our fingers in unison
Giggles bubble up
Escaping....mixing with air
Gather up the tears that fall at your feet
I'll patch up your grazes
You will help me out of scrapes
Hair flowing down my back
As the wind kisses my cheek
We sneak out into the dark
You saw my dreams in the dappled light
I could read your mind through my little eye

She is lying very still
The tide of regret washing over her
The ebb and flow of emotions
Breathe in
Breathe out
That's all she can do
Words caught up
Tangled in the fishing net of despair
Flotsam and jetsam on the surface
The wreck of a relationship carried on   The swell
Where will it end up?
Driftwood on a deserted beach somewhere miles from here
Bleached by the sun
Crumbling to dust
Adding to the bones of long forgotten love
She will pick herself up and carry on
Time and time again
For a fleeting moment perfect
All that's left is loneliness once more
She knows in her cold scarred heart life will beat
Breathe out
Breathe in
That is all there's left to do.

I am walking down the road in the footsteps of my former self
Retracing yesterday
feeling the stabbing pains
Tears pricking my eyes
cheeks burning red
Cold sweat on hot skin
My bones worry with the weight of the world planted squarely upon my shoulders
Wearing the words of spite that sting my flesh
I cover my ears so that the silence deafens me
I have been walking away forever
feet bleeding their taunts
My hands held out palms up
Ready to receive their leftovers
There I was standing out ... and not fitting in
Did I scare all of you with my quiet acceptance ?
I was your muse
your amusement to get you out of the predicament
That meant I was the punch bag for your discontent.

I'm leaving footprints
Although you've taken my heart
Colours left as hints
It will be hard to tear us apart

I taste a Barcelona kiss
How could I forget
A life force I will miss
I have to leave with regret

My eyes dance around this place
An indelible mark left on my skin
You are in the smile on my face
Where do you end and I begin?

Put your hands inside my face
Let your fingers trace
The tears the mistakes
******* smile
Let it melt into yours
The lines that creep across your cheek
That's where it starts
That's the heart of it
Feel a part of this
The flicker of recognition in your eyes
The ignition
Simplicity comes as an epiphany
Thoughts questions dissipate
As separately we come to the conclusion that the inclusion
Isn't a far fetched illusion
Or a delusionary tactic aimed to hijack the effects that affect the final outcome

I am in lust. I'm hate,I'm love, I'm tangled.
I am amused,confused,bruised.
I am hot,cold,I am untold.
I'm undone,I'm fun,
Coming,going,I'm all knowing.
I hope,love and scar,
My head hurts and my mind is numb.
I'm hurt,jealous,envious.
I smile, laugh and taste.
I scream and dream.
I'm in a hurry, I'm lazy.
My throat hurts, can't talk.
I can't see, just leave me be.
I am disabled, not able.
Leave me in pieces.
I am all of the above and then some.
I'm tired,inspired,I am wired.
I cry ,I lie and try.
I am trying,but most of all I'm crying.
I'm fake,I'm real. It is surreal.
I feel,I don't,I won't.
I talk,I walk,I run.
I stop,I strop, I shout.
I really don't know what this is about.
How do you feel? To me it's real.
I am raw,I'm cut,I need,I bleed.
I give up,I give in,you win.
I fight,I am uptight.
I'm abstract, I react, detract.
I am dramatic,ecstatic, erratic.
.... I am knackered.

Train pulls in as two hearts stop
Voices break as tears stream
down the tracks
Electricity crackles through the live rail
Love wants to revive the life from the dying embers
They stand there as the mist clears
Torn apart as the door slams shut.

Someone smiled at me today
Someone smiled at me...really smiled
A wide open smile
An honest smile
A lovely kind smile
A smile that said I like you
A smile that said I value you
A smile that said I'm here to stay
A smile that said it's  good to know you
A smile that said I'm not going anywhere
A smile that said smile back at me
I stood there for a while
Then stepped back from the mirror.

I could pour your smile in my tea
Stir in your laugh
Add that sparkle from your eye
Sprinkle on a dash of your humility
Clink China cups...raise a toast to you and me
Oh my...what a perfect start to my day
That would be.

I turn my face
To morning chorus
Of fresh breeze
Of expectant shadow
I hold out my hand
To the space that's you
In that single moment
My perfect happens

When you find it
Hold on tight to it
With all of your might
Don't fight it
Or get uptight
Bask in the light
The bright lights
Take comfort in it
Wrap your self up in it
Dance barefoot with it
Throw your arms around it
Share it
So that others may believe in it
There's hope for the future in it
Memories are made of it
Smile and laugh with it
Don't ask....what is it?
You already know it
It's written in your heart
Isn't it?

The echoes of my voice
Leave you with a choice
Which road do you walk down ?What is your fear?
That you may drown
While the ship sinks
As the fireworks go off in your head
Was that the last time
As I left your bed
With your arms outstretched
As my words dripped like honey
And your desires I read with one look
Do we let our fingers forever reach
But never touch
Home where we both felt safe
Where adolescent dreams became a reality
As time ticked on and on
we'd become a shadow of what we were supposed to be
Your image forever in my head
In the sentences swimming before my eyes
As I walked down the platform of my former self
And shed past hurts like fishes  scales
We replaced them with wings that summer of our content
You picked up my smile
I gave you your unpredictable
We had the ability to scratch away the ambiguity
To hold out our hands to receive
Our destinies
We made each other's skin sigh
As we looked up at a cloudless sky
My future and past collided in your presence
So now as we sit shaking our heads
As your scorpion tail flicks laden with venom
My spiteful words freeze with a premonition
I'd like to suture the ruptures
Recapture the serendipity
The alchemy
That meant we had a future
Not just a history

Railway station waiting room sitting anticipating inspiration
Breathing slows as calm descends with a black lace shroud
Mystery light and honesty filter through the spaces in between
Thoughts float up then disperse on the wind searching for a patch of fresh earth
The platform rises up and beckons me to trust instinctively
Soon I will be taken from here to find my bodies position in a different place
My absence of presence will be noted in the subtle shift
A whisper of inquisitiveness will leave it's mark on those who pass by my shadow ghost
The past will greet the present like a familiar friend before walking into the future.

Time is my walk in the other direction
When you realise it's not quite the connection
Time is refusing the destruction of self in the face of others determination
Time is the ticking of blood a variation on their attempt at suffocation
Time is the reflection in others eyes
Of the pain of separation
Time is side stepping the devastation
Thank you for the liberation

I would like to hang up my tired weary muscles and skin
I would pick out my 1983 coat from the wardrobe of yesterday
Take comfort in the carefree newness of a different life about to begin
The buttons badges of honour left by childhood scrapes and bruises
The pattern symbolising lessons learnt and wise words given
The collar my shelter from the rain of pain and the clouds of self doubt
The hem would allow some growing room but be tidy and protective of my raw edges
The colour bright and cheerful representing hope and possibility
I'd forgotten how well it fits...my wonderful coat called my fifteen year old self.

I can taste the lies you left in the corner of my mouth
I cut my teeth on words that once danced on my tongue
Tastebuds tingled as the sentiment made sense
Tongues tied as eyes widened with the beliefs
I choke on the aftertaste of lips you serviced