Can you steer me away from the fear?
The pounding heart that starts
In the pit of my stomach it's
Debilitating irritating unfulfilling  
Anxiety spilling out
Drilling into my brain
Pounding ticking
Tick tick tick tock
Locked in shut out
I'm looking in but left out
in the cold
Shivering
frightened of fright itself
I'd like to bottle it
Put it on a shelf to gather dust
Standing beside myself
Looking at the shelf
I'm talking to myself
Am I selfish or selfless
Helpless or hopeless
I'd like the road I'm walking down
To be the path home
I'd welcome me with open arms
To totally disarm
I'd wrap me up in the comfort
I'd let me sigh and smile
And sit and just be me for a while

I can't compete with the demons in your head,
Where fools rush in and angels fear to tread.
Thoughts of me don't reach the sacred heart of your bed.
It's like walking a tightrope on silk thread.
What are you scared of ..losing your mind...is that what you dread?
Now is the time to listen to your heart instead of the voices in your head.

I can feel your words echo with the breeze on my skin
We sat here, you and I, for the longest time
Saying goodbye to the day when the sun went down
The tide took with it the dreams and wishes of the dying souls we'd be missing
Then returned it as a gift for the living
Let the water cover my feet and the sand run through my fingers
The oyster shells a reminder of a taste of the good times
A physical symbol of the hours we'd been given

There is so much I want to share
That you will never get to see
Remember me
Don't forget I'm grieving for what should have been
Come to the funeral and celebrate
Nothing I do or say will demonstrate
If you don't open your eyes as well as your head
Every line that I ever wrote
Every whispered word I ever spoke
I wanted to penetrate your skin
Now I punctuate with a deep sigh
A turned down mouth instead of a grin
I forgot where I end and you begin
As I look up to the sky today
I don't want to die today
I am walking blindly in the light
That should be filled with fun and hope
I will pick up my bag of trust
Scrape off the mud and rust
I will wind up the mechanism that that propels me
Broken promises and spells surround me
My feet and my hands are all I know
Although my fingertips are burned
I can feel the healing kisses
You and I are bigger than this
The us we called we is what I'll miss

We gave birth to the whole world.
Therefore have the ultimate power.
If we share our innermost thoughts,
At the most intimate time,
We have the maximum impact.
On this day of all days,
As the universal mother,
We hold the change in our hands.
It's up to each and every one of us.
As we give birth to the next generation,
And as daughters of the last,
It's time to acknowledge but leave the past.
Cut the ties that bind... open the eyes that keep us blind.
Keep the ultimate goal in mind...
We are all part of this human race
We can't keep on saving face.
Blaming each other for our forebears disgrace.
Make this a day to celebrate humanity.
Gather strength from our unity
And give our children the belief in true equality.
We are all equal... surely this is what gives our life it's quality.

CM 8/3/15

As you turn and walk away,
Know that you've left a mark...
An indelible mark,
That can never be washed away.
You've turned your back today,
You left your mark at the start.
I knew you from the start,
Knew you'd walk away today.
You had my heart but couldn't stay.
You made me see light not the dark,
Led Me from the dark.
In my heart I knew you wouldn't stay.
I'd just like to say...
You will always be a big part,
Right from the start a really big part.
But couldn't stay...there's nothing more to say.

Whisper prayers in my ears
Be my light in the dark
Take my hand be my guide
Make my heart expand and sigh
Mask the hate filled sentences
Gather together the broken pieces.

33 words placed by your amazing tongue,
Melting together one by one.
33 words straight from your core,
Whispered on bare skin I want more.
33 words mixed with your soothing voice,
In each and every syllable I shall rejoice.
33 words dripping down my spine,
Slowly tracing their path until they meet mine.
33 vertebrae waiting for your precious voice...
I can only surrender I have no other choice.

When I look in the mirror
I see her looking back at me
Arms outstretched reaching out for me
Eyes watching over me
Ears listening out for me
Mouth whispering to me
Time turning back to me
The days are moving forward
Time is ticking on
I've woken up
She's still gone.

Oh dear!
Oh dear oh dear
What's that I hear?
One more my dear?
Yes you my dear
What me?
Are you sure
Yes my dear
One for the road
Should I be so bold
Do I need to ask?
Your task since you ask
No need to think
Have another drink
Go on do you have to be told?
Should I be so bold
To suggest one for the road
Oh all right just one mind
Then it will be time
Because it's now tomorrow
I'll follow your lead
Down the path of least resistance
At your insistence
What's the harm in one more
Are you keeping score?
There's a suspension
In my good intentions
Ah go on then
And again and again
Oh dear
Oh dear oh dear
I can't see
You see the one after that
Was my flaw
I'm on the floor
Just one more?
Next time
I shall stop when it's still yesterday
What did you say?
One more my dear
Oh dear oh dear
Oh dear....

Every time you project
I think I may detect
Every time you lie
It makes me sigh
Every hurtful word
It's all been heard
When you dismiss
It's adds to the list
You play a game
One with no name
You just don't hear
Is it fear?
You've pushed me away
All there is to say
Is leave me alone
Go back home
Nice while it lasted
My life?
Time to restart it.

One face
It could be your face
Or my face
Why do some have two faces?
How do we face the world
When we turn our face
To the nameless faces
Who ask us to look them in the eye
As they face us?
Can you face up to the fact
You are Turing a blind eye
When you should look them in the eye
Stand side by side
Do you mind as you walk away with your two faces
The one with a smile as you pretend you can't see
What's right in front of you
The one that moans about your lot and what you haven't got
Look around this green and pleasant land
As you lay claim to what you think is yours
Can you hold your head up high
And say you tried to make this a better place?
I can see distaste written on your face
Time to wipe the smiles from the smug faces
Wipe the tears from the misplaced
Treat each and everyone as if they are part of this human race
Next time you look at a frightened tear stained face
Have the courage to face up to the fact
That you are lucky to be in the place you call safe
That one face...
Could have been your face
But you were born in a different place
Look in the mirror as you come face to face with your future
Then look another in the eye... hold out your hand as you smile
Tell them all the pain has been worthwhile

We are the lucky ones
We get to tell our story
With all our guts
And it's glory
When you have taken everything
And there isn't any more to give
It's time to forgive
Forget the effect
I want special effects
Not pyrotechnics
When you have taken anything
And all that's left
Is distress
Various states of undress
Haven't redressed the balance
It becomes a challenge
And you think you can't manage
To emerge from the dream
The silent screams
As you crawl along the floor once more
It's hard to ignore
When you have taken the something
The essence of me
Because you wanted to see
How far you could take
It was a mistake
To underestimate
Just how much you thought I could lose
You take what I give
Once upon a time
It was willingly free
I paid too higher price
When you want nothing more
and I'm replaced
With another face
I'm toe to toe with my reflection
Which direction
As I look over my shoulder
Am I really wiser as I get older
When my everything was nothing
More than something to discard
Is honesty so hard
The anything left to say
Will wait for another day
My depiction of the situation
Isn't a fairytale it isn't fiction
As I pick up the pieces
I know where it leads to
I'm stronger
Who knew what was to come
Time will stitch up the scars
As I look up to the stars
I thank my luck
My story
Well it's just begun
I'm not just anyone
I'm everything something
Someone.

Brush away the pain
Rub out the harsh words
Encircle my body
With your protective arms
Catch the wonderful
Before its lost to the wind.

In that split second everything changed
My thoughts became your dreams
My dreams your realities
A seemingly innocent look into depths of our knowledge
An insight into the life written in the stars
And the scars of a former existence
We didn't know we'd know each other again
I'd forgotten to remember you...but your eyes I have always known
They grew large in my imagination
Letting me see the stories you have hidden
You knew right then I had the key to the door
So you could realise and be thankful
for what you've been given

I didn't make it up
I woke up
You made it better
For better or worse
It really happened
You made me count
You made it all better
I did it with your help
We helped ourselves
Please don't stop
Don't make it stop
To me it's clear
You make it clear
You couldn't write this
Or make it up
You know what
We can make it
Is that clear?

She stands by the railings wearing that knowing look
Her dog waiting patiently by her side
Platform two I catch a glimpse of red
Torn apart as the Windows go rattling by
Memories come back to visit me
She knew what was to become of us
Her star guides me back to the heart of our past
Clacketty clack
Drum beat, feet tap
until we meet again on platform 2.

I will swim in your smile
I will bask in the sunshine of your eyes
Let me sit here a while....
Catch my breath
The breath you take from me.

Delicate little dragon
Sit beside me
Tell me what's up
Whisper your words
So they don't burn
I'll lend you my ear
Make my tears evaporate
Invigorate your wings
It's time for us both to fly

Woken up,
Weary bones.
Lump in throat.
Miss you now.
Missed you yesterday.
Miss you more tomorrow.
Head is full,
Full of you.
Heart hurts.
Huge big hole.
Too big to fill,
With anyone but you.

The coolness of the train window
Takes the heat from my forehead
Replaces it with brain freeze
The initials trickle down the pane
The hypnotic clackty clack
Lulls me into a trance
Trees and fields rush by
Straight line to the heart of my past
As the sun blinks I'm blinded
I can finally see what's in front of me
Time to go back to see the future
My childhood is waiting
To greet me in its kind open arms

Childhood lines
Pulling us back like elastic bands
Pinching the skin
Leaving stinging nettle welts
Skinned our hearts as well as our knees
Long hot summers take our breath away
Blackberry juice dripping from our chins
The taste of nostalgia still on our tongues
Hot pavements burnt our feet
Sticky sweat mixed with mud dries
Daisy chains bound our wrists
Wasps circle the sugar
oozing from honeyed sandwiches
Hands searching for forbidden fruit
What is time but blurred lines
Pulling us back like elastic bands.

Black crows
Circling calling
Spitting our names
Black shroud descends
Suns shadow lengthens darkens
Trapped in a box
I am cracked
Bones snap
Voices break
Blood runs cold in my veins
Lifeless hopeless loveless
Skin is too big
For the withering breath
That no longer rises and falls
In time to the beat of a heart
With a wide gapping hole
A hole so big
A hole so deep
A hole so wide
It divides
This conquered place
I won't let you see my face
Or the lines and the groves
Of the tracks my tears have made
Fingertips are numb
I can't reach out and touch
The heat of your body
I'm not just anybody
I embody all that is good in you
Step in time
With the feet that are both yours and mine

Door creaks
She didn't leave it ajar
Sealed...a moment in time
I can smell frailty
Suspended animation
I'm her creation
I can't save the suffering
Only the tears
Put them on the dusty shelf
I can see her echoes in myself

Yes I know what to say
I just don't want to
Let me sit a while longer
Let my fingertips freeze
Everything I touch
Stop still
Cover the clock
Hide the tick
Banish the tock
Let me drop
To the floor
I can't ignore it
Wouldn't want to
I'm alone
Surrounded by others
I'm the same predicament
Another attempt
To scratch my name
Into the dust
Of those who have walked the path
Oh what discontent

Standing there so close
I could read your thoughts
For they matched mine
Magnetised on the platform
You pacing, looking, sighing
I stood still
Time stood still
Ten minutes
Ten whole minutes
Tick tick tick
Train clattering down the tracks
As it gets nearer you get further away
Eyes lock
Time stood still
Ten seconds
Ten whole seconds
Tick tick tick
Standing there so close
You could read my thoughts
For they matched yours
Door closes
You pace, look, sigh
I stand still
Time stands still
Train clatters down the track
As I get further away I wish you were nearer
Ten seconds
Ten whole seconds
Why didn't you stand still
And just talk to me?

A silence grows from the remains of grief
Empty chairs where no one sits
The air we breathe a subtle shift
The light filled space
Leaves its shadow fingers trace
A whispered voice in stagnant air
Listen carefully you'll find her there

She sits there waving at the moon.
Do you think she can see me?
She wonders what she's doing
Do you think she is smiling down at me?
I do hope she's awake
I'm sure she's waving back at me
Do you think we can help her down tonight
For even though she's out of sight
I can see her in my minds eye
Reaching out
Even though she can't stay
Do you think she could watch me play?
Just for a little while
It really would make my day
She sits there waving at the moon
Maybe we can see her soon?
I do hope she is waving back at me
When you look down
I'm sure you'll notice me
Sitting here waiting patiently.

My eyes said yes before the rest had time to think
Words,sentences, places, times had all come to settle
On the scales that had become my skin
A layer of protection so I could swim
Instead of sinking
Then being washed up on the tide of regret
The winds of change blew in from another direction
A power to turn every stone
To caress every single body part
To leave messages ringing in my ears
Every single muscle standing to attention
My bones anticipating a new direction
Mind free from the constraints of distraction
The breath taken from me...leaving protection
I'd shed my skin of scales
A trail glistening in my wake
Replacing them with feathers
So now when I lift my arms...
I am able to fly in your direction

The ebb and flow is tied to the string on my big toe
Muscles in my calf twitch and the switch clicks
The salt spray covers my skin and so it begins
The wind caresses away the day's stresses
Ears hear the rush of whispered wishes
Eyes dance as they lull tired words into chants
Dreams subside as lost memories collide
Drench my bones with the salty tears of home
I'm coming back into view...look out to sea I can see you

I have a memory on my mouth
A kiss that branded lips
A whisper that stirred these hips
Words tantalise then slowly drip
Your desire an intoxicating mix
Entirely whole
Fingers click I close my eyes
A conjurors trick
you and I the perfect fit

When you open the curtains shake of the night
Let the day break into the darkness of  your dreams
Let the sun burn a hole in the troubles of yesterday
Breathe in the newness of the hours you have been given
Let the shadows lengthen friendships strengthen
Smooth out the creases of spiteful words
Reclaim the joy of an unblemished day

Missed chances
No second glances
Rewind the tape
Can't we escape
The childhood restraints
The loud mouthed complaints
The hate filled debate
The box of constraints
The mothers tug of war
Couldn't they see what we saw?
There was so much more to give
Two lives to live
Forever entwined
What would you do if you could rewind
Turn the hands back
Minds open as hearts beat
We can't let anyone defeat
We have the full circle to complete
Why did they compete
Heart strings pulled until the snapped
Umbilical chord her discord
Like bungee rope
It left no scope
Only self doubt no hope
I walked forward with a space at my side
Something inside withered then died
I wanted you to see the resurrection
To release me from my purgatory
Was it so wrong at such a young age
To recognise perfection in our limited days
So much time treading water
When I knew where I belonged
You saving me from drowning
Whilst being a dutiful daughter
Days became weeks
Your voice pushed to a corner of my heart
I heard whispers down the years
I pulled the wool over my ears
I could still see your face
In all the places we'd been
One day you will come back for me
You were the one who I called home
My safety net my calm in the storm
So I sit with my face in my hands
As I slowly watch the grains of sand
The tide is going out you see
Maybe one day you will come back to me.

I'm sighing and crying simultaneously
My throat is dry and full of words
I feel faint and wide awake
There's fire and water in my head
Electric current fizzes and silences
Sickness overwhelms and life affirms
Pins and needles numb
Blind eyes see the voice
Lifeless body feels the force
Beautifully fierce in damage
Heart pumps imagination
Dream real stops dead
Shocks pause for breath
Bring me back with your words
Whispered on the wind.

I want to write
About
The night
You held me tight
The night
It felt so right
To write
Tonight
About
That night
Your eyes shone bright
With delight
A shining light
That night
Hold on tight
Tonight
It feels so right
Ignite
That light
About
Which I write

A silent calm had settled on her skin
She tasted the salt blown in from the sea
She heard the words whispered in the air
The breeze caressed the roses swaying to the weather's heartbeat
She walked delicately on the comfortable day
Her eyes touched the green and the blue
The time slowly ticked through her fingers
She slipped on the early evening light ...a perfect fit
She smiled a smile that said she'd always known.

Adornment fades at first sighs the skin- again our hearts race blood pools- lastly heightened senses combine hushed voices

She sits quietly staring into the distance
Her mind can no longer pick up her feet and run
She takes a shallow breath then laughs...
Why don't you giggle too? She asks
Can't you hear me?
Can't you feel me tugging the hem of your shirt tail ?
Can't you feel my hand in yours?
Can't you feel my heartbeat in time to the thoughts in your head?
Can't you hear the promises I had with your soul?
Will you sit for a while and listen to my story? I will whisper in your ear
Can't you hear me?
A shiver on the breeze... Has she really gone?

I am acutely aware
Of my feelings today,
My emotions I wear
On my sleeve.
I want to tear
Them from my skin.
I stop and stare
Into space.
I wasn't prepared
For your rejection.
I'm sorry I care
Too much.
Yes I dare
To dream,
And yes I am acutely aware
Of my feelings today.

Will you take these words from me?
Will you see them written on feathers?
Will you see the birds spread them on their wings?
Will you see them scattered to the wind?
Will you catch them with open hands?
Will you place them on your cheek?
Will you live them...breathe them in?
Will you watch them soar higher than you ever imagined?
Will you?

As I turn my insides out
Memories spill like rain
Sear hot pavements with emotion
then evaporate in a plume of steam

Over the hills and faraway
Is a place you can find your home
When you come to a crossroads
There is a house in the middle
Regret and despair may have been your guides
But hope and enlightenment are waiting there
Come walk with me strengthen your body
Come eat with me feed your soul
Come breathe with me relax your mind
Don't question why you are here
Just know it's right
Feel the heat rising from within
The answers have been here all the time
I will leave my old skin on the wind
I will take comfort from this beginning
And the smile that radiates from within
Thank you from the old hole in my heart
That's now sealed with a huge big grin

Saying goodbye to the day when the sun went down
The tide took with it our dreams and wishes
Of the dying souls we'd be missing
Then returned it as a gift for the living

Take my hands
Clothe them in magic
A close fitting glove
Breathe your words
Bathe them in hope
The kiss of life

Home was never a place
Home wasn't in the people I saw
Home was never walls and windows
Home wasn't doors
Home is the peace written on my face.

Words fell out and danced on your breath
A sigh left the pores of my skin
Ampersands flow through my veins
Anticipation hung in the air
The possibilities lay on the ground

Drum beat
Heels click
Water drip
Falls into place
Your face
Our space
Echoing
Beckoning
Prerequisite
Composite
Definite
Rivers of belief
What to achieve
Deep breath
No stress
Nothing to confess
Brave enough
Saved enough
Enough hope
Prayers
Silent stares
Eyes wide
Turn the tide
Seize the day
This is the day
Come what may

Haven't we surrendered and searched for time.
Dragged our weary bones till they break.
Seeking out solace and enlightening
Thoughts.
Sentences hidden without paragraphs, silence take.

Earth and water on which we fear to tread.
Scared of the sacrifices we have to make.
Dancing barefoot on cracked eggshells,
Letting delicate meanings have their escape.

We sigh with heavy diaphragm plagued by shallow breath.
Your image in my memory I shall not forsake.
Untie the ribbons that bind body and  heart.
Time for two souls to soar...so feel the life...  in our wake.

Am I fine?
He asked.
Why do you ask?
She said,
masking
Her confusion.
Was it an illusion?
She asked.
Were you wearing a mask?
Was it delusion?
You look fine,
And when you didn't
I knew there'd be a time.
I'm fine....
I assumed
I needn't ask,
She said.
I have to ask,
He said....
I feel I am masking,
That's why I'm asking.
I feel fine,
Is my conclusion.
What are you asking?
She said.
Are you masking,
The real reason
You are asking?
Yes
he said.
I was going to ask
In a roundabout way
Would it be ok...
Well I was going to ask
Have we got the time?
Now I'm fine...
He said.
Get on with the task,
And ask....
She said.
Shall I try my luck
Do you fancy a...

Cup of tea?

Don't fear the places in my head,
upon which you fear to tread.
Don't fill your mind with thoughts you dread...
Dare to dream of the best of me instead.