In this ocean of probabilities and uncertainties,
it's not death that I am most afraid of
since death is the only thing that is certain
yet, it's life and to be alive

In death, you only have one possibility
your nonexistent; an eternal darkness
of which light could never reach again,
even your loudest scream sounds like a long silence

In life, every steps taken create alternate endings,
perhaps sometimes you made the right choices
but when it comes that you didn't, it will haunt you
for the rest of your life that you'd start to wonder;

"what happened if you'd only brave enough to take the risk?"
"what's on the other side of the roads you didn't take?"
"what are the opportunities that you have missed?"
"what if what you thought was right, wasn't?"

Thus live, instead of just being exist and present
worry not of your demise, but every seconds you spent
for life and death is only as thin as a thread;
make sure it is worth your while

I took the long way back home
Wishing the noise would draw me away
Wishing the time would let you slip from memory

I went to places we used to sip our coffee
Everything is distorted as if time didn’t exist
Everything is surreal as if we were never there

I talk to people to keep me sane
All I felt was a small mouthful of nonsense
All I felt was longing for the warmth of your skin

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

How's the Earth looking from up there?
I bet you wouldn't even bother about the livings anymore,
I bet you couldn't wait for the Heaven; the eternity

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Forgive me,
For every time I see a butterfly perched on my window I always thought that was you missing me
Forgive me,
For every time I see a cat around the backyard I always thought that was you visiting and checking up on me

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Now I'm at peace, realizing that you are free from any physical pains;
As you are no longer burdened by your glaucoma or sudden heart attack
As your fragile skins won't have to be bruised when you coincidentally knocked on the table
As you won't have to feel headache each time you're overwhelmed by the thoughts of your family

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Still, it doesn't feel right for my brain to comprehend that
My childrens won't ever get to hear the warmth of your voices;
Tasting the overburnt eggs and noodles you used to make;
Watching your favorite old movies in the afternoon;
Playing with the wrinkles on your hands;
or making fun of your white hair

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

I know you will never know about this
But I'm down on my knees
Silently pray inbetween the night and the dawn;
So that the angels will not be too harsh on you
In hereafter

On one Summer day
a girl was wearing her heart
on her sleeves

She planted her gardens;
watered them sincerely
day by day

With each day goes by,
some people sneak a peek
into her blossoming flowers

Yet, no one bothers
to step even further
beyond the facade

She couldn’t help but wonder
why do people tend to admire
the beauty from the outside?

While the true beauty,
lies from within—
as it’s never about what it seems

And she thought,
even when her garden is flawed
it is at least, well taken care of

I sip my morning coffee religiously
but lately my two shots doesn't feel
as bitter as it used to be

Perhaps that's the thing about life;
you get used to bitterness so much that
you can no longer distinguish which one is which
since everything tastes all the same

Or perhaps, the thought of you crossed my mind
and all the pain suddenly comes rushing back
as if I am being tormented for the sins I didn't commit

My wounds are burning; they’re still half-open
almost to the point it's unbearable for me to mend
had I known the bruise would left me scars this deep
I would have walked the opposite direction that day

Substance over form
depth over surface

Layers by layers—
see me raw

The clock is ticking

Time is fleeting before my eyes

It almost feels like
all these moments
turned into memories
in a blink of an eye

Oh, dear Time

Please, please, please
slow down a little bit
freeze if you would

Please, please, please
I'm started to lose grips
of everyone; everything

Opportunity knocks you once
but certainly not twice

So this is it—the final closure
of what I would forever call
an almost;
a road not taken
a missed connection;
a wasted second chance;

We may have everything
but never time

Pada akhirnya, yang mengerti
adalah bayangan dan diri sendiri
Sementara orang lain mati,
pergi tanpa sempat kembali

Pada akhirnya, yang berkeras hati
adalah jantung yang menolak berhenti
Sementara kaki mulai lelah berlari,
meraung ingin menyudahi

Pada akhirnya, yang abadi
adalah sunyi dan sepi
Sementara mimpi-mimpi,
hilang tergerus tanpa arti

We were tiptoeing
all the way to the kitchen
sneaking out like we used to
thousand of days before

The lights went off
he pulled me into his arms
all I can hear was his breathe
and his beating heart

Through his gaze;
I felt his warmth
Through his embrace;
I felt his longing

It’s almost as if
I can hear he said;
“welcome home”
without a word

It’s almost as if
all the goodbyes
were coming back
all at once

Why do humans tend to appreciate life
when it feels like they are losing their grips?

though tough decisions;
more ofthen than not
i question & constantly challenge myself

is this what you seek in life?
are the hardships you endure reflect growth—
or is it just you forcing against the universe?

notice how your surroundings revolve,
take part in what you believe in;
do you receive the sign you are looking for?
does it speak to you?

all my life i believe
i have always been guided
towards where i am meant to be

so my answer to all of that is yes
have faith; be patience
you will get there

"Do you believe in love?"

she shook her head.

"Well, you know what love does to people—destruction," she whispered quietly.

his astonished eyes stared at her with wonder and confusion.

"Being in love means you'd be willing to sacrifice and risk everything for it; or even worse, fight against anything that against it. All my life, I only witnessed the kind of love that ruin one another."

"Look at Bonnie and Clyde. Look at ******'s love for his Arya race. Look at Confessions of a Shopaholic. Look at Gollum. There's a thin line between obsession and love, and sometimes you can't tell which one is which."

her eyes looked far across the city; as if she was longing for something. perhaps, he thought, it's true that woman is an open book, it's just most men don't read and it's written in ancient Greek.

"But how about your Mom? How about the owner of animal shelter? How about the Environmentalist? How about the firefighters and crisis call center officers?" he responded.

and in that very moment, she knew she was in safe hands.

& so i fill,
i fill,
i fill;
every void
every space
every hollow
with my own
until it’s spilled
& reach the edges
until it’s full enough
that it doesn’t require
anyone else—but myself

'though time was brief—your light was vast
your presence lingers; your memory stays
in the warmth of my hand, where I brushed you off my fingers

in the softest light of fading days,
unconditional, unexpected, true,
grief may weigh, but love won’t bend

pay me a visit through my dreams
play with me as I will feed you your favorite treats
tell me about the rainbow bridge

a love unplanned, in fur and bones
you have brought us so much joy
Yet in the silence, sometimes I would hear your bell as you walked by

here we are

looking at grief in the eyes
sitting side by side with the pain
without it we won’t be standing still,
firmly; and as resilience; as tough;
as brave as we are right now

somehow deep down, we knew
when the strom was going to hit us,
and perhaps we didn’t remember
how we managed it through;
how we managed to survive

at last,

we made it to the shore
though in crumble and collapse
the storm don’t last forever;
it's over in the end

My dear,
the scars in your body is a map and a living proof
of how far you've gone and how you survived
despite every madness and chaos that restrain you

And just like waves;
this too shall pass

I have written poetries
for as many as I could remember
for people I once loved before
and those who came before you
I used to think that
it's a tribute to turn them into poetries
since I couldn't have them anymore
any other way in my life

At least, I think to myself
I could find a piece of them
inbetween spaces in my poetries
whenever my heart longs for them

Now that I met you
my arms are shaking, trembling
for I couldn't imagine there comes a day
I'd write something about you
because for once after a long journey
I'd give up everything
to turn something as beautiful as poetry
into reality; that is you

in French they don't say "i miss you"
but rather "tu me manques"
or "you are missing from me"

so tell me,
was it your presence that is missing?
was it your warmth against mine?

there is this big void in my heart
waiting to be filled
it longs for your shadow

The dust is so lucky,
It gets to touch your sun-kissed skin and
caress your crimson hair that carries Summer memories

The sun is so lucky,
It gets to feel the warmth of your smile every morning
when you read your newspaper like it’s your breakfast

The moon is so lucky,
It gets to have your company every night when you dance to Frank Sinatra and having a glass full of bad wine

The stars are so lucky,
They get to feel your heartbeat echoes
while you were dreaming of some far away places

The galaxy is so lucky,
It gets to see its reflection through your eyes;
so crystal clear that it confuse the constellation

The whole universe is lucky
—but me

In another life, meet me again

In another life, let’s try it one more time
Make me fall in love with you again

In another life, at the very least
We could say that we didn’t give up
We could say that we’d take a bullet for each other—even if we’re bleeding to death

So maybe, just maybe
Life would be a little kinder to us
Maybe life would let us be together that time

I wish one day
I'd be lucky enough
to meet someone
who speaks my language
so I don't have to spend
a lifetime
translating my soul

give me your hands
take mine in yours
let me trace the lines of your palms
let me feel them against my own

for some souls are never strangers to begin with
and if many lifetimes do exist
i will ask for you in each of one
i'd pray to find you then—through them all

but if perhaps not in this life,
i hope you'd stumble upon a heart
that resembles yours