Somebody help me I can't breathe
I find myself cowering
On my knees

I reach out earnestly begging please
I've never asked for help..
It's foreign to me

You're all marching by too blind to see
I am human too..
******* notice me.

As dry as the desert
As light as a feather
I will hold you close
In my arms forever

Am I not your poor your weak?
Your wretched refuge from a teeming shore?
Do you not still hold the lamp?
Before me at the golden door?

Who is able to decide..
Who is the free and the brave?
The ones who sit back and enjoy?
The wealth gained day by day?

The ones who never had to prove
Or be alone against the struggle
The ones who never faced the storm
Never even touched a shovel?

Is this not the land I'm told..
That is free and for the masses?
And position is not imposed
Or subjected just as assets

As an American I have to ask
What was the point of all this war?
When we are simply going back..
To all that we were before?

The belief that one was equal to all
The terrible government crippled us all
And beneath the rubble did they not crawl?
To fight back against this demonic brawl?

In the end all I have to say
Is we did not give millions of lives away..
To keep waging war or giving labels..
Just give me one reason how you are able?...

To decide who deserves to be free..
Who decides where serenity is allowed?
To say that to be an immigrant..
Has simply overflowed the crowd?

Is America not for the free?
For the ones who fight every day?
The ones that lay awake and pray
For poverty to go to grave?

Is this the land not for the brave?
Not for the ones who battled their way?
The ones who fought every night and day?
Does the lamp still not guide their way?

Her heartbeat echoes
Through the corridors
Of my memories.

Her aroma intoxicates
The fragile essence
Of my sobriety

Her words resonate
Through my mind
Over and over

Her faithlessness extinguished
The raging flame
Of my life.


I am defeated.

I know you don't care anymore but..

It hurts when I breathe
It hurts when I speak
It hurts when I convince myself
To get back on my feet
It hurts to see a smile
And to drown in the rain
It hurts so ******* much
I think all I know is pain
It hurts to watch love movies
It hurts to be alone
It hurts to see the pictures
Still sprawled throughout our home
It hurts to wake up everyday
And hurts to close my eyes
It hurts to take these lonely walks
Under the darkness in the sky
It hurts to look at women
It hurts to pretend
It hurts so ******* much
Will this ever end?
It hurts when you come and trample
Through my dreaming mind
It hurts when I wake up
and can not press rewind
It hurts when I see your number
And when you text me too..
I think it hurts so much..
Because my heart is still with you
You never gave it back
And now it hurts to live..
A man now less than loving
With so very much to give
It hurts to see you laughing
And it hurts to fake the role
And pride will not allow myself
To ever be made whole
It hurts so ******* much..
I'm losing my ******* mind
On **** here she comes
Hey yeah I'm doing fine

Its hard to say goodbye
When I see you every night
Every time I close my eyes
When darkness consumes the light

Its hard to say goodbye
When my memories come knockin'
As I place more nails
In my hearts fated coffin

Its hard to say goodbye
When you were once hello
The very best of me
I do not wish to let you go

Its hard to say goodbye
To the angel that graced my life
The one who once said yes..
When I asked her to be my wife

Its hard to say goodbye
I fumble on the symbols
My palms are shaking violetly
As all I know comes to a close

Its hard to say goodbye
When your world is falling apart
When your left out in the rain
Trying to revitalize your heart

Yes its hard to say goodbye..
When you don't want it to end
When your perfect fairy-tale
Turns out to be pretend..

The days pass me by
I wonder where you are

I look out my bedroom window
Do you see the same stars?

Its raining here in Naples
The sky is sickly grey

Is it sunny in Vermont?
Enough to chase your thoughts away?

Do you ever think of me?
The love we used to share?

Do you find yourself crying..
When you realize Im not there?

Does the world seem to stop
When i cross your mind?

Inside are you wilting?
While on the outside your just fine?

Does the night come on so cold..
You remember the heat from me?

Does the morning come to soon..
And you realize we were just a dream?

I will forever love you
Even though we have seen our last

I will forever love you
Even though you've taken a separate path

She will hold my hand in public
Fingers laced, Smile placed
She never backs away
When I offer her my face,

When I look into her eyes
My demons suffocate
Deep pools of baby blue
Her entire being radiates

Every time we touch
Feels like I can get no higher
She's more than a flawless face
For she is a soul on fire.


*I stole the last line from a meme

I've made so many mistakes
So much ground to cover
Trying to right my wrongs
Only to uncover another

They say you get what you give
And I know that to be true
Because I'm fighting to repair
I'm struggling to undo

All the years of negativity
Alcoholism and drugs
Making headway out of this pit
That I have quickly dug

Change comes with time
This path of correction I must follow
So much I must repair
For a better tomorrow

A little at a time, I can finally see the sun
Blinded by the brightness, from which I've always run

To stop acting like a boy
To finally become a man
And stop wallowing in my pity
To make my final stand

Against this heavy darkness
I have allowed to take control
I am ready to be better
I will not be swallowed whole.

One day I will look back
On the mess that I have made
The war to right my wrongs
To be worthy of being saved.

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me the bedpost master
**** me ride me bite me

Last night I was weak
I locked myself away
Confined and secluded

Memories from my past
Began bombarding me
I could not take
Being drug back there

I grabbed a bottle
Started taking shots
Alone in the dark
Angry and hysterical

Not even God
Can save me
From the abuse
I always endure

The rain pours heavily
Drowning out all sound
Except your heartbeat
In my memories.

Looking down on me
As I go under
This murky water preventing you
From reaching out to me..
Just watch me drown
I understand
I wouldn't want to
Get my dress wet either.

Why does this always happen?
I am trapped in a loop
I can hear her laughin'

The world has lost its colorful hew
Returned to sender
Nothing new..

People say, its time to move on
But I feel so lost
I feel so wronged

I wait, forever for her to call
In this giant bed
I feel so small

Why does this always happen?
Trapped in this loop
I hear her laughin'

Look at you my guilty pleasure
Im just trying to hold it together
Because you said forever
Left me blowing in the wind like a feather
Once my hearts defender
Baby don't your remember
There was a time you wouldn't surrender
My loves nerve center
****** inventor
But I cant forgive you, your no first offender.

Hello, I am me
I love full tilt
Full time
Immensely

You blew into my life
Like a wild fire
Flames soring ever higher
Untamable

I reached through the flames
And I will never forget
Your name
Thank you

My world was cold and dark
Many nights alone
Feeling lost
You thawed my world

Life began to blossom
Feelings I thought extinct
Hit me like a plague
That I would burden always..

It is too soon
For my mouth to speak
The words I wish to..
Desperately..

Not Because I need you
To fix me..
Simply because...
You make me a better

Me..

I love you.

I lay awake, I close my eyes
I try to count those ******' sheep
I toss and turn I can not sleep
All I am.. Anxiety

Paralysis comes, I am encumbered
Forced to see you in between
This reality and the land of dreams
I cannot run I cannot scream

You play these stupid ******* games
And run away the second it rains
Leaving me alone to drown in pain
And every girl is the ******* same.

In the mirror
What do I see?
Just a monster
Staring back at me

It has my face
It has my eyes
Only I see
What hides inside

Just a monster

Am I alone? Does anyone see?
What's become of our "democracy"?
Withholding truths.. spewing lies
Sacrificing countless lives
Americans starving in our streets..
But providing enemies with guns and meat..
A handful of people acting as god
Keep society lethargic.. and nothing is flawed
Build it, destroy it.. rinse and repeat
The few count they're money, and refuse to retreat
Political scandals.. crash of the dollar
They yank the leash, we wear the collar
You do as your told, blind by the bliss
But if you took five minutes if you could resist..
The fast cars and money, the ridiculous media
The star struck obsession the news like to feed ya
Just put down your cell phone and open your eyes
Our country is collapsing.. and society's blind..
Your vote doesn't matter they know the selection
Dead people voted!!! When bush won election
I guess with all this **** running through my head..
As this election nears I am filled with dread..
Mischievous candidates.. propaganda overloaded
Tell me who'd be the President?
If nobody voted?

Here I lay in emotional waste
Left with null but sence to taste
All the decay inside this place
And fast enough I cannot haste..

A light illumination, mirage on the wall
My mind is playing tricks, and I cant fight them all
Out from under all, this turmoil I must crawl
For I have not the strength, to be victor of this brawl

You rain your words upon me, I am shelterless
The wounds you have caused me.. I will not forget
But whats this inside the darkness? Still yet drawing breath..
Its the only thing you left me
Eternal nothingness.

Today I saw the sky
Drowning in the rain
I saw the world's negligence
And felt our worlds pain
We as a species
Disconnected from our earth
Comfort found from possession
Instead of family by the hearth
I saw our world crying
From the pain we have caused
The Forrest stripped to nothing
The northern ice now thawed
And as we turn a carless eye
To our world and our mother
Neglecting all we've been given
Provided for like no other
All in life we need..
Was not created by man
We have simply forgotten
How to live off of the land
One day rapture will come
Not biblical but for sure
And mother nature will abandon us..
Like our species has done her.
Our world is dying..
And resetting..
Is the cure.

When I say your name
Tears flood my eyes
Dragging me back down
To that darkened place inside
When I hear your voice
My own seems to falter
Forced to relive memories
I can never alter
When I see your picture
Denial streams through my veins
And I come to an overdose
On all that still remains
When I close my eyes
I pray not to dream of you
I just want to sleep
One night right straight through
But I always see your smile
I always hear your laugh
I always wake up next to..
Your tear soaked photograph.

To the girl that stole my heart
The same woman who broke it
Moon light shows the truth
And valentines day provoked it..
Back from trade school I ventured
Forever was the plan
And you would never leave me
A loyal worthy man
Day drags me into worry
So thoughts invade my head
Much too soon to realize
For I was far from dread
Promises like pills and poison
You dosed me while unknowing
Didn't realize you were playing
Really had me going
Even now I see only apathy
Mean words wont wash away in time
It kills me to have to say it
Anyway read the 1st word a line

You rain your words upon me
I am shelterless
Lightening streaks my wounded sky
How could I forget

You stab me with your actions
Fracturing my brittle bones
Glass house false security
Cracking from your stones

You weave your clever magic
God knows I'm a fool..
You use me when you need me
I'm quite a handy tool

You hail your insults on me
But I'm too stubborn to see
My obsession of your love
Has polluted me

Look inside
it's quite a view
A radiant light
Emits from you

Take a breath
Hold me close to you
I can always find
The light in you

I dont wanna wait forever
But I guess I must
I dont wanna be drug deeper
But I feel the cut
And in the end all I feel
Is broken mistrust..
Just know I hurt
More than enough
because I loved
For both of us

She took my breath away
Then she stole me heart
She told me I was everything
Then she tore me apart

Spent days months and years
Putting myself back together
But there's fissures in my confidence
Wounds that last forever

Told me so many lies
I am hidden from the truth
A storm is brewing violently
And I have a leaky roof..

Still again I find myself
Staring deep into her eyes
Still a pawn under her spell
Alive again inside.

This reflection in the mirror
Is it really me?
I touch my face, he touches his face
Surely this can't be.

I remember thinking of the future
Of the man I would become
Time flew by so fast it seems
I've completely come undone.

I stare into his eyes
His dark and angry eyes..
Deep inside.. Goosebumps arise
Every tortured, desperate cry..

The past floods me so vividly
Takes the breath right out of me
Denial rears, choke back the tears
The hate pours right out of me.

In a fit of rage I strike him
I can't take this anymore
Covered in blood and void of love
He falls in pieces on the floor

I pull shards from my hands
And the rage it slowly fades
He must be me after all
His eyes share my mistakes.

I can not remember
How it used to be
When I would wake up
And listen to you breathe
I can not remember
The taste of your kiss
Nor can I see clearly
Your rose ted lipstick
I can not remember
How it feels to be alive
I've been so consumed by hate
And the mask I hide behind
I can not remember
The touch of your skin
I can not remember
What it feels like to win
In fact all I can remember
Is how much it hurt
When I feel on my face
In all the **** and dirt
All I can remember
Is the taste of betrayal
And I can not remember
How I used to prevail.
I wish I could remember
At least one memory
Where I was not depressed
Or in a prison of misery.

I hate how much I think about you
The way my world fades to black
Where happiness is but a memory
and reality is simply aftermath

You probably think me crazy
For this pathetic lingering on
I know the fire has died because..
All its warmth is gone.

I know there is no way
To reignite the hearth
But I stare into it anyway
Remembering every word

The ones you chose to say
That made me feel vivid and alive
The ones you chose to say
and leave butterflies inside

The ones you chose to say..
To see tears swell my eyes
The very words you chose
To tell me goodbye.

Close your eyes and picture this
While love yet exists on our lips
The future ahead, the road behind
Make your choice..
But don't make it blind

So many memories we've left to make
Possible life we may yet create
With so much possible we could do..
You can do it without me..
But it would be hollow without you

So while you ponder your next step
While my palms shake, covered in sweat
As i drop to my knees and ask you this
Would you be the one
Yo fulfill my wish

In this life the next, forever after
Would you complete my life with laughter
Would you be down to ride or die
If so accept this ring
And be my bride.

As this greyhound takes me closer home
My stomach turns
And I go numb

Memories invade and **** my sobriery
Flashes of the past
Interupt and remind me

Reasons I left, swore to never return
I look at my life..
Reminiscences churn

My mental infrastructure shakes violently
Threatening to collapse
Losing inner harmony

My conscience splitting, down the middle
And I lack the education
To solve this riddle

Greyhound stops.. Its final destination
And I find myself again..
Seeking salvation.

Smash through my walls
Like the wrecking ball you are
Leave me open and vulnerable
Allow the world to eat at me
It took so long to *****
That which I was hiding behind
Then through the darkness
I thought I saw a light
I lay my guard down
For just a second
And there you were
A cataclysm of emotions
I thought had died long ago
Plows through my barricades
With no mercy
I close my eyes hoping..
It is all just a mirage
That I am still safe behind
My impenetrable fortress
But nay,
I open my eyes..
And all I ever tried to forget
All I felt.. the memories..
your smile..
Looking around..
Everything I had built..
Lost..
Because I trusted you again
And as you walk away
Here I lay
In a pile of brokenness
Struggling to rebuild
Whats left of my serenity.

I used to play the game
She loves me.. she loves me not
Now a pile of rotting pedals
Is all that I have got.

Shelter me..
From myself..
Lead me away from roads
Im wandering down
Give me.. Protection please
Be the one thing in my life
I dont have to defeat..

Are you the one?
Im searching for..
Dont say yes
If your not sure..
As for my brokeness
There is no cure
If you cant stay
Just close the door
Ive gotten used to being last
Look in my heart..
Look at my past
Loves a promise
That dies too fast..
So all I really have to ask is..
Shelter me.

Can no longer stay awake
But sleep is inevitable
There you are again
God please..
Do not ever want to..
Close my eyes again.

Here we lay our
emotions to rest
Lust and love no longer
linger on our breath
The way the moon
Would illuminate
Your face
The apple lip balm
I can still taste
I reach out
To press rewind
And bring us back
To happier times
Under the old willow tree
Lost in those fields
Where I'd bring you
Flowers
And you'd ask me..
Am I really real
But now time has
Left us behind
You have went your way
I'm still going mine
They say time
Cures all wounds
But its many moons
And I still feel so blue
I think about you
And what we used to share
I'm just tired of rolling over
And not finding you there.

Seems a different life
Was the last time
We gazed into each others eyes

But in fact
I stare into those
Light brown eyes
Every night.

I just wonder
If I ever cross your mind.

I can't close my eyes
Without you stalking me
In my mind

So many words to you
I have left to say
So many nights to god
I lay awake and pray
I just want to tell you
How broken down Inside
The pieces of me struggle
fitting together in my mind
The shadow I cast grows
consuming all and me
I try to run but can't escape
This apathy..anger and agony
I toss and turn at night
Reaching for you in my bed
Which has grown so large lately
I am simply entombed in dread
They say time is the cure
be patient you will see
But I fear there is no time
this pain will never leave
The moon illuminates
the pictures on the wall
Inside my conscience speaks
and answers to your call..
Have I lost my mind?
Please god let me forget
She's somewhere laughing loving..
and I am burried in regret
There are so many questions
Seeking refuge in my head..
Look at the clock.. 4am..
Guess I'll sleep when I'm dead.

I will never walk away from you
I'd stand in front of death for you
And if you ever doubt my heart is true
I'll cut it out
To show it to you.

Tell me what has happened
To the love we used to share
Why did you just let me go
Like you never even cared

Tell me whats been trampling
Through your georgous mind
When you close your eyes
Is it my face you find..

Tell me what has changed
In the days of your retreat
Do you feel victorious
Over my hearts defeat?

Tell me do you love me..
Do reciprocate my pain
When its bright and sunny
Does your reality rain

I'll tell you what has happened
Since you walked away
Mt heart still beats for you
Even though its been betrayed

I'll tell you whats been eating me
Drilling through my head
Its sleeping on the couch
Because I still feel you in my bed

Don't tell me that your sorry
Because its what I want to hear
Don't come back looking
Baby cause I will not be here.

I was just 16, nothing as it seemed, wasting days away, living in a dream.

Hands clasped tight, long walks through the night, the look in her eyes, I knew I had chosen right.

Took her in the field, kissin, coppin feels, decided it was time, oh god it was so real,

The rain beating down, clothes scattered around, and there under that old pine, tangled naked on the ground..

Her body rose and fell, and the aroma of her smell, the way she climbed on top, and rode me straight to hell,

The heat was raw intensity, and the scratches left on the back on me, juices flowing fluently.. I see it still so vibrantly.

Beauty still unmatched, oh my god what a catch, took over a year for me to get her on her back

But ohh was it ever worth the ride, I still smile inside, whenever I close me eyes
Still lights a fire inside..

Hard to believe it was both our first time, but I knew it was she was so tight inside, tangled, naked slip n slide.. My god that girl knew how to ride.

Don't tell me you don't like it
When I pull your hair
Don't tell me you don't like it
When I act like I don't care
Your vacant stare shows the truth
You disguise behind your eyes
The ecstacy I give to you
As shallow as your lies.

They say actions speak louder than words
Yet words cause emotional injuries
That can never be cured.
You can get roughed up..
But that makes you tough..
If actions do speak louder than words..
Why do words hurt so much..

The things I would trade
To go back to the day
Before darkening storm
Took my happiness away