You were a palate of food put before me,
I was hungry and I couldn't resist.
20/3/2019.

There is no hope here
Only pain will be found
Suffering is abundant
Every mere smile matched by
A devastating heartbreak
Sorrow surrounds us all
Taking up residence in our souls

There is no hope here
We are all dying
Screaming in agony
For all we’ve lost
For everything we’ve destroyed
Our world is irreparably broken
And it’s all our fault

There is no hope here
We court demons
Craving our own demise
All with a smile on our faces
Because life is good
Our day was fine
Everything is going well

There is no hope here
You won’t find it
Hope doesn’t come from this place
All we have to cling to
Are the promises of the One
Who does not reside here
Who reaches down to save us

There is no hope here
But, we were not left in this place
To writhe in the agony of life
We don’t have to
We choose to ignore and refuse
The only real hope we are offered
And instead return to the world.

The most frightening words
That make me writhe in agony
Sick to my innermost core
Scared for my life
Terrified for my sanity
Distrusting my own mind
Hopelessly paralyzed
Wanting to *****
Craving pain as punishment
Desperately confused
Distrusting of my own thoughts
Hating my very existence

Eenie mini myni mo
I said let me go
Mum said no
Dad said I don't know.
Eenie mini myni mo
I said let me be
Mum said I was not free
Dad said he didn't understand me.
I am seventeen
Going on eighteen
I am me
What I will be, will be
I believe in my heart
It is all that matters.
19/3/2019.