cv: Favorites

Feb 2018 cv

Empty

Feb 2018 cv

Astronaut Val

Empty

I wake up in the morning hungry
I drink a black coffee
If you don't watch the calories you'll gain weight

Hours pass during the day,
I feel hungry
I serve myself lunch careful to make sure that the calories aren't too many

I go exercise and convince myself that I have made it through the day
Hours pass
I feel hungry
I feel empty.
I feel the whole weight of the world on my shoulders
I feel like there is a black hole inside of my core and it is eating me from the inside and it wants to be filled and this jittery feeling takes over and if I don't stop it nothing will.
It can't be just hunger.
How can it be just hunger when I feel the sensation of being completely empty all the way from the top of my head to my toes?

I decide to get dinner,
A sandwich, a pasta bowl, chips.
I can't control how much I eat anymore,
I just know that this black hole feels too much and it is too empty,
it can never be filled.
I give in to it.
I eat too much.

I come back to my room
I get in the shower,
the only thing separating me from being back in control is ******* pushing on the back of my throat

I feel empty again but this time I won

#empty

Feb 2018 cv

rome

Feb 2018 cv

Redshift

rome

our phones draw these strange lines late at night
connecting adjacent moons
stringing us together
across cities, towns, lakes, hills
and we tie the bows with our lips
weave the ends in our tongues
taste every city
we can remember

you feel so kindred
so close to me
that when i hang up
i half look for you
in the room
before i catch myself

my feelings are fledgling.
(or i like to say they are)
the truth is, they are very much there
but i'm unsure of their exact nature
concerned that i am unable to experience love anymore
personally
it's like a flavor
i've run out of
and some sort of bad tasting, weak trickle
pours from my lips
to yours
clinging
to these strange lines

i hope
it is not
true

Feb 2018 cv

Untitled

Feb 2018 cv

Bamlak

Untitled

I was told not to look for healing on the bottom of ***** bottles. That I am too young to be broken. Because I am too young to drink. No one ever said don't swallow the pills, no one ever told me that I won't find healing at the bottom of the orange bottle. No one said don't take the pain killers. Because no one's ever too young to be in pain. And I'm just trying to **** the pain. But it's hard when you realize the pain is part of you, so to end the pain you have to end yourself.

Jan 2018 cv

I Feel Reborn

Jan 2018 cv

Nicole

I Feel Reborn

Anxiety-free living
What a glorious experience
For the first time in my life
I feel like I can be myself
Without fear
Without regret
I am here
I am free
Instead of waiting out in my car
I entered the coffee shop alone
Ordered food
And a drink
I asked for a minute to think
Unapologetically
And was not overrun with worries
Of whether the cashier was judging me
Or waiting impatiently for me to decide
I simply took charge of my space
Took charge of my time
And it may seem like a meaningless thing
But to me
Where anxiety has always led my life
This is *everything

#anxiety #existence #life #living #growing #new #experience

Dec 2017 cv

A poem for you, nae sarang

Dec 2017 cv

Leslie Jade

A poem for you, nae sarang

An angel as pure as gold
once have lived, stories unfold
screams in pain in a silent night
everyday is a struggle for a fight

left the world as if it was the key
drowning on a seemingly endless sea
tried and fought to survive the race
but never knew the ending phase

your smile was the best of all
everyone, including me, would fall
but none of us knew your pain
crying day by day with the rain

i wish you nothing but joy and peace
enjoy the clouds of heaven with bliss
i love you dearly our precious one
rest in His embrace; know that you've won

It has been a day since the tradegy happened.;I still can't believe that our brave kim jonghyun had alredy passed away. It was tough for him. I know. We know. But how I wish I knew it sooner. You've fought a great battle my dear. No more silent cries. No more pain. Please be happy up there. Guide your family as always. Support SHINee in every activity and decision that they would do and embrace every shawols who are going through a tough time accepting all of this. I love you dearly, our kim jonghyun. I will fight. I will try. I will do my best. I promise. Rest in Peace my love. This is for you.

#anxiety #depressed #depression #pain #painful #jonghyun #hurt #hurtful #love #broken

Dec 2017 cv

Lost But Never Forgotten

Dec 2017 cv

Alex m

Lost But Never Forgotten

Today someone important to many was lost
Behind his bright smile was something started cracking inside
Being unable to see it others were unable to take note of it
He suffered on is own and the cracks formed into large breaks in his heart
When no one knew he was hurting the most
That once bright smile has now turned into a cold straight line
The smile that he left in our hearts will never be forgotten
It is not his fault for he fought his hardest

Someone that I have looked up to for many years just as others have died today. He was 27 and always seen as a bright person, but suffered from extreme depression. This hurts my heart to no end and thinking about it more has caused more pain in my heart. He will be greatly missed

#jonghyun #shinee #loss

Dec 2017 cv

Last Farewell

Dec 2017 cv

Raindrop

Last Farewell

A blue moon loomed in the sky tonight,
everyone watched you in awe
as you shined so bright.
Did you miss us, dear?

My love who now dwells in the skies,
your sufferings have come to an end.
Worry not about us anymore
for we're happy you've found peace in paradise.

Do come to us once again
in the form of the stars or the quiet rain,
falling gently from heaven.
Let us feel your love once more

We miss you,
but it is time to let you go
dance happily with the angels if you may,
fly high, precious one.

you'll always live in our hearts. thank you, kjh.

#love #broken #death #goodbye #farewell #heaven #angel #depression #jonghyun