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CastorPolydeuces Apr 2015
The sharpest clarity graces my mind and sight
Accompanied by an increase
in gravity and thicker air.
Wading through something dense yet
less resistant than water
I feel hazy and intoxicated by
the prickling stars above
Falling to the bed of grass,
dew caress my weary bones.
I've found my home,
familiar and alien,
Its all my own.
Trying to write... Forgive my clumsy wonderings....
CastorPolydeuces Apr 2015
You’ve never seen snow like this, never in the realm of reality,
But for a brief, precious moment, my idealistic world lapsed into this one.
I swear to you, never before and never more will the world be as it was.
Tonight.
And yet, nothing can be perfect, nothing is pure
That must be why he wasn’t here.
Twirling, stumbling, through the stars of snow in my fleshy rocket,
He was gone, and I propelled myself through the night,
A lonely captain through space and time, listlessly existing
Hoping you’ll come back to me.
Oh but now the melancholy seeps into my eyes
Tainting my perfect moment.
How sad it is to wander through the beauty of this world
Blind to it for want of another.
Our absurd little morals, necessary structure, obligations…
We forget how to exist without the constant struggle.
There can never be peace in the world,
Because we’ve managed to stifle the peace within our souls.
CastorPolydeuces Nov 2014
Hi, I'm just writing to say that I'm sorry I'm ****** up.
I'm sorry I can't do anything productive. I'm sorry I ******* up my siblings with my clothes and my music.
I'm sorry I'm a monster. I tried... I'm trying... But its hard....
I don't want to hate you but I do. I don't want to blame you but I do.
I blame you for teaching me that Jesus was the only life. I blame you for not even warning me of what this world can turn into.
I blame you for not being strong enough to get over my dad when he cheated on you.
I don't want to. But I do.
I blame you for marrying someone new when you weren't over Him yet.
I blame you for letting that imposter become the source of my brothers confidence issues.
I blame you for my 8 year old brother developing multiple social and mental problems simply because you couldn't control your husband.
Because he was righteous and a woman shouldn't stand up to her man.
I know its childish and I know I'm selfish.
And I claim that completely. I am who I am despite who you are.
I don't want you to take claim for what I've become.
I don't want you to tell your friends about the monster you made.
I want you to realize I am myself of my own accord.
I choose to be unhappy and I'm **** proud of that.
And I love you, though I wish I didn't.
I love you for finally leaving my brother's tormenter, even if it was later rather than sooner.
I love you for crying for my grandmother on her deathbed after you ignored for two years.
I love the fact that you cared enough, at one point in time, to try to keep me from becoming who I am today.
I don't know if these are good reasons and I don't know if you care.
But I blove you my mear dother, and I lame you.
Feeling superior tonight. Nevermind my ramblings.
CastorPolydeuces Nov 2014
So here's the thing, I think she died. I tried to save her poor, diseased mind.
So I stepped in and took control, steered her shell and lost her soul.
I guess I didn't realize what I was, or what a human actually does.
I thought I knew how your world worked, you fleshy beings are absurd.
So here I am inside her shell, a demon lost, in a different hell.
CastorPolydeuces Nov 2014
I dream of ******.
My mistress, my mother.
******, ****** my dear...

I dream of Chaos.
My friend and my brother.
Chaos let them shake in fear....

I dream of Death
My reflection, my other.
Staring at me in the mirror...

I dream of Uncertainty
Or I think I do...
My father, oh father....
What shall we do..............
CastorPolydeuces Nov 2014
Now I lay me down to sleep
Now the dreams will conquer me
Smoke that swirls is my death
My sweet sweet sin
There's nothing left
Now I lay my head to rest
And hope I may
For death in dreams
I know we're young
But we're not free
Not to die as we please.
So I'll smoke these cigarettes
Offer them my soul
And in exchange
They'll swallow me whole
This is the death I choose.
Amen.
CastorPolydeuces Mar 2013
When thoughts stream through my head-
They acclimate into a presence-
Dark and smothering-
Sinister Nothing.
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