My name is but a twisted heart
Does is beat when you speak?
It's mangled and broken
Will it still beat when you speak?
I only live to please
I spend my life on my knees
and yet I'm nothing but ******
Listen to my name beat
without rhythm
without rhyme
I never look to the skies
Because the dead grass has leashed my eyes
and I'll never show a smile
because my lips can only point down
I listen to this song to know I'm not alone
I wish I were on your tongue
but, yes, I know that under the art
My name is but a twisted heart.

I'm scared

I don't want to be here.

I'm terrified.

I don't want to leave.

I'm alone.

I don't want anyone.

I'm sad.

I just want a hug.

The fear of the unknown
caused by self-inflicted anxiety
eventually leads to a
hunger for success
through the music of your voice
you see past my pretenses.

I awake to the screaming
That fills the house.
I hate the fighting and seething.
it kills me now.

Don't you see
What it's doing to me?
Don't you know
How to leave things be?

I'm scared- no
"Terrified" is the word.
Next sign of trouble
I'm off like a bird.

I'll take flight
Leave in the night
I can't take your fights.
I'm in such a fright.

And the silence after
Is so petrifying.
I'm trying to understand
But it's such an unreachable feat.

And now it's done.
The tension is so thick
As we all pretend
It didn't happen.

My gaze sweeps over the streets of the muse of our spirit.
The men click their heels.
The women dance to their ancestors' beat.
The children clap and keep their time.
We live in a swirl of our own past.
Fields and crops
Love and loss.
We remember
We live on.

When will this end?
I don't want a friend.
I just want to send
This all over the edge.

I don't want you
But I need to.
I think I hate you
But I'd love to.

I'm wrapped around you
Felt like I flew.
Now you're gone
And I'm gone, too.

But you've been replaced.
They have a new grace;
But I'm scared to see
What's in store for me.

I'm terrified of you
Though you're all I knew.
Now I've got to do
Completely without you.

I want to be alone right now
with nothing but my thoughts
Nobody here can ever know
exactly what I've fought
I always try
but never do
Leaving you all behind
words and thoughts
leave their marks
but no one can see
these scars upon my heart
they say people will always feel
what you do for yourself
but is that still true
when I only feel hatred for me, too
I'll never know what it's like
to completely love myself
but at least I can see
who knows the truth
and who only ever sees the lie

I know you hates these kinds of songs
The ones with sentiment that make you cringe
But how else can I say what you mean?

You deserved the freedom you always craved
Driving all alone down an open highway

Independence

You never wanted anyone's help
And you never asked
But sometimes we have to depend on people we don't want to need
Sometimes you even have to say please

I've given up on wishing
because that's all it ever was
And my dreams are only dreams
Since I'm never good enough

I'm not sure I want to see inside your head
But how else will I understand?
Was it something I said
Or did you just change your mind again?
Somehow our lives disaligned
After all the times I kept you alive
Somehow I was left behind
But then here you are in front of me
And you have ruined my day
I doodle your name all over the sky
And hope to god, away you'll fly

Walking through the deserted night, I descend into the valley and reserve my strength.
I come across a man. His eyes won't focus and his tongue trips over his pretty words.
He says "I would be yours if you do me this one favor."
He says "I am so parched, I couldn't give my love without a small sip." I offer him my canteen since I have a sip to spare.
But he pours what I offer into his own reservoir,
does not drink it, and then asks for more.
But I had no more to spare. Only enough for a small sip for myself.

So I continue on up the hill before me and I know I must pace myself.
I meet a girl with lines on her arms and X's on her legs.
She says she met that man down below and he gave her these scars.
She says "now I'm lost. But once I'm found, I can give you the love you desire. Could you do me this one favor and help me find my way?"
So I ask where she is hoping to go.
She says she wants the man in the valley.
She says she's sure so I lead her back to him and she screams:
"You never wanted to help me, did you?!"
She rages at me and snatches my canteen only to swallow down the last drops.
I run. Up the mountain again.

I find a boy singing to himself.
He says I can sit with him until I catch my breath.
So I do, and I ask him questions and he makes me laugh.
He says my laugh sounds like a song he never wants to end.
So he kisses me and his lips taste like sand to my dry tongue.
But I kiss him back anyway and he falls through my fingers and flies away on the wind. I crawl away, choking on the dryness in my lungs.

As I reach the top of the mountain, I collapse.
My chapped lips against the dewy grass.
A hand gently touches my shoulder and I watch as they fill my canteen from their own and we are both full.

I miss the way you touch your hair.
I miss the way you held my stare.
I miss the way you speak to me,
Like there's nowhere in the world you'd rather be.
I miss the way you look at me,
Like I'm giving you something no one else can see.
I miss the way you made me feel,
Like your arms were made of silk and steel.
You're the boy who made my heart skip a beat.
You're the man who got me back on my feet.
But now I've got nowhere to go.
No one to tell me all the things you know.
I want you back because you are everything I lack.

It's not me, it's you
I know that excuse
When you're the one before the one
You're the coach, not the prize
You teach a man to fish and you've fed him for his life
You teach a man to love, you've prepared him for his wife

And that's great
And that's fine
They deserve a happy life
But why wasn't I
Good enough for you to try?

The way you never fail me
is absolutely amazing.
You're always there
to catch me when I fall.

I get a hug through this melody.
You're my inspiration; my encouragement.

You believed in me.
You listen to me
Like they're the last words you'll hear.
You look at me as if I'm not failing.

You are the beat of my heart
and the sound of my guitar,
Everything I love
You keep me from falling apart

Where is this going?
We're moving way too fast.
I only have time to think
"This moment will not last."

I told you that
I miss you.
You said that
You do, too.

You say you waited,
Looked all over.
Why is it when
I look, you're not there?

You say these perfect words;
You're such a sweet talker.
I listen so desperately,
Lo and behold, again, I believe.

You say you don't want
To lose someone through the cracks,
But now I'm the one
Falling off your lap.

I want you to catch me
But your hands pull back.
You seem so disgusted
By everything I lack.

But now he's here;
Listens when I hurt.
He catches every tear
Where you left me in the dirt.

I wish I could trust.
I wish I could believe.
But when I cry, I'm hushed.
I'm scared of silences you leave.

You're still in my heart;
Still in my soul.
You still saved my life,
That much we know.

You'll always own a piece of me,
No matter how big this family.
I know you still care,
But no longer are you there.

Where is God in the killing of the innocent?
Where is He among the depression and addiction?
Where is He in the dark?
Where is He in the evil?
What about the selfishness and greed?
Where is He?

He's in the sunset and the rain.
He's in the comfort through the pain.
He's in this life and the next.
He's in your life and the rest.

Where is God is the hatred and abandonment?
Where is He in the bodies in the basement?
Where is He in the blood?
Where is He in the filth and the mud?
The destruction, the hurricanes, the crime?
Where's He been all this time?

He's in the grassy hills and plains.
He's in the moss and the sugar cane.
He's in your favorite song or dream.
He's in the smoothest ice cream.
He never left.

Poor and worse, the widow's daughter
Hold your tongue so it won't be harder
Work for your pay every ******* day
One day you'll move so far

Break the rules, all the things they have done
Don't tell her know she exceeds all expectations
Pots and pans, blankets, shirts, the whole house
Paint it all red to match her hard head

If you were from a different place
Maybe you could occupy a space
only big enough for you
If you were from a different time
Would you take the chance to rewind
Just to take in the view

It doesn't feel right to say that you're gone
It doesn't feel like the end of the song
I keep on waiting for you to prove us all wrong
I'll never hold a grudge again

Words don't look how they sound
If I write your name 10 times over
It doesn't even feel like a real word anymore
Just markings on a page

Yet if I say it aloud
The shape of you emerges from my mouth
The feeling of holding you to my chest
The sound of your voice outside the door
The comfort of knowing I could reach out at 4
   in the dark and collide with your warmth

But it all hits me at once like an 18-wheeler
Because I know it's no longer real
But I'll say your name one more time
To remind myself that for a moment you were mine

Do you care?
At this point
I don't know
Give me something

Where's the love?
You seem so gone
We haven't spoken
In so **** long

It seemed so perfect
That honeymoon phase
Now I'm broken
And you forgot my name

You were there
You saved my life
I said not to worry
I'm done with the knife

But I need you now
I need you again
I feel you're gone
And I've lost a friend

The day the rumors of my secret touched your ears,
They ripped apart everything you knew.
How could there have been so much pain
Hidden behind crinkled eyes and a metal-mouthed smile?
So much pain that my own flesh and blood had no clue.
Yet all I did was comfort you.
Daddy's chin wobbled as he told me
How scared he was because he couldn't save me.
Tears ran down his face
While he crushed my lungs and cracked my spine
And I feel like dying because
You're not supposed to see your dad cry.
Momma's cheeks were wet when she told me of her insecurities
And how she saw herself in me
And she sobbed because she thought it was all her fault.
I traced my body's lines
Because you're not supposed to see your mom cry.
You both came rushing in
Momma begging Daddy to wait.
I slowly lifted my sleeve
You both began to weep
Momma whipped questions around
Without bothering to wait for an answer
Daddy stayed quiet, not knowing what to do.
I was trying to force my chest to breathe as I looked at you two.
I felt my blood like cubes of ice
Because you're not supposed to see your parents cry.
I let you hold my hand
I let you squeeze my head to your chests.
And I'm so sorry I let you down
I'm sorry I lied when I said I'm alright
Because I know for a fact
You're not supposed to see your mom cry.